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Final contact session before court

  • ffc1991
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12 Aug 12 #348957 by ffc1991
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Had my 3rd session yesterday went reasonably well.

I''m still concerned at just how clingy my daughter is appearing to be though (she''s 10 months) :(. She didn''t want to be even put down near a toy yesterday or by the other children just wanted to be held the entire time. If i attempted to put her down she screamed so loud it was ridiuclous.

I also feel i''m getting set up a little, one of my EX partners biggest claims or my lack of parenting skills is feeding my daughter. Totally unfounded. Anyways on each and every occasion my daughter has come to see me she has point blanked refused the bottle after several attempts and different ways of getting her to have some milk. Yesterday it got to the point where she was smashing the bottle away from her face. Clear indication that she''s full? Unfortunately for me at last mediation it was raised that the 2 times before she had come back from the contact center with me she hadn''t been fed her bottle. If she blatently don''t want it what can i do?

Also going by my daughters daily routine plan that we first had at the 1st mediation session. My daughter is made a bottle at 2 and goes for a nap around 3. My contact is at half 2 till half 3. So is my daughter coming to me already fed? and then ready for a sleep? (could explain clingyness) But then i''m being told she has a bottle and needs feeding.

Just feel really uneased by this and feel this is going to come up on Tuesday in court.

On a brighter note got the first 2 laughs out of my daughter today whilst changing her nappy. Been 6months since Iv''e heard that laugh :cheer:

Also spoke to the contact center they''d let me have weekly visits if my EX was to agree to this. I don''t want to use the contact center but if it''s still reccomended for now at least I now have that option.

  • maisymoos
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12 Aug 12 #348958 by maisymoos
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9/10 months is the classic age a baby can get clingy, as they become more aware of the world around them. When my son was 10 months he was exactly as you describe unless in my arms he would cry continuously. It is called separation anxiety and at least shows she feels happy in your arms. Its very common in a child of that age.

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12 Aug 12 #348959 by ffc1991
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maisymoos wrote:

9/10 months is the classic age a baby can get clingy, as they become more aware of the world around them. When my son was 10 months he was exactly as you describe unless in my arms he would cry continuously. It is called separation anxiety and at least shows she feels happy in your arms. Its very common in a child of that age.


Thanks Maisy puts me at ease a little :). yesterday was the worst to date how she''s been like that. It''s not that I don''t mind holding her and letting her just watch the room was just a little unsure about it all :).

Luckily the contact center i''m in has a Piano and she loves whacking the keys on that or listening to Daddy play the piano :)

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12 Aug 12 #348963 by halfadad
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Right if you believe your ex is going to raise the bottle feedings as an issue, you need to be preemptive.

Take the view that the contact centre does not fit into your daughter routine as advised by your ex.

Bottle at 2pm, should be followed by nap around 3pm. Your contact is interefering with that which is not in best interests of daughter. You therefore propose that you increase your time with her by an hour (eve if still at the contact centre) and you have her at 1:30 - this allows you to give her her 2pm bottle, and spend time with her just before her nap. How long is her nap? Is it an hour? Or longer? Would it fit in to ask for a 2 hourly increase so you are spending 3 hours with her. 1:30 until 4:30 - You could then feed her at 2pm, and then if you have a pushchair you could take her out of the centre for her nap (which she would have in the pushchair) before returning to hand over to your ex.

What exactly is your daughters routine? PM me if you prefer.

Also your exs proposals for the length of time in the contact centre is laughable.

Have you sourced a McFriend for court?

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12 Aug 12 #348970 by WhiteRose
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Halfadad and Maisymoos has given great advice - I have an 11 month old and can echo what they have written.

I agree a new routine for contact should incorporate your daughters routine re. feeding/naps etc. By increasing your time with her - this should allow you the play time, feeding time and relaxing nap time with her.

Her fussiness or clingy-ness could be teething too - there are many reasons why they behave this way (pushing away the bottle and not wanting to be out of your arms) - as MM put it sounds like text book separation anxiety which can start from 9 months. Its difficult to attribute it definitely. Whatever you do don''t think its you or blame yourself (its easy to do and I''ve done it myself)

Is your daughter eating food? Sometimes it may be worth offering her water from a beaker or a healthy snack, then try her with her bottle a little later?

Bottom line with a tot is you can''t make them eat or sleep if they don''t want to. You tried and thats that. I bet your ex has had days (and nights) when your daughter has been the same with her!

Routine and schedule is important, but from experience it goes a little haywire now and again and rather than getting stressed about it, you just have to go with the flow.

Whatever you do don''t beat yourself up (and don''t allow others to either) Its a difficult job being a parent of a child any age, you just need support. The more time you spend with your daughter the more you learn about her and her needs. Just because things don''t go to plan (feeding/naps) its not a valid argument to stop or reduce contact, as I said before I bet your ex has also had times when she [your daughter] would refuse the bottle and not nap at the set time ......

Big hugs & take care

WR

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12 Aug 12 #349006 by ffc1991
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Hi HalfaDad i''ll post her routine in a second in here nothing private really or anything to do with medical needs so can''t see the harm init. Might help with people offering ideas as to what I can put in my proposals for court on tuesday.


Regarding contact at the contact center they''ve told me theyll allow weekly contact, but they''re aren''t willing to increase it from the 1 hour they allow for babies under 14months old. Hence why in my EX partners proposals sheel allow me 2 hours after 14 months, fits in with contact center policy ironically lol.

Yes iv''e managed to find a Mckenzie friend to come with me on Tuesday.

Hi WhiteRose

The problem with incorporating her routine around my contact is that the contact center is only open 2 and half hours and only allow 1 hour in the center. Hopefully on Tuesday it''s taken away from the center probs not but owell.

I tried her with a couple of pieces of fruit and she had a beaker with Juice init she rejected both also. I know she''s definately in a teething phase but she also rejected her teething toys. She was just quite happy sat in my arms stood up holding a balloon and watching the other kids.

Thanks

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12 Aug 12 #349013 by WhiteRose
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ffc1991 wrote:

Hi HalfaDad i''ll post her routine in a second in here nothing private really or anything to do with medical needs so can''t see the harm init. Might help with people offering ideas as to what I can put in my proposals for court on tuesday.


Regarding contact at the contact center they''ve told me theyll allow weekly contact, but they''re aren''t willing to increase it from the 1 hour they allow for babies under 14months old. Hence why in my EX partners proposals sheel allow me 2 hours after 14 months, fits in with contact center policy ironically lol.

Yes iv''e managed to find a Mckenzie friend to come with me on Tuesday.

Hi WhiteRose

The problem with incorporating her routine around my contact is that the contact center is only open 2 and half hours and only allow 1 hour in the center. Hopefully on Tuesday it''s taken away from the center probs not but owell.

I tried her with a couple of pieces of fruit and she had a beaker with Juice init she rejected both also. I know she''s definately in a teething phase but she also rejected her teething toys. She was just quite happy sat in my arms stood up holding a balloon and watching the other kids.

Thanks


Sounds like you''re doing a grand job! Hopefully you''ll get more time & contact out of the contact centre :)

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