A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Little help please

  • ffc1991
  • ffc1991's Avatar Posted by
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
24 Aug 12 #351618 by ffc1991
Topic started by ffc1991
My EX partner moved in with her auntie 5 months ago and as far as I know is still staying there. The room she''s staying in is a very small room like a box room single bed and my daughters cot nothing else at all really and no spare room. Now my daughters approaching 1 in a months time. I''m really not happy about my daughter being stuck in a little room like that. It could be just me though what''s other peoples opinions?

Anyways iv''e asked my EX what her plans are as she told me she would only be staying At her aunties for a couple of months. I''ve asked her a couple of times now in emails where we''ve been talking about My daughter and she''s refusing to give details of where she''s staying or her plans.

This has led me to believe that she may have moved in with her new boyfriend.

What should I do?

All I want to know is where my daughter is currently living and if at aunties still has she got any plans for getting her own place. I''ve even offered to help with a deposit etc.

Thanks in advance

  • u6c00
  • u6c00's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
24 Aug 12 #351631 by u6c00
Reply from u6c00
I''ve been in a similar situation. You could try writing directly to her solicitor and asking them. There''s no reason why she should keep her home address secret unless there has ever been an issue of harassment. If your ex has not made an application to the court to keep her address private, then there''s no reason they can''t tell you.

Something along the lines of "Dear Sirs, I would be grateful if you could provide confirmation of the home address of my daughter while she is in the care of your client. I do not believe that your client has made an application to keep her address private. Yours faithfully ..."

As for the bedroom situation, I can understand what you''re saying but I don''t think you''re likely to get anywhere with it. At the age of 1 it''s still reasonable for a child to sleep in the same room as a parent so I don''t think it''s worth raising at the moment.

Once upon a time CAFCASS would (sometimes) visit houses when compiling reports and something that was unacceptable might have been noted but they are too overworked, and most reports are now based on telephone interviews.

  • ffc1991
  • ffc1991's Avatar Posted by
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
24 Aug 12 #351636 by ffc1991
Reply from ffc1991
Thanks U6

Never been an issue of harassment me going to her home etc, bit before court all correspondence was via solicitors as my partner said I was getting close to harassment emailing and texting her. Was only me trying to see my daughter and it wasn''t excessive. But we''re now talking via email again every now and then.

I do want to know where my daughter is living and with her just totally avoiding the subject it''s making me really uneasy about the whole situation.

Yh I wasn''t going to raise the bedroom situation into an argument and try to use it as weight in an argument as I CBa with all that especially as like you said her being just 1 however. I do know my EX bd has slept in the same room as my daughter which does make me uneasy and is really why I want my daughter to have her own room. I have no direct proof but I know 100% that this is the case.

Thanks once again

  • ffc1991
  • ffc1991's Avatar Posted by
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
04 Sep 12 #353702 by ffc1991
Reply from ffc1991
I''m now definately under the impression that my EX has moved house. I avoided writing this letter to avoid confrontation but if my EX has moved in with her new partner without telling me then I would be extremely unhappy about this. They''ve only been dating a few months and he''s already been sleeping in my daughters room which I find highly innapropriate.

Can someone help me with what I put in the solicitors letters exactly like headings etc thankyou.

ffc1991

  • jslgb
  • jslgb's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
04 Sep 12 #353743 by jslgb
Reply from jslgb
I wouldnt have a clue what to write in a letter but just thought i''d add my experience into the mix.

My stbxh has refused to provide his address. He has told me before now it is because he thinks i will turn up at contact. He only has 6 and 1/2 hours contact a week and i have no desire to turn up. Truth be told if i rang him kicking up a fuss i could get him to return my daughter if the need ever arose anyway! And, he''s hooked up with a woman who me and my daughter knew quite well who has told me before now where she lives, so all it would take is for me to drive to the area, find their cars and hey presto! Suffice to say its been 21 months so far and i still havent popped up!

My solicitor has requested his address several times as at the moment all correspondence goes through his mothers address. However, he is not obliged to give it me and there isnt anything we can do to obtain it.

If your ex is being evasive about her address there is most probably a reason for it and if you push her to disclose it you may find yourself facing allegations of harassment or the like to avoid her giving it to you. My ex isnt declaring he lives with his OW and so obviously she is receiving benefits which i think is his motivation for not giving me his address.

Have you tried the electoral roll?

  • ffc1991
  • ffc1991's Avatar Posted by
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
04 Sep 12 #353748 by ffc1991
Reply from ffc1991
Hi JSL

I actually emailed my EX yesterday informing her of my new address. If my daughter is going to be staying there in the future imo it''s only right she knows where my daughter will be staying. But imo should work both ways.

Iv''e never turnt up at the house unnanounced even when she was refusing me access to my daughter.

The thing is if she is living with new partner I just want to know about it and know about living arrangements. Especially as my EX has point blankly refused my daughter to meet my new partner in any circumstances. Which atm i haven''t fought as my relationship with my daughter is more important atm. It''s got to the point where I have moved away from my partner and friends and family to suit her and not moved into a place with my partner just to avoid confrontation in the short term.

I''m getting a little fed up of going completely out of my way to make things easier for her and just be met by brick wall after brick wall.

She''s also just told me this morning that I have to buy a new car seat, pram and pretty much everything else. When everything she owns I paid for. I''m a student now no job and I already pay my sister £150 in petrol costs, My EX £100 a month maintenance when i Was quoted £33 not to mention my travel costs and now she''s telling me I have to buy a new pram etc etc makes me seriously mad and I know i''m a mug for doing it all but just don''t want anything to jeopradise my realtionship with my daughter, but only so much of it I can take :@

sorry for the rant and going a bit of topic but it''s so frustrating, just asking a simple question of where my daughter is living could risk me getting done for harassment is a joke.

  • Elphie
  • Elphie's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
04 Sep 12 #353754 by Elphie
Reply from Elphie
I can understand you wanting to know where your daughter is, but I really don''t think it is within your right to complain about who your ex lives with. He didn''t "share a room with your daughter" he shared a room with your ex. As a mother, you have to trust that she did not do anything inappropriate while the daughter was in the room. It can''t have been comfortable for your ex living in a single room with her daughter. But maybe she didn''t answer your questions of when are you moving because she didn''t know. Accusing you of harassment is too extreme, but can you imagine how annoying it must be to be asked constantly about something which you are also unhappy about, AND have no idea when or how you are going to change it? I think at best I''d ignore the questions, but more likely to give the person a mouthful!

Now she has finally managed to move out, but it''s with a boyfriend whom you clearly disapprove of. Is she aware you dissaprove of him? If so, this may be why she is avoiding telling you. Not because she thinks you will do anything, but just to avoid an arguement. Maybe, if there''d is any chance that she knows you dont want her moving in with her boyfriend, your email should begin by telling her you are not going to argue with her over this fact, maybe even wish her happiness in her new relationship. Then ask for the address, as you would like to know where your daughter lives.

If that doesn''t work, a polite, formal letter to her solisitor asking for the address of your daughter.

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11