About two years ago, I won a Shared Residence Order, and part of this was a statement that both parties shall use their best endeavours to communicate and consult with each other. Under this order, I am using my best endeavours to communicate and consult, but my ex-wife does not, and acting unilaterally in my daughter''s life. She is justifying this, saying that I am harassing her. I have asked my solicitor to intervene, and hopefully so we can go to a mediation session, but the last time I tried this, she refused to attend: what can I do?
If she is saying that you are harassing her, one thing to consier is howyou are communicating and consulting - have you sked her how she would prefer this to happen?
I''m not saying that you are harassing her, but different people can have very different perceptions, and sometimes something as simple as agreeing to communicate by letter or emial instead of phone/text can help, or agreeing to limit the number of times you contact her.
One of the big difficulties with this kind of situation is that the court can''t ''micro-manage'' your ongong relationship as parents. mediation can be helpful. If there are specific issues, such as which school your daughter attends, then ultimately you can ask the court to decide on that issue, but if it is more of a difference of attitude / approach then it is very hard to chagne / enforce that.
Are you able to be more specific about the problems? What kind of actions s you ex taking, unilaterally? There is a big difference between her taing actions which you may not agree with but which primarily affect the way she looks after your daughter when she is with her, and her taking actions (such as changing your daughter''s achool) which impact on you and the time your daughter has with you, as well.
The other thing I would say is pick your battles. While it is hugely frustrating and unfair for one person''s unreasonable behaviour to be allowed to continue, sometimes putting up with it, and focussing on the positive relationship you have with your children, is more rewarding, not least because it signifiantly reduces the level of stress and conflict which your daughter is exposed to. How old is your daughter? Are your ex''s unilateral acts damaging or "only" self-centred?