Contact Arrangements

Your missing the point zonked. Why now? Why not over a year ago when they agreed a contact schedule? When it was originally agreed that there wouldnt be midweek contact so as not to mess up the school routine? Why be threatening about it instead of making the request in a more approachable manner?

Arrangements do change as children reach different stages and parents move on with their lives so there needs to be a degree of flexibility. Good contact for children relies on parents working together and when one or other parent has a very rigid POV there is going to be conflict making that difficult or impossible.

In this case it''s just two parents with different views and there is nothing unreasonable about either stance. The important thing is finding a way to negotiate and resolve the dispute constructively.

JSLB - It''s not uncommon for contact schedules to be changed. Children grow, routines change, parents learn from experience. Agreements can be made under many forms of duress. Dad might simply be missing the kids. Who knows.

My feeling is that Dad is on the side of the angels and they have their fingers crossed for him.

How you are able to take such an agressive line against a parent who just wants to spend a tiny bit of extra time with his kids is beyond me.

Things will never change unless contact is defined by law. Too many resident parents think by ''allowing'' the non-resident parent an extre night here and there, they are doing the non-resident a favour. They are not - it is the child''s right to have meaningul contact with both parents. To my mind, meaningful contact is 50/50 shared residence as the default.

The fact that the parent with care is usually in receipt of all benefits plus child maintenance is another reason why many resident parents seek to keep the children''s contact with the non-resident parent to the bare minimum.

There are many mums who post on Wiki who go out of their way to facilitate good contact with their exes and I have every admiration for them. However, there are also many ex. wives who will stop at nothing to limit or even prevent contact without considering the long term effect this could have on their children.

Hi Stepper

Im not so sure the legal route does answer all questions how many times do we find people end up saying Im supposed to be going on holidays tomorrow as per the legal agreement but he/she has just given me out of date passports as that was not in sub clause blah section whatever.

If people want to be difficult they will be. The reality is this is human life we are dealing with and it cant be managed to the last written detail. Often times these issues are the tool for continuing the unresolved issues of the broken realtionship. Their are alot of emotional affects at play. What would be best if people could draw a line under their ended marriages losses and grievances accepted - and start afresh to find a way to work forward for the children. Yes its sometimes through gritted teeth at first; and there has to be some swallowing of instinctive retorts but where there are children involved then Im sorry I feel you have to take individual responsibility and make certain sacrifices to make it work. You were going to do it anyway in your marriage you just now have to apply even more with individual pain. Did any one start out wanting this? I doubt it but the kids really are the ones who dont deserve the impact. Its about finding ways forward painful step by painful step. And no it isnt easy !!

Its worth pointing out its not always the RP who causes issues with contact.

Oh big time JSLGB I would polish my hailo if I could but who cares, if we end up in a good place it doesnt matter who brought it we all win