Contact Arrangements

Thanks everyone for your replies. I have thought long and hard about this.

He has stated that it is the 10 day gap that is the issue, and is why he wants to see them after school on my Thursday (not overnight).

I have thought of a solution that bridges this gap in that he has them on my Thursday after school and overnight, reducing this gap by half and allowing them more time as it will include the overnight.

Then alternate weekends (Friday after school til Monday school drop off) and half of all school holidays.

This will reduce his extended weekend by one night but means I also still retain a Thursday after school. His overall contact time remains the same.

I am not 100% convinced this is best for the children but I am trying to find a compromise. The reason we went for the extended weekend rather than midweek contact was to provide the children with more stability and routine during the school week and less to-ing and froing between homes. The children seem happy with the current arrangement so it does seem a shame to change things but I have listened to your feedback and see that 10 day gap between contact is possibly too long.

What do people think?

How far away does he live? I think its good to try and compromise, and I have to admit I would hate to lose the extra midweek day I have. It does make it a bit of a too and fro but if you get them into a routine its easier for everyone in the long run. Lets face it, these rigid contact arrangements are not forever..when the children hit a certain ''ahem'' age, they tend to dictate who and when they see and parents normally fall further and further down that list as time goes on, both RPs and NRPs.
So, I guess its not the be and end all! If they start to feel that they have two ''bases'' then it makes it much easier for them to feel relaxed and comfortable at both..possibly a third being the grandparents. Speaking from experience my own mum and dad AND both sets of grandparents all lived within a bike ride/bus/walk from eachother so when both me and my siblings were in our teens we would tend to go where the cooking was the best..which more often than not was my nans.
Doesnt mean we always stayed there but the more adults and ''safe'' warm places the children have brings a much more ''family'' feel to the whole situation..even if its not conventional.
I dont know if this will help but I always like to really think of how its going to benefit the children as they grow into teens and then young adults.

Someone said your ex currently has the children 6 nights a month but if he has the Thursday until Monday EOW that works out at an average of 8.6 days. If holidays are shared 50:50 and you factor in the average number of holidays it works out at 10 days per month.

Compromise is good. With many parenting issues there is no black and white, just different attitudes . Children are different but 10 nights between contact shouldn''t be too long for older children. Many families find less frequent longer periods of contact longer is more settled arrangement. However, if the children are slightly unsettled with more frequent handovers it might be a lesser evil than parental conflict.

I think the compromise you have come up with is more than appropriate. You are sticking to a long standing agreement that you both made in the childrens best interests and simply adapting it so that they dont go for such a long period without seeing their father. Your ex is obviously happy with the amount of overnight contact he has as he hasnt asked to increase this, just to shorten the gap inbetween contact visits which is what you are proposing.

Maisy - the reality is that your ex has the kids 6 nights a month, you have 25. He''s just asking for 2 additional evenings. It''s nice the holidays are shared but surely you would accept that you have by far the lion''s share. Why not be graciouse and agree what is a very reasonable request. To make such agreement conditional on him reducing his existing weekends is small minded and churlish, am sure your better than that.

How on earth does Thurs, Fri, Sat and Sun night every other weekend work out at 6 nights a month?

Fair do''s. 8 nights. Doesn''t realy change my point though.