Birthday :-(

My ex is being very difficult and uncommunicative right now. We split in March and waiting on Nisi.

DD lives with me but spends alternate weekends with him and gets picked up from school by him 3 days.

DD''s birthday in November - falls on ''his'' weekend. Just tried to discuss when I could see her and he says I can''t because it''s ''his weekend''.

Unfortunately this was said in front of DD ( she''s only 5) and although I''ve tried to play it down, she obv wants to see me on her bd.

It''s not as if he took any interest in making her birthday special during our marriage, he''s not really interested in spending time with her. I''m constantly trying not to worry about reports from friend''s that he''s not very nice to her when he has her. It''s all about him being difficult to try and get at me.

Where do I start?

Special days are always very difficult, esp the ''first'' of such days.

Its a hard fact that as separated parents we can''t always spend all the special days with our children but what we can do is wave them off with a smile and plan a birthday party/alternative Christmas on another day when they return. Its not the date on the calander that''s important but the occasion you make. You can still do all the birthday things with your daughter, and children love having 2 birthdays/Christmases etc - just think 2 parties and 2 lots of presents

So I can''t see my daughter on her birthday??

I''m so sad. I would never dream of stopping him from seeing her.

I know it''s not because he really wants to spend the time with her or make it special. He doesn''t barely give a damn about birthdays whereas I''ve always gone out of my way to make them special.

Its not for me to say whether or not you can - that is something that you and your ex will need to agree on.

I do understand how hard it - I''ve been a separeted parent for over 10 years now, but it does get less difficult with time.

Can you call your daughter on her birthday,? You can still make her birthday special by planning a surprise on her return the next day, perhaps suggest you collect her earlier on the Sunday,

Bd is actually on the Monday which forms part of ''his weekend''. He has the whole weekend to do stuff with her, he''s just being awkward.

Can you not share the weekend so you both see your daughter? Would seem quite simple so you both have time.
Ask that you talk on the phone or Skype on her birthday.
Look at your daughters birthday for future years and explain to ex that those times he won''t share if you can''t work it out now.

That''s all I asked for - to share the day with him. Either she comes to me Sun night so she can wake up and do presents with me OR I collect her from school, even if only for a couple of hours, or later so she sleeps at mine on her bd night. He''s refusing me all contact on that day.

Just particularly saddening because he never made any effort for her prev birthdays