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cdontact with my 15 yr old girl

  • bikemad650
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06 Aug 12 #347542 by bikemad650
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Since i left the marital home and started another relationship my 15 yr old doesn''t want anything to do with me and wont speak to me, 6 mths have passed now and its killing me, any advive on how to get things back on track please !! Ex is in new relationship with a friend of mine now and she is fine with that.im the bad guy tho for splitting the family up.help

  • happyagain
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06 Aug 12 #347556 by happyagain
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15 year olds have a very black and white view of the world as they have no ideas of the complexities of adult relationships. They also think they are the focus of a family and can take it very personally if a family splits up. Unfortunately, your daughters reactions are entirely natural.
Have you tried writing to her and explaining how you feel?

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06 Aug 12 #347560 by Fiona
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A 15 year old is mature enough to understand the implications of a decision and can''t be forced to have contact against their wishes. Unfortunately teenagers can make very ridged moral judgements and hold a stance of anger for a very long time. Family counselling or mediation might be worth a shot and give you the opportunity to reassure your daughter you still love her and your door will always be open.

Although she needs to know enough information to understand what has happened there is no point in going into detail or trying to justify your actions. If you have the chance it''s more productive to share photos and stories about the happy times you enjoyed together and encourage her to make up her own mind. Be careful to avoid saying anything which might be construed as denigrating mum or her new partner.

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06 Aug 12 #347561 by bikemad650
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a friend of mine suggested exactly the same thing.she has recently started self harming a bit so im worried it will make it worse.i dont know what to do for the best. I recently saw one of her posts on twitter saying '' dont u just hate it when someone pretends to care then it turns out to be a lie ''. this fits in with something that happened between us but unsure if it was aimed at me or someone else. think i may take your advice and write a letter. when i go to the marital home i tend to ignore her as dont want to upset her as ex says she wants nothing to do with me, im guessing this is making it worse for her,this is killing me, so hard to know what to do for the best.

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06 Aug 12 #347574 by somuch2know2
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Is your ex supportive of your relationship with your current girlfriend? I think a lot depends on how you left and teh circumstances to why- and also how much your ex shared her pain/ thoughts/ worries.

I am in a similar situation with my 12 year old. She refuses to see me and her mum says that is fine- I only get 12 hrs a month. Meanwhile she is lashing out and everyone, but instead of her mum coming down on her, she just uses my leaving as an excuse.

Its a sht sandwhich no matter where you bite it. I tried councelling and tried the ''truth''- I was too honest and that caused upset.

Hang in there, I have been told it gets better- its just a matter of time.

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06 Aug 12 #347590 by bikemad650
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yes people tell me it gets easier.ex isnt supportive at all about my new relationship as it is just too hurtful even 6 mths on. She just blanks it out, think im never mentioned at the marital home, its like i never existed, shes trying to make them forget about me i think, shes not being horrible, just doesnt want to upset them i think. i just wish she had never told them about my new relationship, before they knew they both stayed over at mine and had a great time.

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06 Aug 12 #347599 by jaw
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I was wondering what message you are giving your daughter when you ignore her..?

You''ve already changed her life from what she thought it was going to be and now you''re ignoring her too!

Even if she doesn''t answer you you could still acknowledge her, saying hello and goodbye - shout upstairs if she chooses to hide in her room.

jaw

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