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Example of a good residency plan.

  • Red_Cat
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09 Sep 12 #354770 by Red_Cat
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Hi folks,

Between Nici and Absolute and about to get a second home. Two children aged 16 and 11, both intelligent and coping well. I have an idea for a plan for residence, tell me what you think.

Mum has children from Sat 5pm to Wed 3pm.
Dad has children from Wed 3pm to Sat 5pm.

Children therefore don''t have to ''choose'' who to live with therefore no split loyalties, Mum and Dad have equal care etc, sharing homework etc, and actually have planned time for themselves for social, work, and study.

I found this on the web and it suits families in an amicable''ish divorce/separation who live close by. My children love the idea, the 11 yr old has always said ''I want to live with Mum and Dad 50/50, like, week on and week off'', so he is happy, and the 16 yr old is going to ''vote with his feet''.

If we do this nicely, the kids will really benefit, and we will too, right? Thoughts?

Thanks :-)

  • hur
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09 Sep 12 #354778 by hur
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going thru a similar thing (children are a bit younger)

could be unsettling/no fixed abode
financially more expensive - will you need 2 sets school uniform Etc

you could trial it - but this might delay absolute

sorry to be such a downer :(my stbx wanted alternate weeks, but my solicitor advised against it.

But everyone has different circumstances
good luck

  • Yummy_Mummy
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09 Sep 12 #354781 by Yummy_Mummy
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Sounds good if you think you both can keep it up, remain amicable and focused. It covers the weekend as you both get some time together with the children.

You would need to decide about holidays, half terms and obviously belongings.
Do a trial run and see how it goes.

Good Luck.

  • sexysadie
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09 Sep 12 #354783 by sexysadie
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That can work if you live reasonably close and the children like the idea. The sixteen year old might want a more constant base, though. It might also be a lot clearer if you have alternate weeks rather than a midweek changeover, unless your work patterns make the other arrangement more feasible.

To work well you have to both be committed to it and committed to working together and being amicable about things. You have to be able to divide up things like child benefit and working tax credit without acrimony. Some former couples officially have a child each for benefit purposes, others make the poorer parent the official parent with care to make incomes more equal. If you do this, then officially the other parent will have to pay child support - again, if that means that income in the households is more equal, that can be a good thing.

You also need to think about how this will work for Christmas, holidays, birthdays, etc. The two families I know who do this keep up a strict week about arrangement all year, so Christmas or a child''s birthday doesn''t fall on your week, then you celebrate another day. They do a certain amount of negotiation around holidays but, again, they mainly stick to the week about arrangement.

Best wishes,
Sadie

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09 Sep 12 #354793 by Joe2020
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Its fine if mum doesnt care about never having a free Sat night or Sunday.

On the other hand you will never get a Sunday either.

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09 Sep 12 #354844 by Red_Cat
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Thanks everyone :-)

I think we can do it. I''m mindful that it''s all about what''s in ''the best interests of the children'' and not about us.

We have already agreed that on odd days we can compromise and the children can sleep over etc.

We will live close by, a one minute walk around two corners in a different road - out of sight etc but close enough for the children to pop in and out but know they must sleep here or there routinely.

I hope mediation will suggest that it''s a starting point, and if the children are happy that''s got to be worth trying to do.

Fingers and everything crossed!

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