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Living in a different city to my son

  • mjtefc9
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03 Sep 12 #353623 by mjtefc9
Topic started by mjtefc9
I was living in London with my ex and my 6 month old son, we could not live together and I have moved back home to Liverpool. My ex partner is refusing to let me see my child, he was one year old two weeks ago and she wouldn''t let me see him, she lets me buy train tickets and then cancels the visits, she has said I can see him this weekend so I again have bought train tickets so fingers crossed. The problem is regular contact, she has now said I can see him 11-4, once a month, I can live with that for now, but she says I can''t have him overnight till he is 5! That is unfair, I have started a new job and I am trying to build a better life for me and my son in Liverpool. How should I proceed, because she has no intention of letting him stay with me at all

  • Fiona
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03 Sep 12 #353656 by Fiona
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IT''s usually worth trying mediation to resolve difficulties in the first instance. If that doesn''t resolve matters there is little alternative other than apply to court for a contact order. There is an expectation that most parents attend at least a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting and if you have already tried mediation beforehand that box will have been ticked.

A court might not order overnights at the moment, and you say you can live with that, but overnights would be ordered long before a child reaches 5 years of age. The advantage of a court order would be that you could apply for financial compensation for the expenses associated with missed contact.

  • ozzywiz
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03 Sep 12 #353664 by ozzywiz
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Defo not acceptable, agree with Fiona on mediation and then court. do what it takes for oyur son to have a full relationship with you his father. Are you on the birth certificate and have PR ? . . Once a month for a child so oyung is also not good for the child as a bond and relationship needs to be built. overnight should be starting asap.

  • Forseti
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04 Sep 12 #353687 by Forseti
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I think you have to be realistic; this is a case in which going to court could make matters much worse. A one-year-old child is very different from a six-month-old and you haven''t been involved in hands-on care for half his life, learning the necessary parenting skills. That is a situation which will get worse.

A court may very well order only supervised contact at a contact centre, possibly only for an hour a month. That''s worse than the contact you currently have. In addition you will make mum even more hostile to contact and unwilling to promote it.

It is difficult to understand from the limited detail given, but it sounds as if you have walked out on your ex and a six-month-old and gone to live hundreds of miles away; frankly I''m not surprised she isn''t keen on enabling contact. Perhaps there is more to this story than you are telling.

I think you may need to rebuild a few bridges and mediation would certainly be the best way to go about that. Contact at this age needs to be little and often; that may not suit you and your new arrangements, but it is what is best for your son. I can''t see any point in going to court if you don''t have a realistic pattern of contact mapped out, and a sensible proposal regarding how you are going to be an involved and committed parent.

  • mjtefc9
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04 Sep 12 #353693 by mjtefc9
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Think thats harsh, as I brought my son up from the day he was born to 5 months old, and then his mother became impossible to live with, we ran a business were we both lived (a pub), and i even moved to a different part of the building to try and resolve problems. And so for the sake of my son and my sanity I left leaving with just a bag, and leaving her with a business and all the furniture and good we had accumulated. So to say I just walked out with no thought is harsh to say the least, and think you should of asked the details before making a statement, as for everyone else thank you for your comments, It is so hard because of his age !

  • BoysMum
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04 Sep 12 #353694 by BoysMum
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Foresti has made some very valid points.

Maybe try the 11-4 contact that she has offered and see how that works out to begin with. What is your relationship like with your Son? Does he remember you? I agree that a young child will initially need little but often contact, are you in a position to offer this given the distance involved?

All the best.

  • rubytuesday
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04 Sep 12 #353698 by rubytuesday
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I disagree that the advice given by Forseti is "harsh", it is realistic, and the points made are ones you need to bear in mind, espcially the point about the possibility of a Court only "awarding" supervised contact/contact centre or indirect contact.

Your first steps forward should be to offer mediation, appear to be reconciliatory and at all times, keep your reasoning child-focused.

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