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NRP disrupting child at school

  • khan72
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14 Sep 12 #355918 by khan72
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Before my daughter moved. I used to park away from the flat and watch her playing on the balcony. It was not my time. I was not stalikng the ex. No one saw me. Its the first time I am admitting this. But us men do some non-conventional stuff just to see our kids. I used to sit there watching her playing.
Naturally if she was not there I would stay away. :)

  • stepper
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14 Sep 12 #355922 by stepper
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Never underestimate the love of a committed father.

  • zonked
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14 Sep 12 #355965 by zonked
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Jenna29 wrote:

Our daughter has just started school and has settled very well. Her father has alternate weekend contact only, by his choice. On her first day at school I''d asked if he wanted to come with me to take her, he said no. However on the day he did turn up, leaving our daughter confused and upset as she didn''t know he''d be there. His next scheduled contact is next weekend but he text me earlier to say he''d be there at the end of school today ''to say hello" which again will disrupt and upset her, as well as disrupting our plans to go away for the weekend straight from school. Is there anything I can do to prevent instances like this? To be clear, I would/have offered extra contact but it needs to be pre-arranged so our daughter knows where she stands.

Three explanations seem possible:

- he is indeed disrupting his child''s education, deliberately out of malice.

- he is unintenionally causing disruption, he loves the kid but is misguided.

- he is in fact causing no harm at all, his ex see''s problems that are not there.

What you do depends on what option you go with;

- court order
- discussion/mediation
- parenting classes?

  • sexysadie
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14 Sep 12 #355973 by sexysadie
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If he is now available at the end of the school day it might be worth suggesting that on his weekends he starts contact by picking her up from school. That way he would get a natural involvement with the school, would get to know her teacher, and it would become part of your daughter''s routine.

I agree with jslgb that you should ignore the comments of those people who don''t know your story, or your daughter''s. They really aren''t helpful.

Best wishes,

  • Jenna29
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16 Sep 12 #356181 by Jenna29
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For those saying ''he loves her so much, he''s just desperate to see here''s - if he''d arranged it, he could''ve picked her up from school and had a few hour contact. He knows this, but chose not to. That, coupled with the fact he''s told our daughter he''ll secretly collect her from school without me knowing, makes me think it is done out of malice. Sadie I have offered that he collect her from school but he insists he must drive 30 miles home to collect his girlfriend and her brother, then drive the 30 miles back to collect our daughter ''as a family.''zonked - you say a solution would be a court order and indeed after speaking through my daughters concerns with her teacher, she''s said the only way they won''t release her to him is if they have a copy of a court order specifying when his contact is. However I cannot seek a contact order, so what can I do?

  • MrsMathsisfun
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17 Sep 12 #356411 by MrsMathsisfun
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If he is doing this out of malice and to upset you and your daughter its working.

maybe the best way to deal with it is to ''''pretend'''' to glad to see him, ''''oh look .... daddy is here, is that nice.'''' By reacting negatively your daughter will pick up on your vibes and be scared of daddy.

At the end of the day you want your daughter to having a loving relationship with her dad and the best role model she has is you. If she see her mum ''''smiling and relaxed with daddy,'''' then she will be.

I know its hard. I was in your position 10 years ago. My ex was violent. I hated taking my daughter to see her dad.It would have been so much easier just to get on without him. He played games too, I learnt not to join in. He wanted extra time, holidays etc. I would always say yes, no problem, because when I didnt object or give him the reaction he wanted, he soon started being reasonable and the contact settled into a workable pattern.

My daughter has benefited from having a real image of what her dad is like. Worts and all. I am sure she wouldnt be the rounded individual she is now if she hadnt have had a good relationship with both parents

  • jslgb
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17 Sep 12 #356413 by jslgb
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Hey Jenna,

Why cant you seek a court order?

I had a similar conversation with my daughters teacher soon after the separation and when threats were flying. She passed me on to the head and like yours, i was told that they wouldnt be able to stop stbxh collecting our daughter as he has PR. They did however agree to contact me straight away if he was to turn up, and i now make sure that if anyone else is collecting our daughter from school i let them know in advance so they know who to expect. Is this something you could do?

I appreciate the kill them with kindness type approach and can see it works well, but from what you have said about your ex in the past i would worry he may continue to take advantage.

Do you think he will continue to pop up at school unannounced or do you think it was just because it was the beginning of the school year?

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