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return of childrens things

  • survive
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24 Sep 12 #357698 by survive
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Hi wiki''s,

I''ve got another petty problem with ex.

Every other weekend, they stay at his home and I pack all of the things they need for their various activities, shoes kits etc and anything they need for school on the Monday. These itmes are left in a locked place which ex has access to. He normallt retuns then to the same place on the Monday so I canh wash them etc and have them for the childrens use the following week.
#Childrens school is on the doorstep to where we live so ex has to come to this area to collect children.

This weekend I packed their things as usual, including empty lunchboxes as I knew they would want to be pack lunch on Monday. In addition on child had been away with school and therefore had a suitacse with his belongings, that I had packed including toothbrush, pillow etc.

Ex only returned 2 kit bags today.

Each child had a lot of things missing, including one childs school book and record and the entire suitacse with contents of another.

I text ex and asked if he could drop them back (his girlfriend lives in the road opposite and he stays there every night, so again would be in this area).

He told me that if I wanted them then I could collect them from him. I explained that I couldn''t because I had 3 extra children round tonight and they wouldn''t all fit in the car.

I have not heard back and have not received the items.

I suggested earlier in the year that we could have double of everything as the children are with him for half of the year at weekends. He told me if I wanted to provide then I could buy double! I cannot afford to do that.

He is doing this to be deliberately childish. The thing is these are the childrens things which I buy and bother to pack , so surely he can bother to return them.

Any advice please on dealing with this xxxxxx

Survive

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24 Sep 12 #357700 by pixy
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He''s either doing it to wind you up or has genuinely forgotten but now realises he can use it to wind you up. Either way don''t let him. If he knows he can do it, he''ll keep on.

Ignore. Rise above. Don''t give him the satisfaction. Be sweetness and light - but maybe consider using the kids'' plasticine to make a voodoo doll, and stab it as viciously as you like.

It''s going to be a long game - but if you play it right you will eventually win it.

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24 Sep 12 #357706 by survive
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Thanks Pixy, yes , he is doing it to wind me up but nevertheless.... how do I get the childrens things back that I need??

Survive

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24 Sep 12 #357734 by pixy
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I''d suggest bluffing it out. You''ll have to be tough and keep the act up.

Don''t ask for the stuff again, send the kids to school without, if they ask tell them (matter of factly, not angrily) you can''t have x cos your dad forgot to return it. If it is a problem they''ll take the flak at school; when they complain to you, repeat, again matter of factly, sorry but your dad has still got x, I did ask him for it but he''s obviously forgotten.

Guarantee they will tell dad what an a***hole he is.

  • Mark100
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24 Sep 12 #357738 by Mark100
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It''s awful - I always tell my ex that it is their things that they need. Why keep what they need?
Mad mad mad!

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25 Sep 12 #357832 by Singledad1
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Cant you just send someone else around to pick the things up if the kids need them? Or one of the parents of the children who you are babysitting? Or a relative or a neighbour? Regardless of his behaviour you should be more concerned with your own and at this stage you have done nothing wrong.

If you collect the things from him (at your inconvenience) then you have sacrificed for your kids. Bravo

If you follow pixy''s advice and "play a game" or make your kids believe their dad is deficient, then you are even worse of a parent than him.

Parenting is not a game. Its childish to think of it as such. Yes he is not being a great parent by refusing to drop those things off - if indeed the children need them, but that does not mean you can''t be a good parent and the better person. Why not make your kids happy by saying "look - mummy got your things back so you can have them for school."

If anything your kids will appreciate your more, not think of him as deficient. Food for thought.

  • khan72
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25 Sep 12 #357837 by khan72
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Do not react to this. If he knows its one of your "buttons" he will just keep pressing away. My ex tries to push a lot of buttons. I don''t react. I keep a poker face. It truly winds her up that I do not react. Its like a "Button" on top of a button.

:)

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