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Contact denied due to "illness"

  • Harre
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07 Aug 12 #347956 by Harre
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How many times can my ex claim that the daughter has various different illnesses and is too sick to see her dad?
At what point might the court say enough is enough? Any guidelines?

  • u6c00
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07 Aug 12 #347957 by u6c00
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How many are we talking about here, and over what time period?

Depending on your circumstances, could you not say ''I''m quite capable of caring for a sick child here''?

My ex tried that once, didn''t wash with me, I just came and picked him up and told her I would care for him. Amazing how quickly his gastroenteritis cleared up!

It hasn''t happened again since.

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07 Aug 12 #347967 by zonked
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Another way to go might be to ask the court to ammend the contact order to read ''If court ordered contact does not occur then the mother is make the child available for contact the following weekend for an equivillant amount of time''. This would mean that missed contacts were replaced, however, the mum might see this as a green light to chop and change contacts whenever she wanted.

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07 Aug 12 #347968 by jslgb
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I think it depends on how often and over what period as U6 suggested.

My daughter stays at home with me when she is poorly as she is more comfortable in her own settings and there arent any other children around to disrupt her. Saying that though her dad never wants her when she is ill anyway.

What kind of ''illnesses'' are we talking? I would suggest if your child is ill enough to miss contact they are ill enough to need medical attention in which case your ex should be able to obtain evidence. Perhaps a court could ask for evidence to be provided alongside alternate days to be arranged.

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07 Aug 12 #347980 by Harre
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So far it hasn''t happened on my residential weekends but rather on my midweek afternoon contact. Not a huge number yet, maybe 6-7 times over 1,5 years but it''s now twice in the last 4 weeks. On none of these occasions have my ex stayed home with our child but instead shipped her to her gran which to me is very strange cause if she''s well enough to be there surely she''s well enough to be with me? I''d happily look after her for any time required but ex won''t let it happen since it would be unfair to let me see her more *sigh*
Anyway, I just figured I''d ask to see if there was a "frequency" that the courts would start to question. The "illnesses" have been colds, coughs and now latest diaorreah... I.e. nothing that requires any doctor''s visits.

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07 Aug 12 #347987 by jslgb
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I think as frustrating as it is it may be a grin and bear it situation. 6-7 times over an 18 month period isnt too bad and as it isnt affecting your residential weekends it might be wise not to ''rock the boat'' so to speak. Children are often susceptible to all kinds of minor bugs etc whilst at school. I''m a trainee teacher and am constantly ill with some ailment whilst on placement!!

As for her leaving your child with their gran, is there any reason for it? She may argue that its so she can work or something along those lines. It would be just as easy for you to have your child during these periods but your ex strikes me as the kind who wouldnt do you any favours!

I''d sit tight until you feel it becomes more of a problem ie: more frequent of affecting residential weekends. Yes its frustrating but to raise it now may cause her to pull the sick card more often.

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07 Aug 12 #348020 by u6c00
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Keep a diary of any incident where contact is obstructed.

At that level (averaging once every 3 months) it''s probably not going to get you anywhere if you go to court.

I would consider writing to her (or her solicitors) and explaining that a cough or cold is no reason that contact cannot go ahead, that you want to have responsibility in your child''s life and that includes caring for him/her when ill. (she might have an argument with diarrhoea though)

If she continues to do it, or it increases in frequency then you can show that you acted reasonably.

Other than that, sorry but sounds like you may have to put up with it for now.

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