A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

reasonable excuse to stop contact

  • sleepybird
  • sleepybird's Avatar Posted by
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
09 Sep 12 #354848 by sleepybird
Topic started by sleepybird
My partner went to collect his son this weekend as per contact order.
Son was crying saying he doesn''t want to go and ex''s response was if he doesn''t want to go she won''t force him.

son is always happy with us and enjoys himself yet ex insists on letting 4 year old son decide everything regarding contact.

should he apply for an enforcement or would this be deemed as a reasonable excuse to stop contact?

There are no safety or welfare issues and no CAFCASS involvement.

Son cried once before after a 3 week gap as ex changed dates around and has now had a 3 wk break in contact again as ex took him away and wouldn''t make the time up.

Just have a feeling if he let''s it go it will happen again next time and he won''t have seen son for 6 wks by then.

Any advice appreciated

Thanks

  • disneybunny
  • disneybunny's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
09 Sep 12 #354853 by disneybunny
Reply from disneybunny
Yeah sure go for enforcement upset the mother and drag a screaming child from its home. After all you have rights

  • JamesLondon
  • JamesLondon's Avatar
  • User is blocked
  • User is blocked
More
09 Sep 12 #354854 by JamesLondon
Reply from JamesLondon
If you let the contact blockers get away with parental alienation then you are an accomplice to child abuse.

  • sleepybird
  • sleepybird's Avatar Posted by
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
09 Sep 12 #354856 by sleepybird
Reply from sleepybird
Disney bunnie
There''s a lot to this story, too much to post. Partner stayed with his son for an hour and son would say ok then I want to go with daddy, his ex Would then ask if hes sure to which he would change his mind again and say no he doesn''t want to. Son loves being with us and very often says he doesn''t want to go home, doesn''t mean my partner doesn''t return him as normal though.
Ex has and will use every excuse possible to stop contact and has even turned up at 1am one weekend demanding to take her son, we had to call the police.
My partner would have loved not to have taken her to court but she wouldn''t budge on contact and he would be letting his son down if he didn''t fight to see him. Every child has the right to a relationship with both parents.
My previous post ''advice on enforcement order'' has more info.

James london
I totally agree. Good point.

  • zonked
  • zonked's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
09 Sep 12 #354858 by zonked
Reply from zonked
sleepyb.

In your ptr''s shoes I would contact the ex beforehand and make clear my intention to collect myn son. In doing so...

do''s = focus on child welfare issues, the longer no contact occurs the harder it will be for the child in the long run. Mention handovers at contact centres and a wish to avoid them. Empathise with the ex and say that you understand how she must feel, not easy for anyone, appreciating her point of view.

don''ts = mention my own hurt feelings or sense of loss. Give an impression that i was ready to walk away or accept the status qou. Blame the ex or specualte about her bad parenting.

The aim is to reduce the ex''s opposition, and, to let her know that continuing this course of action will cause her more hassle in the long term. All this comunicated without stoking up her anger. Not an easy phone call.

Come contact day...I would walk in, pick up my son, strap him in the car and drive. There will be yelling, tears and tantrums. But by the time he gets home he will be fine.

The alternative courses of action are much bleaker.

  • zonked
  • zonked's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
09 Sep 12 #354859 by zonked
Reply from zonked
disneybunny wrote:

Yeah sure go for enforcement upset the mother and drag a screaming child from its home. After all you have rights


Sadly your children are fatherless, but it''s wrong to foster that on others.

  • anna200
  • anna200's Avatar
  • Senior Member
  • Senior Member
More
09 Sep 12 #354861 by anna200
Reply from anna200
on the face of it it appears the ex is still very angry and is using the child contact as a means of punishment.... also asking son to call new partner daddy so soon is also a bit odd....as the new partner I''d want to know why ? if your satisfied this is just spite then even with a court order she is still likely to manipulate the child and cause upset so you just can''t win if childs stability is prime concern. and if he is a loving dad he won''t want to take son if he is refusing and upset...... Is there no way for dad to resolve issues with mum (apologise?, if someone was preventing me from seeing my kids i''d be happy to say whatever they needed to hear even if it wasn''t true) and help her to understand that it is in sons best interest to maintain regular contact ???..if not just stay calm and just keep turning up on contact days and not causing a fuss if she is messing about ... less said the better and hopefully eventually she will see her behaviour is not achieving anything ..... currently she is being rewarded by knowing that she is winding you up (some people are like that) so the more calm and reasonable dad is the more likely she is to give up using son .... although it is appropriate for you to support your partner i don''t think it is a good idea you getting directly involved, probably antagonise her especially if you related to break up..mum and dad need to sort this out

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11