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Advice needed please!

  • sexysadie
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22 Sep 12 #357367 by sexysadie
Reply from sexysadie
Basically, I don''t think what you are trying to do is possible. It also isn''t really a good idea.

I can see that you want your ex to be punished for disrupting your lives by going to court for a contact order and then going away again. However, it''s not really in the interests of children for people to be punished for not taking advantage of contact that has been ordered by the court, or agreed in a Consent Order. You don''t really want people to resume contact unwillingly just to avoid punishment - it''s not in children''s interests to have contact with parents who clearly don''t want to see them.

As things stand at the moment, legal aid is granted to people who are poor enough to qualify and have a good chance of success. We can''t give them a test in advance to see if they then stick to what they get out of it. However, legal aid is being withdrawn from most family law cases from April, so not many more people are going to be able to use it to gain contact in the future. You may think that''s a good thing, but I don''t.

I have no idea why your ex has relocated, of course, but if she were to be brought to court to account for her actions, she would probably argue that you had made contact impossible, poisoned your son against her, etc. I am not saying that this is true, merely that it is something that she could easily argue in court.

I suggest that you give up on this and use your money for something that will more directly benefit yourself and your son.

Best wishes,

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22 Sep 12 #357374 by WYSPECIAL
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dad101 wrote:


The cost doesn''t matter to me.
I''m not only looking to bring my ex-partner to justice, i''m looking to stop this from happening to anyone else in the future.
Surely if my ex-partner can (legal aid funded) take me to court to garner a shared residency/contact court order that she then subsequently completely walks away from within 10 months - then surely there must be some some form of consequence - or is the British family court system a complete joke that is open to massive abuse without any threat of sanctions being impossed.

Can you prove that her intention was to walk away and not keep contact when she went to court?

Is it worth it even if you can?

Surely better to concentrate on your son than try to destroy his mother?

  • Forseti
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22 Sep 12 #357382 by Forseti
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Hi Dad101, I am in a very similar situation, with an ex who fought tooth and nail for several years for sole residence, at huge cost to both of us, but who has since abandoned our son and shown no interest in continuing contact.

The loss, as you say, is to these parents, and in my ex''s case her punishment is the loss of a relationship with a remarkable and wonderful young man.

I agree with the other posters that there is legally probably nothing that you can do and morally nothing that you should do.

There are options for obtaining compensation from the other party when a contact order is breached, but I don''t think they apply in your case and the courts are very reluctant to use them (only 5 orders in 2010).

Enjoy your relationship with your son and put all thoughts of retribution and revenge out of your head. Otherwise they will consume you.

  • hawaythelads
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23 Sep 12 #357398 by hawaythelads
Reply from hawaythelads
Spend the money on your son.
Not another bunch of solicitors.
You need to get the Ancillary Relief settled.
So that is your best avenue of raising this issue in court.
She will no doubt be expecting 50/50 on house equity.And will probably shamefully raise that she has joint residence.
You will be able to address her shameful manipulation and abandonment then of your son TWICE to probably secure 100% of the house equity or 80%.
Leave the application for ancillary relief with court until after Feb 2013 when Legal Aid is no longer available for divorce settlements.Just to feck her up good and proper.
Take him to Disneyland with the money is better spent as you''ll have your chance to present what a ***** she is in court anyways.
All the best
HRH xx

  • khan72
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23 Sep 12 #357399 by khan72
Reply from khan72
Please leave the door open for contact between your son and his mother in the future. Make sure your son sees this. We do not understand other peoples motives or pressures at times. Just make sure that circumstances that are under your control do not hinder her the ability to come back at a future date when she has had an opportunity to deal with some issues in her life.

Walk a mile in her shoes. Walk a mile in your sons shoes.

I would suggest getting counselling for your son. He is the real victim here. My heart goes out to all children who want contact with a NRP but circumstances do not allow it.

  • u6c00
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23 Sep 12 #357463 by u6c00
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Strategically my advice would be to hold off on everything right now.

In April 2013 your ex will not be able to obtain legal aid for resolution of the finances (unless she has already applied)

Your child is approaching 16 years of age and after that point the court will not make orders about him for contact or residence unless your ex can demonstrate that the circumstances are exceptional. I understand some people''s view that you should apply to the court to vary the shared residence to sole residence but if you did that now she would get Legal Aid funding to fight it making the situation worse.

I don''t think that what you are seeking advice on is either possible or constructive. Don''t squander more money on solicitors'' fees, save it for your child''s university fees, or anything more constructive.

You should read the Wikivorce response to the government consultation on shared parenting found here .

One of the things that was suggested was giving the court the power to make costs orders against parents who fail to take up court ordered contact.

If you are looking for something to help move the situation forward consider writing to your MP proposing this, or writing to the president of the family board. I don''t have his name to mind but I''m sure Khan can tell you.

  • soulruler
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23 Sep 12 #357471 by soulruler
Reply from soulruler
I agree with so much that is posted on here by Sadie and others. I also agree that it is not a good idea to withdraw legal aid from family cases in general as it will lead to more abuse in the system.

If you are looking for her to be held accountable for her actions then look at Uc''s post as financially she may not be in a position to claim the marital home - as legal aid will have been withdrawn from her.

In that way you may well find that you personally but more importantly your son finds the Justice you seek.

Unfortunate in my view that so many parents and children have effectively been punished by default by the way the legal aid system has worked both for and against families (at a cost to the general public sadly as well - even thoses who chose either not to get married or have partners but have paid their taxes).

I can see why you are very angry at the system but it is actually fighting itself - let it happen the time now is for you to withdraw as others have said and I agree.

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