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Outcome from today''s hearing!!!

  • khan72
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03 Oct 12 #359178 by khan72
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My daughter throws a wobbler at hand over only if her mum hands her over. If anyone else hands her over, she is fine.
After the ex hands her over she just hangs around for a minute. making a fuss "oh its ok. its ok." My daughter then starts crying more and more. Then ex leaves and looks at me with a grin. It used to bother me but now i ignore it. I dont think she realises the power of "Gummy Bears". Give her a gummy bear and 30 seconds of hugs and kisses, she is back to normal ;)
I wish my ex would just "Walk away". Less distress to my daughter that way.

  • jslgb
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03 Oct 12 #359179 by jslgb
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Sjw19850141 wrote:

oh and I take issue with the poster who thinks that that RP should "Walk AwAY" if my son was just throwing a wobbly i would but he is genuinely distressed and cannot be left with NRP as noted by curator during contact centre visits! she couldnt even get him into the room the second time!


Sj, i think you may have posts mixed up! I think i know the one which you are talking about and in those circumstances i would agree.

In this case it would appear the mother is playing on the son''s uncertainty about contact which indications suggest to me have something to do with some kind of interference from the RP as contact was established on an overnight basis before this.

My stbxh went through similar with his ex over his eldest daughter. Daughter would get distressed leaving her mum and instead of saying goodbye and leaving, mum would drag it out, stood at the door for ages making matters worse, and when she finally left (usually after at least half an hour of talking to her in a baby voice and hugging her and telling her she''d miss her) the daughter would be happy as larry in about 30 seconds flat! These are the situations i suggest they should say goodbye, hug, kiss and leave. Same way i do when my daughter gets upset going to school on occasion!!

  • sleepybird
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03 Oct 12 #359182 by sleepybird
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Well we hoped that from todays hearing the judge would tell the ex that this needs to be the case, and my partner suggested quick smooth handovers, contact centre handovers or thrid party etc.

The judge disagreed with all of it and all he has done is add fuel to the fire as far as im concerned. Now mum thinks its ok for her to make handovers an hour long process and with son being distressed etc and she also thinks if son gets too distressed or says he doesnt want to go then thats ok too, he wont be made too.

The judge has missed the point completely where on the first occasion where contact was missed son was just a bit unsure and upset and if mum has stood her ground and told him everything would be fine and that he has to go with his daddy, we wouldnt be in this situation right now at all.

Son loves being with us and would have settled after 10 minutes.

Now I feel that the judge has given her the thumbs up to carry on behaving the way she has for the last 7 weeks and by the time we go back in november, 13 weeks contact will have been missed, what will he suggest then??? contact to be stopped completely and chuck the order in the bin?

Sorry peeps, just so angry at the moment. Cant beleieve this outcome has happenend with all of the emails we have from her, basically digging a hold for herself.

GRRRRRRR!!!!!!

  • carer
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03 Oct 12 #359186 by carer
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Hi Sleepybird,

I completely understand your frustration about this - it must be so difficult for your Ex when he feels that the Mum is manipulating the child.

Hopefully once the child has spoken with a Professional they can get to the bottom of what is going on from the child''s point of view. Although the outcome isnt what you had hoped for I am trying to think of it from the Judge''s point of view - he is faced with two parents both saying the other is telling lies - and he doesnt know what the truth is - the only common denominator is that they both agree that there is a distressed child in the picture - and the child is the most important person in all of this so maybe he felt that he should be addressing the child''s concerns first before even thinking about the adults - it sounds like his hands were tied to an extent and he is doing the only thing he can do for now which should hopefully bring out the truth of what has been going on.

Is there any way you could go to collect the child for contact - along with your daughter and Ex? Is your daughter close to this little boy? Perhaps she could distract him with a small gift to help with the handover? Could someone else do the handover instead of Mum?

Carer

  • sleepybird
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03 Oct 12 #359187 by sleepybird
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Oh and just proved exactly what I mean as my partner has just text ex to ask her not to discuss contact with son before the weekend and my partner will see how it goes when he has him for the day. She replied saying ''no the judge said this weekend is just visiting contact'' to which my partner replied '' so if son is happy at the weekend to stay with me as per the court order you won''t let him?'' her reply '' no as the judge said small steps to get contact back on track''

Think I have just proved my point that the judge today has now given her the green light to stop court ordered contact even if her son agrees to it.

Does anyone have any experience of appealing a court decision and getting a second opinion from a different judge as this is ridiculous!!

  • mbird
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03 Oct 12 #359188 by mbird
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Sleepybird I know you are frustrated. You have to stay focused, this is going to be a long process unfortunately. :-(
I really do know how you feel and read khans posts he knows what he''s talking about, an ignore the negative ones!
With regards to previous posts re PR if one parent dies then quite rightly, the other parent would assume care unless there was a non contact order etc. They obviously would have more rights than a grandmother!

  • disneybunny
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03 Oct 12 #359191 by disneybunny
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khan72 wrote:

My daughter throws a wobbler at hand over only if her mum hands her over. If anyone else hands her over, she is fine.
After the ex hands her over she just hangs around for a minute. making a fuss "oh its ok. its ok." My daughter then starts crying more and more. Then ex leaves and looks at me with a grin. It used to bother me but now i ignore it. I dont think she realises the power of "Gummy Bears". Give her a gummy bear and 30 seconds of hugs and kisses, she is back to normal ;)
I wish my ex would just "Walk away". Less distress to my daughter that way.



Your child is still very young as they get older are you going to buy them off with iPads, iPhones and such. A lot of teenagers stop bothering with the nrp as it does not fit in with their social life and no court will force them too.

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