A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Mon/Fri 9am-6pm       Sat/Sun 2pm-6pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

contact-order premeditated disruption.

  • richard102
  • richard102's Avatar Posted by
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
More
20 Aug 12 #350606 by richard102
Topic started by richard102
my ex never respected my role as father when we were married. Therefore it was no real suprise that I needed to get a Contact Order to see my youngest children (12 & 10) every second weekend.

This has worked - with a tolerable amount of needle - for the past year.

Then about a month ago my ex started making feable excuses why the children couldn''t attend (like she did before the contact order was inplace). For example "The whole of [daughters] year have been invited out for a meal for end-of-term with their mothers.

btw 1) I get all the school literature 2) a meal doesn''t sound like a treat for the kids, rather there mothers 3) their mothers ?? not fathers ??? how likely is that 4) after the event I emailed my ex innocently asking for the invitation - because I should be getting everything the school sends out - I have not received a reply.


Anyways thats all background :)

A few weeks before this contact-weekend my ex emailed that [daughter] was booked on summer-school for a week starting my weekend. I send some polite and elequant emails requesting she not continualy book [daughter] on meals / trips as I have parental responsibility. And am never asked - only informed - after the fact.

I also contacted the solicitor who attended the Contact hearing with me, and asked for a letter to be sent to ex re-iterating my feelings, explaining that is was in-appropriate for ex to over-rule the court-order, and listing the consequences.

However ... at the eleventh our I (stupidly folded, having had no reply to any comunication) and telephoned asking who I was picking up as I was cooking. My ex informed me it would only be my son

- and that I could (if i wanted) see [daughter] next saturday from 1030 till 1700 as consolation. I agreed - even though it seemed like an easily broken promise as [daughter] will be tired after a week away, and getting ready for the new school term.

The weekend with [son] was uneventful and good. Until ... I went to drop him off at the appointed hour. His mothers car wasn''t in the drive (having lived with ex for 20 years and knowing her unwavering self-interest in all things - I immediatly suspected she had chose to attend [daughters] summer-camp at the sea-side to "help out").

I asked [son] to stay in my car (he didn''t) whilst I informed any house-occupant that he would be staying with me until ex was available for hand-over (my son has own room at my place - and there was no pressing need for him to not to stay with me IE: I''m between contracts at the moment, and my son still has 2 weeks of school holidays left).

Ex''s large brother answered the door and listened whilst I explained my reasoning to my son. My son became agitated as he wanted to go in - but - well, I have always felt that part of being a good man, a good father-figure was being a little stuborn in these situations.

Ex-Brother-in-law stood between father and [son] and asked my son to go in the house (which he did).

My ex called on my mobile and I explained again that the court-order is to hand-over to her - and that I was more than happy to drive son to her location to expadite (remember I strongly suspected she was at the beach with our daughter - during "my weekend").

She said that was rediculous and she would call the police.

ex-bro-inlaw started trying to anger me saying bizaarre things like "everyone around here knows your a child beater" and "is your car on HP it can be reposesed you know". (both untrue).

This was a little scarey - so I called the police (from my car) - who gave me an incident number - but dispite my lengthy pleading would not attend. I drove home


Advise please ...


- should I be going back to court to arrange a neutral pick up location?

- have I enough grounds to show my ex has contempt for the contact-order and seek a) joint-custody (one week each), b) full custody - despite being female ex is demenstratably Not the better parent.

- how can I ever gain back my status in my sons eyes?

  • rubytuesday
  • rubytuesday's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
More
20 Aug 12 #350612 by rubytuesday
Reply from rubytuesday
Do you really want to go back to Court and engage in yet another battle?

A summer school would benefit your daughter, and while it shouldn''t have been booked on your w/e without your knowledge and agreement, it''s a one-off really. Keep a diary of all attempts to frustrate contact, and if there is a clear pattern emerging, then you may need to think about submitting a C79 for enforcement of the original CO. You were given a few weeks notice of the summer school, and offered alternative times for you to spend with your daughter - not necessarily adequate, I know, but sometimes parents are required to be a bit flexible at times.

Either a person is gay or they are straight, or bi-sexual - it is not something that they choose to be, or become due to social/family factors.

Beating up your ex brother-in-law would be a criminal offence, and could land you with a custodial sentence, which would rather scupper your relationship with your children... I would avoid any confrontation with the brother-in-law if possible, as it will only make matters worse. Perhaps contacting the ex to ensure she will be present at the arranged hand-over before you leave your home is something to consider, this would avoid door-step confrontations with third parties, and distress to your children?

  • richard102
  • richard102's Avatar Posted by
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
More
20 Aug 12 #350662 by richard102
Reply from richard102
thanks rubytuesday ...

re "do I really want to go back to court" - yes I do. Even in the most unlucky court - I did not a thing wrong - despite huge provocation.

I''ve removed the not-so-serious-questions leaving just the questions I really wanted answers to namely ...

- have I enough grounds to show my ex has contempt for the contact-order and seek a) joint-custody (one week each), b) full custody - despite being female ex is demenstratably Not the better parent.

- should I be going back to court to arrange a neutral pick up location? (the police officer I spoke to at length at-the-time says they have a facility for this within social services).

thanks

  • rubytuesday
  • rubytuesday's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
More
20 Aug 12 #350666 by rubytuesday
Reply from rubytuesday
You would need to show there there is a distinct pattern of breaching the order on her part first, which is why I suggested you keep a diary of any attempts to thwart contact.

A Shared Residence Order (the joint custody you mention) wouldn''t necessarily resolve the current conflict and issues you speak of.

In your current order, is there a defined pick-up location? If not, then perhaps you could suggest that you arrange such a neutral venue between yourselves.

I would suggest that you offer family mediation in an effort to resolve the current difficulties before engaging in further litigation.

  • rubytuesday
  • rubytuesday's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
More
20 Aug 12 #350668 by rubytuesday
Reply from rubytuesday

ex is demonstrably Not the better parent.


Could you expand on this please - there may be issues that we aren''t aware of and which could affect the advice given.

  • richard102
  • richard102's Avatar Posted by
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
More
20 Aug 12 #350670 by richard102
Reply from richard102
hi rubytuesday

thanks for the quick reply - most appreciated. Against my efforts I really don''t feel there is much hope of an amicable way forward at this point.

  • richard102
  • richard102's Avatar Posted by
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
More
20 Aug 12 #350678 by richard102
Reply from richard102
re "could I expand on ... ex is demonstrably not the better parent".

Perhaps that''s a wish too far. It really is as plain-as-day to me (being practically able to read ex''s mind after such a long marriage) that ex''s actions are aimed at hurting me - ultimately - at the expense of our children.

However, I can see that this may not be clear to ... well ... anyone else :(

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11