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no flexibility after court order

  • Mark1234567
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19 Sep 12 #356726 by Mark1234567
Topic started by Mark1234567

Im divorced, i live with my gf and i have 2 children (4 and 9) who live with their mother.

Ive done the usual court application and i have my time (every other weekend , part of the school hols, part of christmas etc etc)

Now the court order i have is set out so i can call on this day at this day only, i know all my dates i will see them, who drops off, who picks up, where they are for birthdays etc. Im fairly happy with this.

What im not happy about is ANYTHING other than whats in that court order i always receive a resounding NO. if i try to call at a different time, the phone is off. If i ask to pick them up at a different time i get a NO, if i post anything to them my mail is intercepted and i know for a fact they dont get it as i ask them.

All the NO responses come from my ex wifes boyfriend and its starting to get the better of me. in other words "how dare he"

Any advice greatly appreciated - tia

  • pgs1975
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19 Sep 12 #356728 by pgs1975
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I am in the same position and had a statement written into the order that any other agreement as the parties reach in writing, but every single request is a resounding no.

I understand the courts cannot order flexibility so what I haev done is requested an increase in access as I understand the children are missing out on valuable time with their father (me).

Of course I have gone through verbal, mediation, sol corresspondance and now at court.

Danger is you get what I got and she is now trying to reduce the access and residence status with false accusations .

Have you tried mediation, writing talking about it at all , has she given any reasons why ?

  • rubytuesday
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19 Sep 12 #356729 by rubytuesday
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Is there a clause in your order that states that additional contact can be arranged, as agreed by the parties? If so, keep a diary of every-time you try to broach the subject of additional contact, as the outcome of requests.

If not, still keep a diary of events and incidences, and stick to the terms of the Order, don''t miss phone calls at the agreed time and then try to call at a different time , for example.

Why is the bf communicating with you about your children? And in what form does he communicates with you?

I can understand that this is incredibly frustrating for you :(

  • mbird
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19 Sep 12 #356730 by mbird
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Reading between the lines, there seems to be a conflict with what you WANT and what you have GOT. With court orders you do tend to be ''straight jacketed'' with times dates etc. the mere fact that you have had to go down this route is usually indicative that the parents can''t agree and have ended up in the courtroom.
It is good in the sense that everybody knows where they are regarding seeing the children,planning holidays,trips etc and provides a sense of stability and routine for the children, and considering their ages this is important. However it is difficult with regards to flexibility, you may find that in time she will relent once the order has bedded in and she requires the flexibility?
If you find this is not working then maybe you could put an application into the court for a variation (C2 I think). Although I am not sure there would be the justification there.
It must be tough when you feel that this other man is instrumental in you not being able to vary order, but at the end of the day I would suggest you just try and enjoy the time that you do see the children and try and make the most of it.
A bit of advice, don''t let them see it bothers you, and treat it all with a smile, even if inside you are seething, don''t let them see it is getting to you or they will just latch on to this and do it all the more.
Good luck.

  • Mark1234567
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19 Sep 12 #356732 by Mark1234567
Reply from Mark1234567
thanks for the replies. he communicates with me because she tells him to (and she hates me). tbh i dont even know if my requests get as far as her, he seems to have taken ''the burden of the childresns dad'' onboard.
They dont have to be flexible.... i know this. They can meet anything that i ask with a NO and know i cant do 1 thing about it. i do keep a diary also.

What i havent done yet is confront him about it, ive only spoken to him once. but i know what he will say "its not in the court order"

  • Chained
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19 Sep 12 #356756 by Chained
Reply from Chained
It''s not his children, it''s not his business.
Is he mentioned in the order? No. There is a reason for this.

Stop talking to him and tell him to back off.
Find someone else to mediate between you and your ex. He is the MOST inappropriate person to negotiate with you about anything regarding your children and that on many levels.

On the other hand, if the contact order has run its course over a couple pf years, why not go back to change it a bit so that you get more flexibility?

  • Mark100
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19 Sep 12 #356819 by Mark100
Reply from Mark100

If you read my posts it''s the same old thing for me. I am going back to court asking them to re-look at her position of having Residency as she does nto act in their best interests and uses the order to bully me.

I will let you know how I get on.

Thanks from Mark

(Mine has said yes once or twice and then at the last miinute I usually get a text to say, ''actually...No....just stick to the court order thanks''.

Taking all of her anger out on the children as far as I can make it out!

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