A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Mon/Fri 9am-6pm       Sat/Sun 2pm-6pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Am I entititled?

  • lfoz
  • lfoz's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
24 Aug 12 #351686 by lfoz
Topic started by lfoz
I am separated from the father of my 9 month old little Boy. Until recently things have been fairly amicable.

My son has an older Brother to his Father. My boys Brothers Mother has never been in contact with my child as I have stated that I do not want her in contact with my child as I strongly believe that she is mentally unstable.

My Sons father has respected this but has disagreed.

Now that my sons father and I do not communicate I am worried that he will allow contact with my son and this person.

Have I got the right to state that I do not want this person in contact with my son?

any advice would be hugely appreciated

thanks

  • u6c00
  • u6c00's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
24 Aug 12 #351689 by u6c00
Reply from u6c00
In short, not unless you have some evidence that your son is at risk of harm.

Unfortunately it''s one of the things that goes with separation; when couples were together if one disapproved of a certain person they would discuss it together. Once separated any attempt to start a real dialogue over a similar issue is often perceived as controlling or aggressive.

It''s a sad fact of separation that parents often won''t know or won''t approve of certain activities or people. Unless there is a real risk of harm to the child you have to let go though.

In a case involving my step son''s bio father and his new gf she became abusive via text message. In the end the father agreed to an undertaking not to bring my step son into contact with the new gf. Bear in mind that was by consent, not court ordered.

  • lfoz
  • lfoz's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
24 Aug 12 #351692 by lfoz
Reply from lfoz
If my sons father does not accept my wishes does this mean that I have no control over who my Son is in contact with?

many thanks for the reply.

The only way that I know how to deal with this is to stop access until he agrees or if one party decides on legal proceedings.

I have asked my Sons Brothers Mother if we can discuss this and eliminate concerns but she is not prepared to do this.

She has caused many problems and I am concerned that she will cause more problems.

I cannot bear the thought of somebody so unstable to be around my Son

  • u6c00
  • u6c00's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
24 Aug 12 #351695 by u6c00
Reply from u6c00
No, you don''t have the ability to dictate what goes on during father''s contact time (unless there is evidence that the child may come to harm). You have a right to an opinion, which of course you have already expressed, and he has a right to his own opinion. Your opinion does not outrank his opinion because either a) you''re the mother or b) you have the majority of the contact.

During father''s contact time he is responsible for your child, and that means making the decisions about who the child spends time with, though of course he ought to bear your opinion in mind.

Stopping contact without damn good evidence is not a good move. It inflames the situation, will lead to significant and protracted court proceedings which may be extremely expensive for you and completely ruins any prospect of trusting each other in the future.

Don''t ever forget the most important person in this situation - the child. Your child has a right to (and will benefit from) a relationship with father and you should not try to interrupt that unless it''s the last resort or you have a genuine and provable fear that the child may come to harm.

Unless there is evidence you will also look bad when it goes to court and get off on the wrong foot with the courts immediately.

There are a lot of better options than just stopping contact. Consider mediation, go to a separated parents information programme, try and re-establish positive communication. Any of these are better than what you have suggested.

  • rubytuesday
  • rubytuesday's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
More
24 Aug 12 #351697 by rubytuesday
Reply from rubytuesday
Welcome to Wikivorce.

I agree with U6c00 - and would add that so far, your ex has respected your wishes, has he given you any indication that he won''t in future?

I would urge you to not stop contact, to with-hold contact until he agrees with your demands, or takes you to Court to re-establish contact could be seen as obstructive and controlling. Contact is for the benefit of your son, and it is his right to have an on-going and meaningful relationship with his father as well as you.

What are the current contact arrangements?

  • lfoz
  • lfoz's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
24 Aug 12 #351702 by lfoz
Reply from lfoz
We are in the process of agreeing arrangements as we speak but yes my Childs Father has told me that my Child will be looked after alone with this person.

I think he is saying this to ''get at me'' if that is a correct phrase to use.

I do not believe that my Child is at any physical harm but I do not know what lengths this person will go to. I do not know the reasons why this person has caused trouble but I feel.

I have suggested to both the father of my child and this person that we discus our concerns so that I can eliminate my concerns and so that I can feel comfortable with this person to be in contact with my Son.

This person refuses to talk to me. How can I allow somebody to be alone with my child if they refuse to communicate/talk to me?

  • Chained
  • Chained's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
24 Aug 12 #351720 by Chained
Reply from Chained
If you do not know this "person", then how do are you so certain that she is unstable and will harm your son?

And to be honest, it is a bit weird that you refer to your ex husband''s partner as "this person"... Or is it a male partner?

My opinion is that you need to trust the father of your child that he will not do anything to put him in harm''s way, including his choice of partner. It is easier if you see it this way.

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11