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  • Chezziebell
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06 Sep 12 #354137 by Chezziebell
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Could do with some advice please.

My ex and I split up nearly 4 years ago, we have both moved on and have new partners and he is getting married next year.

I have a residence order and a prohibited steps order for our child. The reason is complicated but very briefly he has refused to return her from contact before and when we were splitting up dragged her from her bed in the middle of the night and drove off with her. He also has a conviction for battery (against me).

I would like us to try and get a long as much as we can and try to be flexible regarding contact. We have devised a schedule between us and he has her now every other weekend and half the holidays. If there is ever an issue in that one of us has to work late or can''t pick our daughter up, the other usually (with consideration) would be flexible enough to cover.

There have been 2 occasions this year when I have asked him to swap a weekend and we have agreed time in lieu. Once was for a grandparents milestone birthday. The other was for a family holiday. Likewise, he has also asked me to swap dates to suit him.

We have been invited to join family at Centerparcs next weekend. I approached him and asked him to swap his weekend as it fell on it. I offered any weekend of ''mine'' of his choice before Christmas. He has refused and said no point blank. His reason is because he wants our daughter to attend a bridesmaid dress fitting for her cousins dresses (she has already picked her dress and had it fitted) for a wedding that is not taking place for 9 months. Apparently this is unmoveable. He also says it''s his birthday that weekend, but it''s not it''s more than 2 weeks later.

Last night he showed up at my house to drop our daughter off and started a row on the doorstep. Our daughter was getting upset and I asked him to leave 3 times. He had his foot on the front door so I could not shut it and was berating me. Eventually, he got hold of our daughter who was crying on his shoulder and I had to ask him to put her down and leave. I said I think he was being unfair and that the holiday would benefit our daughter and that she wanted to go. It''s fair to say he was fuming and as he left waved a tape recorder or something at me and said he had been recording the conversation.

I am staggered and am wondering what to do next. Am I being unreasonable? I cannot understand what he was thinking. Any trust has now totally gone with the waving of the recorder.

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06 Sep 12 #354141 by ffc1991
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If the version of events went down like you said then the recording will not do him any favors. If you asked him to leave and he was refusing and making your daughter upset how is that going to be beneficial in any way to him? Sounds like a complete and utter prat to me. If you didn''t do anything wrong then dont worry about that it will just make him look bad not yourself.

I personally don''t think your being unreasonable tbh I would say he is. If she''s already had her dress fitted and the wedding is 9 months away then there is plenty of opportunity to do what has to be done in the future. As for him saying his birthday is ona day that it isn''t well that''s just strange and slightly bizarre.

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06 Sep 12 #354146 by Chezziebell
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Thanks. The birthday thing is an excuse. He is saying that is the day he is choosing to celebrate it but when I initially asked him about this a couple of weeks ago he never mentioned any issue about the ''birthday''. Is it legal to record conversations like that? I feel tricked.

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06 Sep 12 #354147 by ffc1991
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It''s not illegal really. When I start doing handovers outside of the contact center with my EX partner I shall be doing the same. It''s because alot of times EX''s wether female or male accuse eachother of all sorts at handovers like threatening behaviour etc. It''s just to cover your own back really if you feel that false accusations could be made. However if he was the 1 convicted of battery and clearly the aggresive party refusing to leave etc the recordings wont do him any justice and certainly no favors. For him to wave it in your face just seems to be a scaring tactic don''t worry about it.

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06 Sep 12 #354153 by Chezziebell
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It seems OTT to try to get a specific issue for a weekend away and a waste of courts time over something that could be agreed with some common sense, although appreciate this is my opinion and not his pov! It looks like we won''t be able to go.

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06 Sep 12 #354160 by ffc1991
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I''d agree with you personally. I think if you had agreed witht he holiday in prinicpal in the past and paid for it then it would be another issue. But as it is his weekend and hasn''t been agreed not really a lot you can do. He''s being incredibly unreasonable but suppose that''s just the way some people are.

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06 Sep 12 #354161 by maisymoos
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I have agreed once to swap contact days with my ex, and to be honest it resulted in endless problems, I also know he wouldn''t do the same for me:( . I now take the view that it is my responsibility to make sure I only plan things in my time.

It is however good that you and your ex have been able to be flexible in the past, but I suppose recent events show sometimes moving from what is agreed can cause alot of upset, personally Im just not sure its worth it.:dry:

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