What makes Shared Parenting Work?

Cooperations would be good.

This way less arguments and overall benefitting the kids.

Sharing time would be good especially when each parent has commitments rather than the children being sent to extended family, nurseries or childminders. The kids get to spend proper time with the other parent.

This will make the kids feel secure.

Not scoring points.
One starts and then the other can''t help it; just avoid it and it confuses the kids.

Communicate effectively such as using formal chat like m*n mes*enger and you can keep a log so no confusion takes place. This way it avoids any rowing.

Of course none of this has worked in my case as my ex is too busy thinking about himself rather than thinking about the kids. and

We''ve done it for seven years.

You have to put any bitterness aside, whatever decisions made have to be in the best interests of the children.

You have to let the other parent do it their way, and not think the children are more yours than theirs.

Be flexible and behave like an adult.

I think the main thing is to keep the children as your main focus, from that perspetive being a parent doesn''t change. There is a lot of flexibility and often strained communication necessary and to some extent you have to such a lot of it up, inevitably one parent will seek to take advantage of the other (or so it will seem) and that is something you have to get used to, and remember that its not the kids fault or doing. Its also useful to set some broad principals around the amount of time spent with each parent and also who is going to pay for what.

LB

Many of these posts are sadly rather negative. Shared parenting may not have been achievable in your own case, but it can and does work in many cases and is generally the best option for children.

Is Justaparent really the only member who has managed to make shared parenting work and who has useful, constructive advice to give on how to do it?

Seven years is quite an achievement!

Has anyone, for example, managed to make it work where cooperation and communication have been very difficult, perhaps by arranging handovers through a contact centre?

Live in a first floor flat and have an entry phone works a treat
All the best
HRH xx

I haven''t managed to do it, but I know two former couples who have maintained good shared parenting practices over a 50:50 split. One of these has been doing it for over ten years. This is what seems to make it work for them:

1. Mutual respect (or at least the appearance of it in front of the children)

2. A very regular pattern of changeovers - in both these cases you only get the children for Christmas, birthdays etc. if it falls on your week. Usually it will work out to be your week next year.

3. Flexibility where necessary - for example, having the children or providing food if the parent who is supposed to have them is ill, or one parent always taking the children to school or picking them up if that makes things easier all round.

4. Discussing all important and many not so important decisions, and making sure the children know that you do so.

5. An open commitment to making it work even if it makes things harder for the adults - so, for example, a commitment to stay in the same overall neighbourhood until the children leave home.

6. Overall, the children come first and are at the centre of what they do.

Best wishes,
Sadie

Forseti wrote:

Many of these posts are sadly rather negative. Shared parenting may not have been achievable in your own case, but it can and does work in many cases and is generally the best option for children.

Is Justaparent really the only member who has managed to make shared parenting work and who has useful, constructive advice to give on how to do it?

Seven years is quite an achievement!

Has anyone, for example, managed to make it work where cooperation and communication have been very difficult, perhaps by arranging handovers through a contact centre?

Nature of the beast? People come here when things aren''t going well and they need advice, so it''s bound to be people who are finding shared parenting difficult or impossible.