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Wrongfully accused of PA

  • Sjw19850141
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26 Sep 12 #358041 by Sjw19850141
Topic started by Sjw19850141
Ok so apologies in advance

My 6 year old has not seen his dad in 2 and a half years properly, now this is not because I am a horrible spiteful ex but because he decided to strike my beautiful boy with a computer mouse both on his back ad in his "winky" as he puts it and he does not wish this to happen again, this episode came after many incidents involving non feeding, dangerous chemicals, polystyrene up his nose and general other little welfare issues that I didn''t believe we''re enough to stop contact but enough to bring up with him, now the latest and greatest idea is that the psychologist should bring him a gift from his dad which I had no problem with... Wee man did, he''s afraid that she''ll " make me see the bad man" ( that''s what he''s taken to calling his dad despite me constantly telling him not to, I even tried getting him to call him by his Christian name if that would help but to no avail) but anyway she came with the gift and after much badgering he opened it, and asked "what will happen if I keep the present?" To which the psychologist and myself replied that it was just a gift, now later in the day I found it in his bin when he started to talk about how he didn''t want to see "the bad man" and I was to put this gift in the bin ( I didn''t I just put it in the cupboard) now she wanted to return with a second gift and I told her what had happened and now she says I''m undermining what she''s trying to do, I wasn''t I was just telling her what happened, I have tried everything I can think of to get him to see his dad from talking about happier times, trying to arrange visits to places he likes, talking to him about how his dad feels without him and I even asked if he would like to send a birthday card none of it worked, and I don''t even have a number to call his dad cos he won''t give me it despite me asking in court, and just to add to it his dad has moved nearly 400 miles away so I''m at a total loss how can I fix this??

Thanks for bearing with me

Sj

  • khan72
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27 Sep 12 #358105 by khan72
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Simple. Do not be in the room with your son and psychologist. Make the psychologist have a one on one. You should detach completely. In that way you cannot be accused of anything as you would not be there to influence.

Example

Interview with child

P = Psychologist; C = Child; M = Mother


(Mother insists on being at the interview with the child)
P: Tell me about school. Do you have many friends? How is your school work progressing and how old are you?
C: I have many friends and I am one of the best readers in the class and I am only 7.
P: I have just seen your daddy and mummy.
(Child throws a furtive glance towards the mother while she speaks)
C: I don’t want to see him.
P: Why don’t you want to see your father?
C: Because I hate him!
P: Why do you hate him?
C: Because of what he did to us.
P: Did he do anything bad to you?
C: He used to shout at me sometimes.
P: Did he ever hit you?
(Again the child looks at her mother to consider what answer to give)
C: I only love mummy now.


Lesson - Psychologists will always note when a parent insists on being with the child and raise questions as to their reasons.

  • Elphie
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27 Sep 12 #358118 by Elphie
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I would question what the physiologist is aiming to do - fix the relationship between your son and his dad or help your child heal the hurt he has experienced both physically and emotionally at the hands of his father? It is entirely possible that your son has now developed an understanding that the psychologist,s purpose is to make him see "the bad man" in which case there isn''t much chance she will have success at either of the above. She herself needs to build a trusting relationship with the child before she can have any effect on his emtotional state. He needs to be allowed to heal first, with the option to see dad again in the future when he is comfortable with it. Not have it forced upon him. and next time she accuses you, I would attack back and point this out to her.

This whole situation is the dad''s own doing. You can''t hit your own child then accuse the other parent of parental alienation.

  • Sjw19850141
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27 Sep 12 #358119 by Sjw19850141
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I asked to leave the room last time she was here and she said I should stay, I did leave the room the first time she was here and they were fine till she pushed him on seeing his dad at which point he left the room and came to find me ( I was in my bedroom at the opposite end of the hall with the door closed) so I have no answers, please help because I just don''t know what else to do I know I''m not doing anything in this and it''s really upsetting me that anyone would think I would abuse my lo in this way, it''s his choice to see his dad or not but I''m trying so very hard to support him in anyway I can, all suggestions gratefully received x

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27 Sep 12 #358120 by khan72
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What are the qualifications of the psychologist? How much experience do thy have? What bodies do they belong to? Do they have a practise?

Read this.
www.uclan.ac.uk/news/files/FINALVERSIONFEB2012.pdf

Its basically about quality assurance.

  • pixy
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27 Sep 12 #358133 by pixy
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And who is paying the psychologist and what is his/her remit?

  • Sjw19850141
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27 Sep 12 #358137 by Sjw19850141
Reply from Sjw19850141
We are both having to pay her and she is supposed to be finding out if a relationship between my so and his dad is viable at all at the present time, I''d like to think it might be but it will take a long time fr my son to heal from his distress and I think she has to dispel this fear that he has of seeing him I''ve tried every way I can think of but he still refuses so what I could really use from her us some advice on how to help him heal and take it from there because I think until we can get past that huge emotional hurdle were not going to help him or his dad x

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