One day after Contact Order and problems again!!!

Hello all.

As many of you know my partner had fined for a defined Contact Order which he got on Wednesday after a thriller day in court.

Just after we thought the nightmare is over started a chain of e-mails from his ex and her boyfriend asking him to change agreements to suit their plans.

Although my partner does not want to sound agressive and not flexible, he wants to stick to the Contact Order. He does want to be flexible but he was warned by his barrister that if he agrees in ANY change, then the Order cannot be enforced.

On the other hand, one of the reasons he filed for the Order was to avoid unnecessary hassle, bargaining and whining. We also feel that it is better for everyone since we now have a contact schedule to stick to it and for everyone to know what to expect and when.

We are both exhausted and we would like your insight on that. Why does it feel we are back to square one?

I personally feel that if you partner is available to have the children as requested by his ex then he should do it. Keep all the emails, keep the reply''s simple ie: i note your request and i agree to it. If he cant for what ever reason fair enough,its in the court order. That way,when it goes back to court you can prove to the court that your partner has done every thing rite, and its her messing about,will make him look very good. I am having the same with my ex,and hes messed around so much and come up with such sill excuses and lies,he has basically talked himself out of contact!!
Good luck

Thank you minxy.

We feel the same way, the only thing we are worried about is what his barrister told him after Court that if he agrees to ANY change then the Order cannot be enforced in the future in case she goes totally nuts again and withholds contact, for example.

As I understand it, if something like this happens he will not have a legal ground to apply to court for enforcement of the order as he has consented to changes himself.

I wish people would just be reasonable is all. There was a reason that things went to court and this was not because we had extra money to throw away and to feel that nothing will EVER suffice, is a bit of a let down.

You obviously need a more knowledgeable wikipeep to advise but surely wanting to change arrangements so soon is totally unreasonable. If there was a problem they should have raised it in court. My gut feeling is that you shoud respond witha polite but firm refusal stressing that the order is very new and needs to bed in. You are willing to be flexible once the arrangements have become more settled.

Thank you pixy.

We are trying to but they pretend to not understand and are still sending e-mails. Now they want Skype discussion tonight!

I am starting to get irritated as I feel our family needs tuime to heal, too and all this constant bugging us about something that was decided by a Judge is not helping!!

They keep the same lines: *If we argree who is going to stop us?* * Oh now you are being difficult!!!* * If we have a private arrangement who will report us?*:

I can''t believe this is happeneing and we have to put up with it fearing she will start stopping contact again. I will definately need therapy after all this.

Have to admit I agree with Pixy.

Its just too soon to be messing about with contact.

Id be replying along the lines of,

Unfortunately due to past communication and contact difficulties you feel it would be more beneficial for everyone to know exactly where they stand, and exactly what the courts expectations for contact are. With that in mind, you feel you cannot (or will not) agree to their request for flexibility at the moment., and instead prefer to stick exactly to the contact order.

You could tack on you will review this position in 6 months time.

I agree with halfadad - it is far too soon to be flexible. A polite e-mail to the effect that you would like to see how the Court order works out for a few months before introducing flexibility. You need to establish a routine first.