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finaly had to admit defeat

  • grafter
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05 Sep 12 #353910 by grafter
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Hi everyone
Last night after more hassle of my ex.i have finally decidrd that I have to temporary let my daughter go.
I do this with a heavey heart.i love her so much.but things are just to hard,confusing and overwhelming.....
I am supposed to see my daughter 3days a week..but my ex has been totally nasty about it.days wen I cant leave work to collect her my ex refuses to have her dropped off,my daughter is 11.
This has resulted in my ex telling my daughter things like I have put my new partner and her kids before my own wich is titally untrue.
My ex walked out if a 24 year happy relationship for a *****.who my ex lets me know thinks the world of my daughter.and daughter thinks like wise..no matter wat I say now is completly usrd against me....
I went through torture last year but came through it and am very happy with a brautiful loving woman who my daughter gets on realy well with.
My problem is her mam is playing silly games and I am fed up with looking the bad one all the time.
Me and my daughter were due to go on holl in jan .but I dont want her to only want to see me cos of that.i want her to tell me she wants to see her dad wenever she wants without the need for her mam to cause more hassle.do I do wat my friends say and cancell holliday and back off and wait for daughter to make her own decisions.and put me first for a change,just so I can move on with my life.am I not allowed happines to ,...
Thanks

  • MrsMathsisfun
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05 Sep 12 #353914 by MrsMathsisfun
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Please dont give up, Have you tried mediation or the courts?

If you feel that you cant see her please at least keep in contact via letter or if she has a phone text.

My partners ex is also the one who broke up the marriage but blames my partner (and now me!!) for everything thats wrong in her life.:S

My partner also has had the how much her new partner love their children and how my partner repeatedly lets the children down by not paying enough money for all the little extras the children cost. She receives over £500 per month for the children! Earns the same as my partner working only 4 days a week!!

Luckily she hasnt actually stopped contact but does make it difficult sometimes.

  • ffc1991
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05 Sep 12 #353916 by ffc1991
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Just don''t give up as far as I''m concerned. If you back off there''s nothing stopping your ex feeding your daughter more lies and turning her against you further. If you cancel the holiday what''s to stop your ex from saying something like "Daddy didn''t want to go on holiday with you" bla bla bla etc.

Have you attempted mediation or got a contact order in place?

Does the loss of contact for those 3 days happen often?

If your daughter is fond of your EXs new partner try not to see it as a bad point. I know it''s hard But someone said the exact same thing to me which made me think. The more people in your daughters life who are there for her and care for her the better.

No1 will ever replace you as her Dad and in time your daughter will realise the truth and see what you have done.

So many people on hear say karma will happen in the end and that''s what I try and hold onto.

Just don''t give up !!!!

  • JamesLondon
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05 Sep 12 #353928 by JamesLondon
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Grafter you will hear no end of people telling you to fight.

I gave up fighting. It was causing the children to be distressed, it was causing my ex distress to continually go back to court and it was doing me no good. Meanwhile every court appearance was costing the ex 1000s that could be better spent on the children.

Sometimes the right thing to do is to be the better person and walk away when you are faced with an ex who is that hostile. It is the judgement of Solomon. Do you continue until your children are cut in half or do you concede and allow the liar to get their way?

It will give you space to move on and rebuild if you are not continually focussed on fighting for contact.

  • hawaythelads
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05 Sep 12 #353934 by hawaythelads
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Hi grafter

Personally I wouldn''t listen to friends.its not their daughter.
I certainly wouldn''t under any circumstances be listening to the ex wife she''s just trying to do your head in and your falling for it.
Yes darling I''m so glad our daughter has a wonderful relationship with your new partner.I''d hate to think that your choice of new partner had a negative effect on her.
You need to detach your feelings and hatred of the ex wife and new bloke and any issues or agendas she tries to suck you into from the relationship with your daughter.
The way to win the war with an ex wife is never let on that you actually give a shxt about anything.
Drives em bonkers.
Look don''t rely on your ex wife to do anything whatsoever for you.have to work late can''t pick the kids up from school as arranged tough shxt she aint never gonna help you your problem why r u getting upset about that find someone else or another solution.
Kids are just kids why are you projecting the problems your ex wife causes on to her?
She should pick me grow up man she''s just a kid don''t make her the problem.
See your daughter when you can don''t cancel the holiday if she knows about it already that''s just nasty and causes more trouble.
As the bloke you just need to see the game for what it is a load of old bollox from the ex wife dictating all the terms that you just out manoeuvre without any direct confrontation.
All the best
Hrh xx

  • DrDaddy
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05 Sep 12 #353945 by DrDaddy
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hawaythelads wrote:

Hi grafter

Personally I wouldn''t listen to friends.its not their daughter.
I certainly wouldn''t under any circumstances be listening to the ex wife she''s just trying to do your head in and your falling for it.
Yes darling I''m so glad our daughter has a wonderful relationship with your new partner.I''d hate to think that your choice of new partner had a negative effect on her.
You need to detach your feelings and hatred of the ex wife and new bloke and any issues or agendas she tries to suck you into from the relationship with your daughter.
The way to win the war with an ex wife is never let on that you actually give a shxt about anything.
Drives em bonkers.
Look don''t rely on your ex wife to do anything whatsoever for you.have to work late can''t pick the kids up from school as arranged tough shxt she aint never gonna help you your problem why r u getting upset about that find someone else or another solution.
Kids are just kids why are you projecting the problems your ex wife causes on to her?
She should pick me grow up man she''s just a kid don''t make her the problem.
See your daughter when you can don''t cancel the holiday if she knows about it already that''s just nasty and causes more trouble.
As the bloke you just need to see the game for what it is a load of old bollox from the ex wife dictating all the terms that you just out manoeuvre without any direct confrontation.
All the best
Hrh xx


Good post. Spot on.

  • Fiona
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05 Sep 12 #353955 by Fiona
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From what has been said it sounds as though 3 days a week might not be practical and rather than give up perhaps negotiating a different arrangement that can work for everyone might be a better way forward. Even an average of 1 or 2 days contact a week is better than no contact.

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