A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Outcome from today''s hearing!!!

  • mbird
  • mbird's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
03 Oct 12 #359193 by mbird
Reply from mbird
I find some of these posts soooo disturbing!!! I don''t think giving a child a couple of gummy bears is buying them off!!!

  • disneybunny
  • disneybunny's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
03 Oct 12 #359195 by disneybunny
Reply from disneybunny
It''s life mbira if a rp was fobbing a child off with sweets every time they got upset you would find that disturbing too.

  • Sjw19850141
  • Sjw19850141's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
03 Oct 12 #359196 by Sjw19850141
Reply from Sjw19850141
if its just a moan then I really dont see what the RPs problem is, When it was my son and he moaned after me I tried sending my mum (which didnt make it any better) but at least we could get him to go could your partner bring something that he really likes from your house? a teddy or something? (cos its a wee bit obv that RP wouldnt provide something reassuring) I did try that and it helped with the wobbly bit, other events transpired with my son and now he is afraid, however there is no such circumstance here, just a thought ?x

  • WhiteRose
  • WhiteRose's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
More
03 Oct 12 #359201 by WhiteRose
Reply from WhiteRose
disneybunny wrote:

khan72 wrote:

My daughter throws a wobbler at hand over only if her mum hands her over. If anyone else hands her over, she is fine.
After the ex hands her over she just hangs around for a minute. making a fuss "oh its ok. its ok." My daughter then starts crying more and more. Then ex leaves and looks at me with a grin. It used to bother me but now i ignore it. I dont think she realises the power of "Gummy Bears". Give her a gummy bear and 30 seconds of hugs and kisses, she is back to normal ;)
I wish my ex would just "Walk away". Less distress to my daughter that way.



Your child is still very young as they get older are you going to buy them off with iPads, iPhones and such. A lot of teenagers stop bothering with the nrp as it does not fit in with their social life and no court will force them too.


I think Khan is describing a distraction technique rather than bribery, he mentioned Daddy cuddles too as well as Gummy Bears. Many Mums have to face their kiddo''s being upset on handovers, whether its to Dad as an NRP, Creche, Nursery, School etc. I asked advice about leaving my daughter at a creche and the advice was to not make a big deal about it, kids can pick up on your emotions. So I''m guessing what Khan is saying is that it would be better if Mum didn''t make a fuss, hid her feelings to prevent her daughter from being distressed.

If you were taking the child to the dentist, you wouldn''t sob in the waiting room, clinging to the child saying - ''Its OK, its OK'' you act like its not a problem, you don''t make it a big deal and the child is calm and deals with it using your example.

  • mbird
  • mbird's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
03 Oct 12 #359203 by mbird
Reply from mbird
+This is not fobbing them off, it is merely a distraction technique which makes them forget for a moment the impact the resident parents parental alienation has on them.This distracts them long enough to forget the brainwashing.
I have no idea where the I pod comments came from. Loving and caring for children is not about gifts and most people realise that. It''s about doing what is best for them, whether or not they like it, such as making sure they have a healthy diet.
This person has had an extremely difficult day at court clearly and I feel that negative comments that actually hold no substance are not helpful to them. Some of the comments I am reading from one blogger in particular strike me as being from a person who appears identical to my partners ex who is desperate for control, even if it means causing severe anguish to her children.
This site is great because it allows people of all mindsets to express their views, although I feel sometimes, despite peoples need to put the world to rights, they should consider the impact of those seeking guidance and reassurance.
Sleepybird, I know it seems really tough, my partner is a great dad and is going through the mill,as are we both. However the advice about ignoring his ex is spot on, Remove her control and she will eventually (although it may not seem like it at the moment) get fed up and stop poisoning the poor children.

  • u6c00
  • u6c00's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
03 Oct 12 #359206 by u6c00
Reply from u6c00
jslgb wrote:

Can a parent not pass on their PR to a person of their choice ie grandparent or spouse?


You can appoint a guardian in the event of your death but to the best of my knowledge it must be applied for in court by the parent with PR before they die.

PR is not bequeathed, and if it were that would be a disturbing world where PR would be seen as property.

This judgement is an interesting one on the topic - deceased mother''s sister claimed it was the dying wish of the mother that the child should live with her and her husband.

They did not win and ended up with a costs order against them.

  • khan72
  • khan72's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
03 Oct 12 #359207 by khan72
Reply from khan72
The moment your expression changes due to ex doing something to vex you, they will do it again. They found a "button". To them, its a great big red button with "Press Here" written on it.

Each time you react to the button being pressed, you feed the troll. The more you feed the troll, the more the button gets pressed.

I have found the best way to deal with handovers is "poker face". If your buttons get pressed, show no emotion. Ignore it. See your kids and ignore all the surroundings. Greet em with a hug :DAfter 5 or 6 button pushes, it stops getting used.

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11