Best interests conflict with my well being -help!

I''m in a stew...

Ok so I look after the children (4&2) and have done since STBX left FMH at the beginning of the year. He has had a handful of overnight stays at his parents'' home but no more -preferring to visit the children at fmh with up to now my blessing. I am always there.

I am now reaching a point whereby I can see that staying where we currently live is going to be very difficult for me. I want to relocate closer to my family where I would have a good network of support.

I am stewing because I''m worried about the children losing contact with their dad. I just find the current situation of seeing all that I have lost (his family, our days out, him seeking/seeing new partners....) daily increasingly difficult to the point that I know it''s impacting on my ability to be positive. I have sought counselling and have thought very hard about this. I''m struggling to marry my wellbeing with the current situation.

I don''t want to stay in the area. I am terrified of the conflict that this will cause and don''t want my kids to be damaged because of my needs. Then I stress that I''m not giving them the best of me because I''m so emotionally worn by being in this place that is full of "what might have been" or "what should have been"....

Thoughts please x

Hi,

first thoughts would be what sort of distances are involved and how would contact between children and paternal side of family continue to work?

Also worth considering what it would be like to move back nearer to home. Depends how long you have been gone and how your life has changed in that time but when we move back it is never the same as our memories of the place we left.

Thank you WYSPECIAL for your reply.

The distance involved would a drive of 5 hours or a train journey of @4. STBX has an office in London that he has stated he needs to work from regularly so this would reduce the distance significantly for the children.

STBX does not drive.

I am under no illusions that things will have changed since I left my old pre marriage home. In fact I would be moving to an area slightly away from where I am originally from but where I have a lot of family and easier access to my social circle (pre STBX that I have maintained ). As well as a better quality of life for the children -more outdoors and access to more enriching experiences.

I understand and accept that the children need to have a positive relationship with their dad. I need to facilitate that and be positive about it to them. I feel that a new start would be conducive to this happening because I''d be able to move on emotionally and not least -not feel abandoned or left all the time which is how I feel at present.

I know I have a lot to think about and be mindful of.

Fifi, I think the main sticking point here will be how the children travel. You are choosing to move away, and you say your ex does not drive. Do you? If so, would you be prepared to transport the children to and from their fathers? I appreciate that the train is an option but not only is this very costly for your ex but subject to all sorts of delays and overcrowding that your children would also have to suffer.

Hi -I''d most certainly meet my share of the travel obligations. I have already initiated and supported most contact already.

I want my children to have a positive relationship with their father. I am really finding it difficult to maintain this positivity in the current set up of me doing the lions share of parenting and not getting any support (other than financial) as he decided to leave and I am away from the support that could be available to me.

I''m in the midst of completing a professional qualification that will enable me to support myself but this is jeopardised also by the lack of support because of the change in family dynamic.

Thanks for the input :0)

It sounds like you have thought this through carefully and your arguments are sound. Approaching your ex with a proposed contact schedule would be a good idea as he will no doubt panic when you tell him your intentions and may well try to stop your move. But if you have covered all angles then there is more chance of this progressing smoothly.