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ready to give up on my daughter

  • grafter
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30 Aug 12 #352858 by grafter
Topic started by grafter
Hi everyone,
My subject is the one thing in a horrible situation..that has kept me going for so long.but now im at the end of my tether.
My wife walked out on us,all 16 monnths ago to be with a bad man,and a marrige wrecker,leaving me and our 3 childten shockrd to say the least.the same story you hear about all the time,ilybanilwya.
Fast forward to present day and things are not good for me and kids,i have met a lovely woman been together 8monts and ver UT much in love.i am truly happy again,after going thriugh hell last year.
The problem is the kids 2 lads 22 21 who hate each other and my daughter who is 11.the lads are young men now and hopefully csn sort things out,but our daughter is going through a horrible time.
I took my ex yo court last year for reidency and got joint in short term but gave up that wrn I seen the effect it was having on her,her mam wS showing herletters and telling her things shr shoudent have..
I rIsed this in court andwith cafcas but ti no avail.very recently I wrnt to solicitor about same prob who advised me to sre social services,they looked into itand did a repot.my exs reaso is she thinks m daughter is ild enough to know things,i totally disagree.but my ex. And her partner have changed mydaughters views on lots of things.and it concerns me greatly.
My new partnner and daughter get on realy well.ironically she to is a social wirker.
I see my daughter 3 timrs a week but there has bern hassle for us all the timr.my dsughtet belives evefuthing hsr mam tells her,and therr is nothing I can do about it.i have not and will not tell ir sau things to her.and for that reasoni ferl like im losing her..i asked tpmeet with ex to sort it but no luck there.last werk I could not get out of wok to pick daughtet up so soex reported me to csa.andmy daughter had a go at me.
The thing is now my daughterbelives I have chiisen my partner over her,wich is not true.
Should I give up contact tokerp my daughter out of it.

  • Kazzabell80
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30 Aug 12 #352862 by Kazzabell80
Reply from Kazzabell80
You should do your utmost to keep the contact going with her.

You are the one that needs to convince her in every possible way that you can that you love her unconditionally and that nothing will ever change that.

If you give up on her now, it will send the wrong message and she will never forgive you.

Keep trying whatever you do. One day she will appreciate your efforts of never giving up on her.

Best wishes

  • AlannasAdventure
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07 Sep 12 #354403 by AlannasAdventure
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definately don''t give up.
We have a similar problem with my step-daugter being involved in ways she shouldn''t be, and manipulated to think we are doing something horrible by ''taking mummy to court''.

The best we can do is show her when she is with us that we love her, and hope that she learns to see through the lies. She is happy & content when with us and only has a problem when her mother is behind the phone making comments.

She knows we love her, and we just have to keep showing her this as much as we can. Giving up on contact would be an easy and less painful option in the short term, but long term, not only would you suffer but so would your daughter.

  • Lostboy67
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07 Sep 12 #354407 by Lostboy67
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Hi,
The first thing to say is that you should not give up contact.
I can''t imagine the CSA were particularly bothered about you missing one pickup, my kids quite often have a go at parents, you wait for a couple of years until she is a teenager, you just need to ride it out.
Your daughter should be kept out of the ''grown up'' stuff. but do not be tempted to drawn into doing the same as your ex.

LB

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