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  • yoyoyo
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13 Aug 12 #349308 by yoyoyo
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Hi all,

Never posted anything ever anywhere before but am pretty desperate.

I have recently separated from my partner of 11 years, we have two small boys 12months and 3 years old. Currently he has moved out and I am staying at the house with the boys. He is coming and going whenever he pleases refusing to tell me when. He is extreamly volatile when he arrives; shouting and swearing calling me names in front of the kids which is very distressing for us all. There are a lot of domestic violence issues here; which have all come to ahead. The neighbours called the police and then I had to a week later. Since then he is even more extreme. Currently he is here for between 4-6 hours everyday,visiting, taking them out, bathing them as he is a teacher and on school holidays. Currently he wants to take my eldest son at the weekend away to his mothers and I have said no for the time being. They went away for 5 days less than 2 weeks ago. I feel that he is too explosive currently and needs to calm down. At the moment my poor son is going through a lot and needs some constant calm with regular routine. I have offered to come down with them or to leave it for a few weeks until he is calm and we are in a regular routine with visits.

He is just awful screaming at me in front of the boys. He is now threatening to take me to court as he says I am stopping him from seeing his sons. I am not sure what to do? Currently I am applying for benefits as I have no money as he has always controlled the finances. Am trying to get my independance from him, learning to drive so I can get a job, opened my own bank account and move on from this terrible relationship.

He has been charged in the past with assault on me and due to him being a teacher and the main earner I have not been able to contact the police (as he could possibly loose his job as he is a teacher). Since the neighbours called the police I have woken up to what is going on and need to look after myself and the boys. My poor son is so upset what is going on he tries and get in between him hitting him to try and get him away.

I think what is really upsetting my ex at the moment is when he is here at the home, my son doesn''t want to spend time with him. Making him madder and madder. Unfortunately he doesn''t see that his unstable volatile manner is driving him away.

I don''t want my ex not to have any contact, I think children need two parents. Only he needs to calm down at the moment and gain some perspective and stop freaking out. Can''t repeat what he is saying to me its just too awful. He is threatening that he is going to make me pay and that I am forcing him to take the children to the courts. All this afternoon he has been on the phone trying to get a solicitor. As I have only recently applied for benefits a solictor said that they cannot help until I have proof of benefits.

What should I do? Any advice appreciated am really lost.

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13 Aug 12 #349312 by Action
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So sorry to read your post. Have you thought of going to Citizens Advice or Social Services? Also, many solicitors offer the first 30 minutes for free.

I am sure someone with more knowledge on Wiki will be along soon to advise you on the Domestic Violence side of things. It sounds as if your partner''s contact with the children should be supervised. You must put yours and the children''s welfare and safety first and get some help urgently.

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13 Aug 12 #349317 by zonked
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Your first duty is to safeguard your children and their exposure to parental conflict at your home has to end, you have to stop him calling round. There is a lot of legal advice out there so I won''t labour the point - you should be entitled to legal aid or could contact womans aid helpline.

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14 Aug 12 #349345 by sim5355
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hi!
Your main priority are the children this is not good for them, i am sure if you are not working you will get legal aid and get a injunction to keep him away.If i were you i would seek some more help from solicitors because i think you would be able to get some emergency help from legal aid to go to court.

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15 Aug 12 #349560 by Joe2020
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You need to stop him coming to the house when he wants and causing havoc.Period.

I''m no expert but I believe you may be able to take out an injunction against him so as he doesnt come to the house.
I don''t think they are that expensive to do yourself rather than to wait weeks for legal aid.


You could also call the police for advice.
They could possibly issue him with a harassment warning and that would mean he could not contact you or come to the house.

That doesnt mean you have to stop him seeing the kids.That can continue if you think he''s safe.

If he wants to take it to court then fine.
He''ll spend alot of money and take forever to get any sort of decent access.

As for his job,if he loses it because of his behaviour then his problem not yours.

Don''t accept his behaviour.

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15 Aug 12 #349565 by MrsSadness
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Dear OP, wanted to make sure you got an answer too as did previous posters.... Very late..... ten past one....

You can get protection from a non-mol application, with an Undertaking, or Power of Arrest attached, or under Protection from Harrassment Act. As others have said, there is help out there. And your children are of paramount importance.... though not my field. Why not go to CB, ask? Social services? See what your options are, but you should act to return to the MH asap... ok? You have a right to the occupation of it - and/or do a LR MH1 if privately owned and in his sole name.... Just some suggestions.
Plenty of help out there, and no doubt some far more expert Wiki than I am will be along in the morning to help you. OK? Just only I happen to be up, at 1.20 am and on here - and wanted to help as much as I could..... there are solutions, you know. Depends if you want them or not: in my humble opinion, you are sooooo making excuses for him...... but that is up to you. Night night

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15 Aug 12 #349566 by MrsSadness
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Dear OP, wanted to make sure you got an answer too as did previous posters.... Very late..... ten past one....

You can get protection from a non-mol application, with an Undertaking, or Power of Arrest attached, or under Protection from Harrassment Act. As others have said, there is help out there. And your children are of paramount importance.... though not my field. Why not go to CB, ask? Social services? See what your options are, but you should act to return to the MH asap... ok? You have a right to the occupation of it - and/or do a LR MH1 if privately owned and in his sole name.... Just some suggestions.
Plenty of help out there, and no doubt some far more expert Wiki than I am will be along in the morning to help you. OK? Just only I happen to be up, at 1.20 am and on here - and wanted to help as much as I could..... there are solutions, you know. Depends if you want them or not: in my humble opinion, you are sooooo making excuses for him...... but that is up to you. Night night

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