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  • ffc1991
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16 Sep 12 #356156 by ffc1991
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I had my first contact ithout the use of the contact center yesterday. Took my daughter swimming which went really well she''s now standing unaided at just under 1 so great to see :).

Anyways in the order it states we do handovers at a a supermarket a few miles away. I''m taking my daughter to a play center next time and my EX partner suggested we just met there and my daughter picked up from there also.

Now for me this perosnally is fine and good tbf as it cuts 25mins sill travelling in just 2 hours contact time.

But is it a good idea to vear of the contact order? Will this go against me in any way?

For me it''s a good sign that my EX is happy to meet at a location to make it easier and even suggested it.

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16 Sep 12 #356160 by rubytuesday
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Do you have the suggestion of meeting in a different location in writing?

If not, I would be inclined to stick to the terms of the CO, for the time being at least, just to allow things to settle. I would explain that you would prefer to stick to the terms of the CO so that neither of you risk a potential breach of it. Suggest that if she still agrees to a different handover point in a few weeks, then it shouldn''t be a problem (make sure you have the suggestion in writing first before making arrangements to change the hand-over point).

While I agree it''s a good sign that she has suggested a more convenient location, I would be wary of her reasons for doing so. You have only just had your first unsupervised contact with your daughter. There is little point in having endured the court process and having a defined contact order, which includes a specific handover point if you are both going to ignore the terms of the CO.

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16 Sep 12 #356169 by ffc1991
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Hi Ruby

She has write it into an email confirming it yes. As i was weary of just doing it via word of mouth.

She only suggested it really as I asked what was the nearest play center to where the pick up and drop off point is. To cut down travelling. This is when she said she didn''t mind meeting and picking up from the play center that I wanted to go to.

The contact order is only an interim also, my sister also does supervision atm outside of the center. Due back in court in Dec for a review of how contact has been going.

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16 Sep 12 #356170 by Forseti
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Rubytuesday is absolutely correct; the review will test how well the order has worked and whether both parties have followed it. You need to stick to it to the letter.

If you are communicating and being reasonable that is another feather in your cap and will benefit you in the long run, but for now the last thing you should do is stray from the order.

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16 Sep 12 #356176 by ffc1991
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Thanks guys i''m just a little unsure what to do now regarding the next visit as when it was suggested I said yes as obviously it means better quality time wiht my daughter and confirmed it in an email. It was only this morning I thought hmmm maybe this wont be good for the order kindaa thing.

Should I cancel the pre-arrangements? just cause were getting on kinda umming and ahhing about wether to do it this once and then just stick tot he order. I dunno :/

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16 Sep 12 #356178 by pixy
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Why not put it in writing now? Further to our conversation ... blah blah, at your suggestion I will pick up x at y instead of at z as specified in the contact order.

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16 Sep 12 #356179 by ffc1991
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Because I feel it will just rock the boat or something. I dunno just being silly I suppose, but I truely think my EX suggested this to try be helpful and move on from all the crap. We''ve been speaking alot more via email she''s sending me some photos etc and just feel if I go back on something weve agreed i''m just doing what I moan at her for doing all the time. half the time we agree soemthing sheel email me back the next day and go back on it.

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