- Posts: 23
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From what I have read from your posts I believe that you and your significant other are doing a marvellous job.
It is, in my view, a case of taking each case on its merits; I have read what a hidious time you have had with your ex and what a hideous time you are experiencing with your current complex situation - by which I mean trying to balance the emotional and financial needs of your own children along with the complex and difficult needs (most importantly rights and responsibilites) of your new partner, your partners parents and of course your partners stbx spouses needs and responsibilities.
Hi I would suggest that you get any idea (however well intentioned) out of your head about becoming the Waltons simply becuase both your and your partner but more importantly his and your kids are the result of disingaged families.
Actually, and I know it is well intentioned but children see through bribes in the end (by which I mean making fun out of trips to grandparents with pizzas - pizzas are not love they are just something you buy - think on and remember that).
Love lasts a lifetime, it cannot be bought with extravident pressents and it cannot be lost through poverty; that is an enormously hard lesson to be leart as I am sure you well know bearing in mind your personal experience with your ex.
I am sorry, but is it only me that sees that the contact arrangements made by the father (although with good intent), might be one of the reasons that the child does not want to stay overnight?
As much as a positive influence grandparents may be, the stability and security of a parental home cannot be replaced.
Your finace has a home, his home is with you and your children. By taking his children to his parents for the overnight stays he sends a signal that either there is something "wrong" with his home situation, or they are not really a part of it. The 6 yo is not old enough to understand but still he is asked whether or not he wants to stay over at his father''s house. The question in itself creates an issue. Not the fact that he has to choose but the fact that by giving him the option it creates in his mind the possibility that it might not be suitable, so he says no. Do we ask our 6yo whether or not they want to go to school? It is not the obligation that we are addressing by not giving them the choice but our knowledge and conviction that school is something positive that will greatly benefit them in life. Why is staying over night at their father not been seen as such?
And why has a two (or is it three) year old Court Order not been re-evaluated to suit the needs of children that have grown up?
I am totally with Fiona on this one (surprisingly enough ) and although it might be terrifying to your partner the possibility of going through this again, it might give an explanation as to why the daughter is refusing overnight stays and what can be done about it.
Best of luck to all of you.