A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Arranging someone to collect on my contact day

  • simonstone1970
  • simonstone1970's Avatar Posted by
  • Senior Member
  • Senior Member
10 Sep 12 #355048 by simonstone1970
Topic started by simonstone1970
I am just looking for a bit of advice please.

I have a contact order in place and I am lucky enough to have my own business which allows me to collect the children from school so I can play a part in their schooling.

However there are the odd ocassions where I have to work late and make alternative arrangements for collection of my children, but this is few and far between, probably four times in three years.

This is normally a member of my family, rather than my partner as I try to avoid any voitile situations.

I am due to collect my children on thursday, but had an important seminar to attend so tried at first to arrange swapping my contact day with my ex, which she was not agreeable with. Unfortunately on this ocassion no one in my family could pick them up, so I informed my ex that my partner would be collecting the children. My partner has lived with me for 3 years and is a regualr part of the children lives and she cares for them whilst they are with me.

Anyway long story cut short after various e-mails to and from her solictor, it was told to me that if my partner attempted to collect the children that the children would not be released to her!

So rather than get dragged into a massive war of words my sister managed to swap some things around and she is now collecting them

What I would like to know is where do I stand legally on this. I have a contact order in place and this is my contact day? so if needed can I make arrangements like this, or do I have to get my ex''s agreement to this?

I am due back in court in the next month and will request from the judge that my partner is on the court order as allowed to collect the children as sometime work commitments dictate and I cannot alway rely on my family as they live over 40 miles away from me and my children.

Any advice would be greatly appriciated.

  • zonked
  • zonked's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
10 Sep 12 #355053 by zonked
Reply from zonked
Legally, I think it depends on the wording on the contact order.

Perhaps explain to the judge that their have been some problems around handovers...you want to avoid future conflict by removing any ambiguity...you ask the wording of the order is changed so that it is clear that you, your ptr and family members are able to collect your dtr in the future.

To me that sounds reasonable, but im not your judge. The other side of the coin is that by asking this its going to wind up the ex and it may be felt that as imperfect as things currently are, its better not to rock the boat further.

  • simonstone1970
  • simonstone1970's Avatar Posted by
  • Senior Member
  • Senior Member
10 Sep 12 #355061 by simonstone1970
Reply from simonstone1970
The boat cannot be rocked anymore lol! Everything is problematic.

I have always tried and always would try to avoid sending my partner to collect my children, but sometimes these situations cannot be avoided and on this ocassion I done all I could to try to change things with her. The ironic thing is I don''t even collect the children from my ex''s house as she works, I collect them from their grandparents house.

Thanks for your reply.

  • jslgb
  • jslgb's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
10 Sep 12 #355066 by jslgb
Reply from jslgb
I can totally understand what a difficult situation this may be and have experience of being both the partner and the ex wife!

I was in my stepdaughters life for 7 years as her dads partner. In that time i collected my step daughter for contact a total of 3 times. One of those times was arranged between her dad and her mums boyfriend, and her mum was less than impressed!! I have never collected her from school, and to be honest i wouldnt have wanted to!!

As the ex wife, i wouldnt want my stbxh''s girlfriend picking my daughter up from school either. I cant quite put my finger on why, and this could be down the the situation i find myself in! Essentially, if my daughter isnt with her father for contact, i would rather she stayed with me until he was available, but that could just be me!!

I wouldnt really know how to handle the situation but i do think it would be worth treading carefully. Is there any reason why your ex wife feels any animosity towards your partner? If you were to escalate this to the courts you may find that she will ever become accepting of your partners position in your childrens lives and could lead to further problems down the line. Also, i wouldnt know how successful it would be in court. My personal opinion would be that court orders are for biological families. You obviously see the longevity in your relationship but outsiders might not and could obviously impact the outcome.

Have you though of alternatives such as after school clubs or activities? Do you have any close links with other parents who could perhaps collect the children and keep them for tea and you return the favour when necessary?

  • Chained
  • Chained's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
10 Sep 12 #355072 by Chained
Reply from Chained
Correct me if I am wrong but if you share PR, then you can decide who picks up the child on your contact day, you just have to inform the school and put your partner on the list. Some schools might require that you call them to say that the children will be picked up from this person today.

As I said, I might be wrong.

Now, as for your the reasons she doesn''t want your partner to be involved with your daughter, the only valid one would be abuse. Everything else is just bruised ego and jealousy. She cannot tell you who your child will see or be with when she is with you, unless as I said, there is abuse involved or other serious factors (drugs, alcoholism etc). If none of these apply then she just has to grow up.

  • sexysadie
  • sexysadie's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
10 Sep 12 #355097 by sexysadie
Reply from sexysadie
I don''t often agree with Chained, but in this case she is right. Your ex can''t dictate to you who picks up your daughter from school on contact days. You might have to inform the school so that they release her to your partner, though.

best wishes,

  • Felixstowe
  • Felixstowe's Avatar
  • Senior Member
  • Senior Member
10 Sep 12 #355105 by Felixstowe
Reply from Felixstowe
The problem here seems to be that the child inst collected from school but from the grandparents.

My ex has been with his partner for about the same length of time but I wouldn''t release my children into her care. I have a couple of reasons for that

I don''t know her, my children when they are in my care are my responsibility, when my children go to a sleep over/play date etc I make sure and insist that I meet the parents who I am handing my kids over to. Without that meeting taking place the play date doesn''t happen, just because my ex goes out with this person (who my kids love by the way) doesn''t mean I''m going to relax my parenting rules for convenience. In the 3 years they have been going out she hasn''t said a word to me in fact she sits in the car when he drops them off and refuses to even look at me. Recently my oldest turned 13 and had a big party which she came to, I tried to be polite and involve her in a conversation I was having with the ex but she was like a scared rabbit in the corner and just clung to him, so I can easily say no animosity on my part.

The other reason is that contact is with their dad not his girlfriend.

In my case though I would accommodate a change of contact days so you could collect children to avoid this hassle.


Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11

The modern, convenient and affordable way to divorce.

No-Fault Divorce £179

We provide the UK's lowest cost no-fault divorce service, managed by a well respected firm of solicitors. 

Online Mediation £250

Online mediation is a convenient and inexpensive way to agree on a fair financial settlement.

Consent Order £259

This legally binding agreement defines how assets (e.g. properties and pensions) are to be divided.

Court Support £250

Support for people who have to go to court to get a fair divorce financial settlement without a solicitor.