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Speaking privately with my kids

  • LosingBattle
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13 Aug 12 #349221 by LosingBattle
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Hey All,

I just want to know if I am entitled to speak to my children in private?
Every time I call on the phone or on FaceTime their mother is in the background (normally shouting to their siblings or just banging around making it hard to hear) monitoring the conversation. if they try to go to their room she demands that they come back where she can ''see'' them (more like hear them).
Whenever I answer a question from the kids that she doesn''t like (normally cos she''s woven a web of lies that she wants to make sure doesn''t come unravelled) she shouts at me & ultimately when I stick up for myself or say that I''m just answering their question honestly she hangs up the phone or snatches the iPad out of their hands & disconnects the call.
I feel that I have the right to speak to my children freely without her constant supervision, interference & comments. Is there anything that says as a father I have this right? Or is it going to be yet another matter to take to court? :(

  • khan72
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13 Aug 12 #349227 by khan72
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You have a right to speak to your kids and have a relationship with them. (actually ur kids have that right). You should stay away from "he said, she said". Be patient. When kids grow up they will know you and be wise enough to pick out inconsistencies. At that moment they will respect you. You cant buy respect. its earned. please please please stay focussed on just the kids. Do not get tempted to bad-mouth or defend.
these are just "games" between adults and the only losers are the kids. Rise above it.

  • minxy1912
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13 Aug 12 #349233 by minxy1912
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i have the same thing but i am the one who has to listen in on calls, my ex has said some realy nasty things to the boys so i do this to protect them,i also help if the conv goes quite by saying things like,tell daddy about the park or the pic you drew ect.. the way i see it is if you have nothing to hide why does it matter?? rise above it and dont give her an excuse to put the phone down on you,keep it friendly,kids dont need deep.

  • LosingBattle
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13 Aug 12 #349260 by LosingBattle
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Thanks Khan & Minxy,

Let me make it very clear that I do not ever make inflammatory comments, derogatory comments about their mum or bad mouth her.
I always try to ask about their day, their schoolwork etc. however, occasionally this means broaching subjects which she doesn''t think should be discussed.
You''re right Minxy, I don''t have anything to hide, she however, does, so when I speak openly she doesn''t like it.
For example, recently, she withheld access meaning the kids didn''t come on holiday with me; of course, the next time I spoke to them they wanted to know what had happened. She had spun a web of lies & wanted to make sure it didn''t come unravelled & so as soon as one of the kids asked a question pertain gto the holiday she barks in the background ''that''s not for you to talk about'' & '' stop involving the children in matters that are between us''.
Now, as far as I''m concerned, if my child asks me a question they have a right to an open & honest answer. It is awful trying to have a conversation wi my children when she is banging & shouting in the background. Also, having to watch every word in case she doesn''t like something I say is unbelievable. It is also extremely upsetting for the children to have the phone ripped from them & the conversation with their father terminated because their mother doesn''t like something which has been said.

She is a control freak & it is painfully clear that the children are the only thing that she can use to control me.
I just wanted to know if when my contact case comes to court, if a judge will grant private conversations with my children as part of the agreement as this can''t continue for the next 12 years.

  • minxy1912
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13 Aug 12 #349263 by minxy1912
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i dont know the answer to that to be honest, you can but ask, i get what your saying, i REALY do as iam the same as you again,but its him doing all the lying,so i have to lie to the children to protect there feelings,when i realy want to tell them what a f**ktard he is. Best advice for the time being is if the kids ask you somthing like that is to say, your mummys already told you,making you the bigger person, i TOTALY get what your saying and its not fair,but belive me,its been a while comming,but there lies have caught up with them and the karma train has well and truly hit them, its worth the wait and kids arnt stupid,they will know,just reasure them you love them.

  • LosingBattle
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13 Aug 12 #349267 by LosingBattle
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Thanks Minxy,

It''s just frustrating not being able to have an open conversation with my children!
I do try to be diplomatic & talk to them about lots of things, but constantly walking on eggshells is so grinding.
I really hope that they will all see the truth eventually, & as you say, the karma train will catch up (if not hit) her eventually!

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13 Aug 12 #349279 by minxy1912
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it will hit her hun,and it will hit her good and hard when it does,and again i know what you mean,i have my boys 24/7 and have to constantly watch what i say,if I need a chat i cant,because the boys ear wig then i get accused of "twisting" the children against him,but he has done so much lying now and stropped in front of the boys,they have seen it for themselves and come court he trips himself up.lol...your time will come!!!

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