Well this might not be the right answer but shared parenting has not worked for me and my ex.
I parent two children and my ex parents one child.
The youngest never wants to see me and the oldest never wants to see his Dad.
The middle one has contact as she wants with her Dad and his new wife.
I think that what should be considered is what is important for each individual child. My youngest has expressed the view that he wants nothing to do with me, I do see him on the streets and have told him that I realise this and accept his view.
I have encouraged our middle child to be herself, and with an occasional hickup from me that seems to be progressing well.
My oldest needs very careful protection both emotionally and physically from his Dad. So it is important sometimes to realise that shared parenting is not a good thing for the emotional and phyical welbeing of your child.
When considering shared or single parenting the most important thing to work out is the needs of the child not the needs or desires of the parents involved.
Not done it but I would say communication, flexibility and a lot of hard work. Not sweating the small stuff. You don''t need to be great friend with the ex but a good workable relationship when it comes to talking to each other. Reasonably similar rules and standards.
Communication and understanding would be the key.
I do not have this with my ex, his social life comes before contact
I make sure to keep my negative thoughts about him & his behaviour to myself, wish I could say the same for him.
Ultimately your child''s very existence is due to the fact that once upon a time you loved each other.
My daughter loves her dad very much and I try & encourage her to enjoy spending time with him. Children see themselves as the product of the two of you, and need to be assured that what they have inherited from both makes them a loveable person in their own right.
My stance is to reassure my daughter that daddy is angry with me, not her, and that he loves her very much and always will.
What he says and does are his issues, and she will grow up and make her own decisions about the way we have behaved.
I have to say, I don''t envy his position as she matures and feels more able to challenge his negative comments, think he might struggle with that!