return of childrens things

Sorry just re-read your post - pillow and toothbrush were extras for child that had been away.

Agree dont rise to the bait, send them in clothes you don''t mind missing for a week or two and do as you said you have, put it back on their dad for being the one who didnt return stuff.

Survive,

Do not feed the troll. Resist the temptation. Control games start from small games and end up larger. They are very insiduous. The main pawns are the children.
If you cannot resist the smaller games, you will open the door to the larger, more dangerous games. De-escalate.

Write down all his tricks in a book. Write down your reactions and how you feel. As more and more tricks get played, you will see them for what they are. You will also see that you develop an immunity to them. Water off a ducks back.

My ex is now livid at my non-reaction. Even claiming I am unemotional.

Dear Survive

Well done. I have been through the exact same situation and constantly go through it. You did not treat this as a game. You found solutions and you did the work for your kids.

Maybe you could keep some stuff in school so they could access it there instead of carry it around. 3rd parties can be really helpful at removing problems.

The idea is that, try to remove a problem before it happens. Both you and ex are vulnerable, angry and hurt. Find solutions and workarounds because this will only make you feel better and give you something to draw your attention away from him, which is probably the reason he does things to annoy you.

No focus on games, no winding each other up, just kids and solutions for kids. He broke the eggs, you make an omelette for your kids.

Oh how familiar this sounds!!!

Rise above it and be like me with twenty odd of everything.....

I had to drive 20 miles at weekend to return all items of uniform ''he had paid for''. The sum total as a pair of shorts, a vest and 1 polo top.

My little one is constantly worrying about having to remember to take things back to his dads - I told his dad if things are that important dont send them. Anyway ended with the police being called becasue I couldnt find a toy story backpack his dad had paid for........

Jess x

veryniaive wrote:

Oh how familiar this sounds!!!

Rise above it and be like me with twenty odd of everything.....

I had to drive 20 miles at weekend to return all items of uniform ''he had paid for''. The sum total as a pair of shorts, a vest and 1 polo top.

My little one is constantly worrying about having to remember to take things back to his dads - I told his dad if things are that important dont send them. Anyway ended with the police being called becasue I couldnt find a toy story backpack his dad had paid for........

Jess x

Oh I''d love to have been the fly on the wall at the Police Station when that call came in:

"Hello, Police"
"Hi, My Ex has committed a terrible crime and I need you round there, pronto"
"OK, please describe this crime"
"I paid for a back pack and it wasn''t returned to me after contact"
"And you think that is a Police matter?"
"Its a Toy Story one"
*dialing tone*

well they actually said that my 4 year old would have to make the complaint......

Oh such is life eh?

Hahahaha - was that because your 4 year old was the most mature person in your ex''s house at the time?

"i think you are confused sir, you see this is the Police station and you appear to be looking for Buzz Lightyear!"