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Contact progress and Couple questions

  • ffc1991
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04 Sep 12 #353700 by ffc1991
Topic started by ffc1991
Well past 2 weeks have had 1 hour sessions with my daughter and starting from next week it will be 2 hours a week :).

They''ve been going really well and my daughter now recognises me again :). Even when Mummy picks her up she doesen''t kick up a fuss and scream to go to Mummy she''s quite happily staying with Daddy till I pass her over.

Anyways back to my question.

My daughters Birthday is in a months time and I wanted to do a little party at a play center or something. The people who follow my case atm will know my sister supervises me atm and she travels 60 miles every Sat to come do the supervision.

Well on my daughters birthday I was wanting to let my daughter meet her 2 cousins who both loved seeing her when she was little and always ask to see my daughter again.

I personally think it would be great and I know my daughter would love it as at the contact center she always wanted to play with the other kids but they wasn''t interested, where as my nephew and niece would be.

The court order doesen''t state I can''t introduce other people to my daughter but then it doesen''t say I can either. So i''m not sure where I stand.

Am I allowed to take my nephew and niece with me with my sister for a little party or would I be going against any order?

Another question is regarding the contact book me and my EX keep.

My EX after each session constantly raises stupid little concerns in the book even after we''ve spoken about it.

For example my EX usually sticks snacks in my daughters bag but I was only seeing my daughter for an hour and after giving her her milk she''s uninterested. I told her this yet she still puts it in the book that i''m not feeding her her snacks. She also put in the book that after the last visit she had pen all over her. It was on her hands after doing a couple of drawings and the pen was washable. She kicked off that she was washing my daughter for hours and that i''m irresposnible putting a pen near my daughter. When I was right beside my daughter doing the drawing with her.

I''m a bit worried that after every session a stupid summit like above is written in the book even when we''ve discussed it befoe hand. What do I do just put my justified response in the book or w.e?

Thanks for reading :)

  • BoysMum
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04 Sep 12 #353705 by BoysMum
Reply from BoysMum
ffc1991 - I am glad things are progressing nicely between you and your daughter :)

The comments in the contact book? Pathetic and small minded comes to mind. If it were me, I wouldn''t even bother dignifying the comments with a response. Surely anyone reading the comments would see that it is utter rubbish.

Your ex certainly is making you jump through hoops. You are doing everything right, and are a great Dad ;)

As for the Birthday party, I really don''t know what the answer is. Have you mentioned it to your ex? She sounds like the sort of person who will kick up over the smallest of things, so would think that if you do it off your own back, your going to lay yourself wide open for criticism.

Hang on in there, your doing a great job :)

  • ffc1991
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04 Sep 12 #353710 by ffc1991
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Thanks :)

Yahh about the pen etc :/, just don''t want it to come back on me not giving a response like explaining it was a washable pen etc and was doing drawings. Feel like I should explain myself but why should I? I''m doing nothing wrong.

It''s weird cause my EX is being perfectly reasonable at 1 point were talking via email again getting on to an extent and then sheel do summit pathetic like the above. Still believe her parents are behind it but owell.

I haven''t mentioned it to my EX as of yet, if it wouldn''t be allowed then wouldn''t really be any point. But if it would be allowed then ofcourse i''d inform her before hand that I''d be doing a party etc.

I need to write a letter to my EX sol asking where she''s currently living should I put it in the sol letter?

Dunno what to do really, It''s my daughters first birthday and the kids have made her cards and ask to see her all the time. WHy should my daughter not see them because of an awkward EX :/.

To people who have followed my case iv''e also moved to where my daughter lives well half hour away :), it beats travelling 5 hours to see her :). Moved here yesterday very lonely but ahh well lol.

  • sillywoman
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04 Sep 12 #353727 by sillywoman
Reply from sillywoman
You are an incredible father - as regards your ex and "the book", ignore silly comments. Milk is filling and a food in itself,so that is why your daughter doesnt want anything else as well.

As regards the cousins - not too sure, because although of course the little girl has a right to know her cousins, it may rile your ex up and cause you unnecessary stress. So maybe leave the meeting for another time.

Slowly and surely is the way forward. Every little girl needs her daddy - congratulations!

My ex has a new life which includes his girlfriends daughter and granddaughter, but not our own 3 teenage daughters. His choice and for which one day he will suffer greatly for.

  • WhiteRose
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04 Sep 12 #353732 by WhiteRose
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Wow - milk and snacks in 1 hour - blimey that''s a lot.

I would''ve assumed it was milk or snacks and TBH within 1 hour of contact - if she didn''t have either its very unlikely she''s going to starve or have any detrimental affects ;)

Try not to let the little comments get to you, she obviously wants things done her way and perhaps does not trust your abilities yet. But carry on calmly and not rising to the bait and you will show (not that you need to prove anything) that you''re more than capable.

On the keeping her clean front - a few weeks ago my daughter had 3 changes of clothes before 11am because of our messy play :)I didn''t mind the cleaning up because she had so much fun!

I''m thrilled you''re having fun with your daughter. You''re creating fantastic memories together :)


  • jslgb
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04 Sep 12 #353734 by jslgb
Reply from jslgb
Hey ff,

Glad things are getting better for you :-D.

With the contact book, i wouldnt necessarily respond to the comments your ex has written, but i would try and pre-empt them. When you write in the book after your contact make sure you write that your daughter didnt have her snacks and why. If you do an activity which you think your ex will comment on, include it in the book before you hand it back eg: we''ve been colouring in together and x may have got some pen on her, dont worry its a washable pen... or something along those lines. My stbxh had a contact book with his first wife and we always had to make sure every little detail was mentioned so she wouldnt make little digs!

As for the birthday party, i personally dont see a problem with it. Has your ex raised any concerns with your family members before? I know she''s been willing to allow certain members to supervise contact so i dont see why you should be wary about introducing your daughter to her paternal family now contact is progressing so well. If you do think it would cause problems then go with your gut but i would be inclined to look at it from the point of view that your daughter isnt able to communicate what you do in your time and so your ex has no reason to find out. Might be viewed as sneaky but i am constantly told from my solicitor that what my stbxh does with my daughter is none of my business and i have no right to know what she''s doing, who she''s with, where she is or even where he lives. If your child is under your care its down to you to decide what to do with her. I dont think any court would disagree with you introducing your daughter to her cousins!!

Difficult situation but you are a parent in your own right, you dont need to be asking permission to do things with your daughter. However, you need to weigh up what the outcomes may be!

All the best x

  • khan72
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04 Sep 12 #353740 by khan72
Reply from khan72

ignore everything. its just done to wind you up. i got lots of that. when ex kicked up a fuss, the ladies at the contact centre calmed her and got her to leave. after my contact centre visits stopped, i treated people to ferero rocher. its only then they all told me how they felt sorry for me and confirmed these "tricks".

these are all psychological tactics... water off a ducks back. you will get contact. more and better contact as the case progresses. if the order does not say others cannot be present, then check the contact centre policy. inform beforehand but dont expect her to be open to the idea.
do not be surprised by a "no". You see its all about control. "This child my is solely my property". this is the attitude you are dealing with. learn how to deal with it temporarily.

be patient... as an FYI, i have never spent a birthday, holiday, religiour day, xmas or new year with my kid. she will be 2 soon. i expect to have her for the third birthday.

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