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Help please - sorry epic post.

  • Pinky3
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16 Aug 12 #350000 by Pinky3
Topic started by Pinky3
Apologies for jumping straight in with a question - I registered a while ago and a friend reminded me how useful this site can be.

Am in a bit of a blind panic and just need some words of reassurance.
A very long story - acrimonious split (occupancy order, caution for harrassment) became increasingly acrimonious after ex assaulted our 9 year old daughter and received a police caution last November. SS intervened and his contact was initially supervised only (by me, but that''s a whole other thread) then gradually increased to overnights again, as I really didn''t think he''d hit her again, despite a 15 year history of physical assaults on me.
I made an application for defined contact - just to make the issues clear after he changed the goal posts a few times. Between lodging the application and the hearing, he hit her again on 2 occasions, at one point he dragged her down the stairs and fell on her, he then locked her outside, once in a back yard, once in the street. Told her not to tell etc.
Really slow response by the police - went to court for the defined contact and judge deferred until the police made a decision on action (if any) Stipulated that contact be agreed between solicitors and SS. With SS support, I agreed to public, activity based contact for 4 hour periods x3 fortnight (He moved 80 miles away a few months ago) Case listed for mention on 7th September (along with Re L hearing) My intention was, and has always been, to rebuild the relationship he had with the kids. He has many positive points as a dad and the kids, despite all, do want to see him. He however is relentless. He is now on his 4th solicitor - the latest one terminated his retainer. He refuses to accept the position of SS. My solicitor has been brilliant at deflecting the 5-10 page ranting letters he sends. He has fixated on the idea of taking them on holiday to the caravan we jointly own for 5 nights. Letter after letter after letter. I still have serious concerns about their physical safety - he is like a pressure cooker and doesn''t cope with being woken in the night etc (he hit smallest child aged 5 and locked her outside the caravan last summer at 2am)

So.
He now has a new solicitor.
Who has today lodged an application for him to be allowed to take the children away for 5 nights. With his mother supervising. The mother who met my youngest children last summer after a 6 year estrangement from ex. Who has a tense and difficult relationship with ex and who has already lied to me to manipulate my children into a situation which caused them great distress. who used to hit ex so hard that he STILL has issues with it.

Hearing is set for the morning. SS have not been asked for input. They are clear today that given my fears, I am right to refuse him permission, and this is what they expect of me as a protective parent. my solicitor tells me not to worry - that it''s purely a formality.
But I can''t help being scared. What happens if a judge orders me to hand my babies over to this man, when I know what he has done, and how much contempt he has for my fears (he denies everything, even the caution)

Apologies for the epic post - I''m not even sure what information I need, but if anyone can help, I would really appreciate it.

  • dillydally
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16 Aug 12 #350007 by dillydally
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Do not let it happen. My ex-wife has major anger issues and I am certain they stem from her parents. It sounds like your situation is the same, and it may go fine, but on the other hand two unstable people could result in complete disaster.

Firstly, I would ask that he not be allowed to take the children without you being present. I would also find out if the reason why the children want to see him is because they have been threatened, or something else.

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17 Aug 12 #350179 by Pinky3
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Thank you Dilly Dally.
It went really well - judge was scathing of his new solicitor. Absolutely no chance of even looking at overnight contact until the PPS have made a decision.
Specific Issues hearing set for October to look at increasing his day time contact (I have no issues with this in principle) and he was even ordered to hand over the restrictions passcode to the Iphone that he bought eldest, so that I can switch off her internet access if required.
Hoping that he may finally realise that the courts and SS do carry some weight.

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18 Aug 12 #350393 by dillydally
Reply from dillydally
Great to hear that.

Just make sure that you do your best and that the issues that he has do not get ''passed'' onto your kids.

Good luck.

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