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Being unreasonable to not let child miss school?

  • Jenna29
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06 Sep 12 #354319 by Jenna29
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My daughters father has a long weekend booked later this month and wants her to miss the Monday at school. I have a long weekend booked too, for her birthday, but will not be staying for the Monday as I don''t think she should miss school, particularly as she has just started. He has got a form to request the day off from school but it is my contact time and I really don''t agree with it, nor does my daughter think it''s fair that she can''t stay away longer for her birthday but can when it suits her father. Should I put my foot down and say no or let her have the day off if the school agree?
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  • Elphie
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06 Sep 12 #354320 by Elphie
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Hi I think I remember your post from before, I think you were intending to let the school decide then? Have you asked the school what their policy is on school holidays during term time? Tbh, I thought it was a fair way of deciding what to do, when you and your ex disagreed on something - let the school decide if it is appropriate for your daughter to miss school or not. Surely, it is the school who know better than anyone on here whether a day of school missed is too detrimental to her education or not?

I''m guessing, your daughter is more than happy to miss a day of school in order to spend longer with her father on a mini holiday. When she says it''s unfair, she means she doesn''t see why she can''t stay away for longer for her birthday too. So, your decision would be, do you stick to your principles or do you again let the school decide whether it is permissible for your daughter to miss another day of school when it comes to her birthday?

If you were going to object, then it should more be on the grounds of his contact continuing into your contact time. But I was under the impression you had already said he could do this if the school agreed it?
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  • jslgb
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06 Sep 12 #354321 by jslgb
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I personally wouldnt feel comfortable with my daughter missing a day of school and would avoid arranging something myself that would require her to, and would expect my stbxh to do the same. Regardless of whether the school gives permission or not i wouldnt agree. I know one day isnt very long in the grand scheme of things but having followed some of your previous posts your daughter may find the change to her routine upsetting and as she has only just started school the disruption may cause wider problems.
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  • eyes on horizon
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06 Sep 12 #354322 by eyes on horizon
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Depends. The first port of call is if the school agrees. I for one am not against missing school for holidays provided its not during key times ie gcse prep or exams. If the school is ok with it then I guess it''s up to u to make that call if it''s in ur contact time. I also know if it involves flights it can mean the difference in hundreds of pounds and if it''s going somewhere she will benefit from then I dont see the issue, PROVIDED the school consents. I am not one for unauthorised absences.
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  • Jenna29
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06 Sep 12 #354324 by Jenna29
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Elphie - no, she isn''t happy to miss school. She doesn''t want to go on the trip at all and certainly doesn''t want to miss school as she thinks it''s more important. I''d already explained that we can''t stay an extra day for her birthday because of school and she thinks the same rule should apply for her father. The school are very much against missing school but they are unaware that we are seperated - when he returns the form they''ll assume it''s a joint request.

jslgb - I have said to my ex that it would be disruptive to our daughter, he (of course!) disagrees.

eyesonhorizon - The shorter trip wouldn''t cost him anything.
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  • rubytuesday
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07 Sep 12 #354345 by rubytuesday
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I think you need to make the school aware that you are separated, and that should there be a request from your ex, then it is not a joint one, and one you don''t agree to.
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  • strongerthanithought
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07 Sep 12 #354398 by strongerthanithought
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I agree with RubyTuesday.

Days off school aside, you need to inform the school TODAY that you are separated/divorcing/divorced. There are many on here who will testify that kids deal with these things differently, and if teachers and staff have a better of understanding of what''s going on at home then you can ALL have a better relationship. I mean you as parents with the school, not necessarily with each other.

At my kids'' (primary) school, they have a strict policy of no holidays in September AT ALL, and its an interview with the head for any other time off, with a damned good reason required too for the rest of the year. If you do take the additional day anyway, you are marked down as unathorised absence and it goes on the school record. You need to tell them that you are not happy about days off during term time and that you do not consent to this extra day.

The fact that its in your contact time is irrelevant as the school should not be endorsing days off willy nilly for no good reason. (If it was an extra day at the start/end of half term say, for flights etc then maybe ok, but not just an odd day!)

Just my thoughts, but I''d let the school know the situation at home asap anyway.
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