New girlfriend sleeping over-nights I have my son

After 6 months of my girlfriend meeting my son on his weekend stays, I''d like to get to the situation where she can stay over. She lives an hour away so it would make it easier, and she can spend more time getting to know my son.

My son likes her and gets on with her well,but I''m looking for advice from anybody who has been through this on the best way to handle it.

He sneaks into my bed most nights I have him, which isn''t a problem, but I''d hate to think of him doing that and seeing my girlfriend and thinking he can''t come in. He''s 5 next month and has been used for the last two years of getting daddy all to himself, so I don''t want to make him feel like he''s pushed out.

Any advice would be great, thanks

Presumably, at some point, your son will need to start sleeping in his own bed all night.

I would suggest that you build up gradually, and encourage your son to remain in his own bed during "sleeping time", but make it very clear that you would love him to come through when he wakes in the morning for cuddles and stories in your bed. This will probably mean a few weeks of returning your son to his own bed when he comes through, and perhaps staying with him until he falls back to sleep. praise him each and every time he returns to his own bed, and when he stays there.

I would imagine that what once a need to check you were still there, and a need for reassurance has now become a habit. My own daughter did this, and it meant disrupted sleep for her by sneaking through, and once she didn''t require the reassurance anymore, still came through out of habit.

If you feel that by your GF being there, he may feel excluded, I think you would need to tackle him staying in his own bed first, then introduce your GF staying overnight, so that the two are not linked, as far as your son is concerned.

When children have been used to having a parent all to themselves for a long time, then the parent introduces a new partner, it can be difficult for the child. make sure that you spend time with your son on his own, and offer constant (and subtle) reassurance that he is the one you love most in the world.

Lissa1974 wrote:

He sneaks into my bed most nights I have him, which isn''t a problem, but I''d hate to think of him doing that and seeing my girlfriend and thinking he can''t come in.

I personally dont think it would be appropriate for your son to be getting into bed with you and your girlfriend at such an early stage. I would do as Ruby suggests and work up to your son sleeping in his bed throughout the night before you consider putting him in a situation where he will find someone else in your bed.

I certainly wouldnt want my 6 year old climbing into bed with my stbxh''s partner after 6 months. Your son may like your gf but by introducing her full time during contact is a big step and could go either way. A gradual build up will help your son adjust to the situation without it being such a big deal for him.

My daughter met the OW at the 6 month mark and has probably had 2 days one to one with her dad since then and its been about 14 months. She absolutely hates this, is very wary of the OW and her kids and loosing interest in seeing her dad now as she often gets pushed to the side in favour of the other, older children. I''m not saying this is the case and you dont mention how long the split is but at 4/5 its a lot of big changes and the slowly slowly approach is often best!

Put the GF in a separate room and be with son TBH, I would never have a GF sleep over as I have gone off women completely.

I should have explained, my son wasn''t introduced to my girlfriend for a year after I started seeing her, and it''s now been six months since he met her. We have taken things very slowly and the majority of time it is still only me and him. She will join us on days out and activities, but we have taken it very slowly to make sure he is ok. He starts school this week so I am waiting until a couple of months of this has passed and he is a little settled.

As you have quite rightly pointed out I don''t want him to feel pushed out, or not want to come to Dads, but in reality next year we may well be looking for a place to live together, so it has to happen at some stage. My GF doesn''t have children so it makes it slightly easier, but I have to be careful with the approach hence the advice.

you would be surprised what kids accept and know about at any age.
What I did is say to my kids, gf has such a long way to travel home shall we let her stay.
We make sure we use night clothes, and my son comes and gets into bed with me and my gf on occasion, its natural and they think its fun.
dont worry too much about it, the more you do or make it an issue the harder it will be, he will probably play hide and seek with her in bed...!

I would be very careful of allowing children to share a bed with a parent; whilst it is one of the most natural things in life, the situation can be used against a parent should a contact situation become conflicted in the future, it could be used against you and false allegations made. Sad, but unfortunately happens far too often