NRP disrupting child at school

Our daughter has just started school and has settled very well. Her father has alternate weekend contact only, by his choice. On her first day at school I''d asked if he wanted to come with me to take her, he said no. However on the day he did turn up, leaving our daughter confused and upset as she didn''t know he''d be there. His next scheduled contact is next weekend but he text me earlier to say he''d be there at the end of school today ''to say hello" which again will disrupt and upset her, as well as disrupting our plans to go away for the weekend straight from school. Is there anything I can do to prevent instances like this? To be clear, I would/have offered extra contact but it needs to be pre-arranged so our daughter knows where she stands.

NRP is showing an interest in his daughter and her schooling. How can this be anything but beneficial?

Why would your daughter be upset because her dad turned up. My two grandchildren are always delighted to see their dad, whatever the circumstances.

Hi Jenna,

Given your daughter''s ongoing anxieties I can see why you are worried about this. I don''t think there is much you can do about it, however, and if you don''t show any anxiety about it yourself then your daughter will probably find it easier and your ex will probably lose interest.

If you are due to go away straight from school today then it would probably be courteous to text him to say that he won''t be able to see her for long as you are due to leave, and then do leave firmly after about 20 minutes. That shouldn''t disrupt things too much.

Best wishes,
Sadie

Chained - I recall one occasion when my eldest grandson phoned and asked his dad to pick him up from the station and drop him off at school.

World war 111 nearly broke out as it was outside his shared residence time. My ex. dil told my grandson that ''it was very very wrong to phone his dad and ask for a lift''.

You are not the only one to despair!

Stepper - the sad thing is that they really believe they are right, that the children do not suffer from this and that ultimately it is the OTHER parent that is to blame for everything, even world hunger!

I remeber when I first moved out, my ex would pretend to just be driving by our son''s day care when it was time for me to take him home and would offer us a lift... Even after two years I still find this the saddest thing ever and it still makes me cry... The thought of refusing him this little contact with his son because it was not his contact time is to me, unthinkable...

Jenna,

First of all i would ignore those replies from people who obviously havent read previous posts of yours and understand the complexities you experience with your daughter and the separate issues you face with your ex. They seem to have their own experiences that revolve around separate issues and cant seem to take on board that for some of us it is the ex partners who cause issues and us as the RP''s are doing out best t try and minimise the fallout.

I think its a positive thing that her father wants to incorporate himself in your daughters school life, but i think his involvement needs to be better organised. I think you need to speak to him about his involvement and the importance to your daughter that arrangements are made in advance. Tell him you welcome his input and involvement but you need at least 24 hours notice to put his plans into action, or to let him know of any prior arrangements. This should be expected in any normal situation but given that your daughter struggles with anxieties its the least he can do.