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Outcome from today''s hearing!!!

  • sleepybird
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04 Oct 12 #359365 by sleepybird
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Thanks so much. I think I would feel better had the ex not stated on her text last night that whether son wants to have overnight contact or not this weekend, she won''t let it happen. This is where I see the problem is that contact will be stopped for even longer because the judge didn''t make himself clear in court st all.

The next hearing is in nov and I can''t see him all of a sudden realising that he was wrong as he always sees any discussions about what''s happend previously as a waste of time. He wont even tell the ex she''s wrong for not letting contact happen when it could have and would have been fine.

I have no doubt in my mind that as soon as son is away from his mother for a few hours he will be fine anf want to stay over again but now she has stated that she wont allow theres still a court order in place here
and no variations have been made so if contact is possible then it should still go ahead as per the order

I have been through this with my partner from the start and have to say that it was easier getting the court order in the first place than this is. The first judge he saw was excellent and since then we''ve had this a hole

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05 Oct 12 #359542 by sleepybird
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Well took some advice from a solicitor today and he actually said that contact orders aren''t worth the paper they are written on as the mother can use excuses like these and Brain wash their child as much as they like
As soon as the child is in any distress over contact no matter who''s fault it is, the courts hands are tied and all you can hope for is some agreement with the mother regarding contact.

He said that the court has likely adjourned the hearing in the hope that contact will be worked out and resolved between the parents. If this doesn''t happen then they could even suggest contact centre visits.

He said we have to go backwards to move forwards and play the game.

He noted that the judge had set 45 minutes for the next hearing so it''s likely he will want to look into a bit more evidence and discuss thoroughly what''s happend since the first hearing.

So basically we have to ride the storm and go with whatever the ex wants and is happy with .

She has said that even if son does want to come and stay this weekend, she still won''t let him.
She has also sent another text saying son has football in the morning so you can come with us or you can come over and see him afterwards, to which my partner replied that it''s his contact weekend and she shouldn''t be booking in other things for him to do and that they are supposed to be getting contact back on track. Her reply was that my partner is selfish and son has missed loads of football because he''s had to see my partner

WTF so unfair that she is just getting away with all this
He just said make a note of everything that happens and that''s all we can do.

Men have no rights, simple as that!!!!!

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05 Oct 12 #359543 by carer
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Hi Sleepybird,

It sounds like your partner has had some good advice from the Solicitor - albeit not what you want to hear.

As for the football - could your partner offer to collect son and take him to football and stay and watch then take him back with him? At the PIP we went on we were told that children should be allowed to participate in a social life as far as is possible so they dont start to resent either parent - especially the NRP for ''taking them away'' from what they want to do. It might be worth going along with so it doesnt add any stress onto an already stressful situation.

Stay child-focused and remember that this is about the child not about the parents - no matter how upset or hurt your partner feels - the Courts arent interested - the child is the priority.

Keep making notes of everything and play the game.

Carer

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06 Oct 12 #359614 by Sjw19850141
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I agree with carer, could your partner not take him to football? Cos lets be honest it''s more a daddy thing anyway? I think that could really strengthen their relationship and its something to build from.

  • sleepybird
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06 Oct 12 #359635 by sleepybird
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Mum wouldn''t let him take son to football so we went today and spent time with him in the house. Son refused to come out with us (me my partner and my 5 yr old daughter) so ended up going to the park all of us including me, my partner, mum, nan and my daughter.

The ex''s mum kept telling me how she thinks my partner has bought this all on himself and being quite nasty about him. It seems from what I have heard today that the ex''s mum detests my partner and I think has quite an influence on how het daughter behaves.

Son wasn''t at all upset today but just refused to come with us. I had to prompt mum to encourage him to come but all she did was ask him why he didn''t want to and cuddled and kissed him, not at all stern as the judge suggested. My partner nearly lost his rag with it all to be honest.

I suggested to mum on leaving that she bring son to
Our home next time and she broadly agreed to this.

Not a bad day but just seems as though this has become a situation where son has been given the choice for so long now that he won''t back down and feels the need to carry this issue on and although this sounds strange, seems to like the attention this is creating.

I don''t think this is good for him at all but as the solicitor said, all we cam do is ride the storm and be reasonable and cooperative.

Mum thinks it all needs to be sons decision and unfortunately we have to go along with that for the time being.

Not sure what the judge will suggest next time to be honest as we are going backwards!!!

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06 Oct 12 #359636 by Chained
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You are spot on sleeps!

Son right now is having the time of his life with all this attention! I have the impression that ex has created a monster (his behavior) and she does not even know how to handle this herself. Be careful what you wish, they say. This could become very interesting...

Keep calm and drink red bull... ;-)

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09 Oct 12 #360066 by sleepybird
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Just an update

Ex said last weekend that she will bring son down to our home next weekend as a step to getting contact back on track.

She has now text today to say that she has thought about it and decided that she wont be doing that now and that my partner is welcome to see son for a few hours at her home this weekend and the same next weekend but he is not allowed to ask son if he wants to go out with my partner this weekend as its too much pressure, she will see how this weekend goes and decide if he should go out with my partner next weekend.
She doesnt feel that son should be taken out of his comfort zone at this stage WTF

He has been staying with us for a year up until this all started.

My partner replied saying she was happy with all of these suggestions at the weekend so why back track now and that the judge told her she needs to be more stern and stronger.

She replied saying that she cant remember the judge saying that so has ordered a copy of the tape and then she can see what he said. she cant even make a decision without a judge telling her too.

shes Back tracked on everything she said last weekend, dont know why we even listened to her to be honest.

Just dont feel at all confident that the judge will change anything at the next hearing or see this for what it is.

so lost with it all now!!!!

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