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Truth about Children

  • Yummy_Mummy
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20 Aug 12 #350817 by Yummy_Mummy
Topic started by Yummy_Mummy
I can tell my story and so can stbx but children often don''t and they often can''t.

After having spoken to many who work and deal with children, listening to my children and older ones too, I decided to put my children''s wants and needs first.

I decided with having forked out extra money that ''shared residency'' is the right thing to do for my children.

This way children get to spend decent time with both parents.
This is the closest they will get to a unbroken home.

All these Orders...are they really necessary?
And I understand in some cases, they will be but in many they are not. They are just used to score points.

It is natural to want revenge because of the hurt caused.
But it will not achieve anything.
Neither will it get him to apologise to me or the children nor change anything for the better.

I have always tried to do the right thing for my children which is why I never left, tried to make it work, never involved anyone, did everything that was expected of me - to keep children stable.

Now, I am thinking even more of the children, I don''t want the children to feel further upset or go off the rails because their world has been torn apart for so many reasons.

Children want their parents - their Mum and their Dad.
No one can come close until one day they are able to decide for themselves and sometimes they can''t.

I also worry frantically about stbx saying things about me to the children like he has been saying to others.

I also understand how many feel so we are not alone and we can only keep trying our best.
And there is ''nothing'' I can do about it just like you can''t either.

I haven''t done shared residence for him, I have done it for my children.
Children want their Mum and Dad.
They don''t care about anything else.

Anger, humiliation, rejection.....Please will you consider what might be right for your children?

Some of us are trying really, really hard to help repair the damage caused.
All I know is that I really love my children and I miss them.
None of this is easy.


  • khan72
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20 Aug 12 #350819 by khan72
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Bless ya YM :)I admire you.

  • u6c00
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20 Aug 12 #350822 by u6c00
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  • Felixstowe
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20 Aug 12 #350824 by Felixstowe
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Can I ask......what made you go for the formality of a shared residence order? I consider that my ex and I have shared residency (4 nights me, 3 him every week), obviously not on a 50:50 basis because I feel I am in a better position to do the doctors, dentists part of the caring role as I did all that when we were together anyway, this is an informal agreement we have always had and I can''t see it being changed so don''t feel it necessary to go down the formal route.

I also wouldn''t say we have a brilliant relationship either, well not since the girl friend came on the scene and put a spanner in the works but we know which nights are ours. I am trying to change the contact nights so I get them for more quality time (he has them every weekend due to previous job role that he no longer does) so we are trying mediation as he isn''t allowed to speak to me on a normal basis. Just giving that info so you understand the relationship we have with each other is quite fraught but I still don''t feel the residency needs to be made formal so wondered why you did?

I''m also not opposed to making it more formal if that''s what he wishes, who knows what he feels? Might find out as I know she''s allowed him to sit across the table from me in mediation :laugh:

  • stepper
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20 Aug 12 #350826 by stepper
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I wish my ex. dil could read your post yummy-mummy. She will do whatever it takes to ensure that everything goes her way. The love the children have their father cuts no ice with her, in fact, if anything it is an irritation to her.

If all mums had your caring and thoughtful attitude there would be no need for lengthy and costly Court appearances. Children need love and security from both parents, they don''t need to be caught in the middle of a battlefield.

  • disneybunny
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20 Aug 12 #350832 by disneybunny
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Well said, if only life worked like that.

  • sexysadie
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20 Aug 12 #350847 by sexysadie
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Lovely post YM.

Why do we need Orders? To protect people like you from exes who abuse your care for the children. Now you have an Order you are safer from his nasty threats.

You also have the moral high ground - a nice place to be.

Sadie x

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