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Outcome from today''s hearing!!!

  • sleepybird
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09 Oct 12 #360085 by sleepybird
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This is the problem. The judge was so vague about everything.

He told the ex off for various things she had done but said that because there is a distressed child involved that things need to be taken slowly to rebuild contact or ''slowly slowly catch the monkey'' as he put it.

He didn''t make any variations to the order in place and said that son needs some counselling but quote commonly it''s not the son that needs it but one of the parents.

He said that my partner was crazy to suggest more contact and that he needs to look at the bigger picture ( my partner suggested 2 nights every 2 weeks instead of one so that son has more time with him to rebuild contact)

He said that the ex needs to be more stern with her approach to contact and son needs to feel comfortable,

He adjourned the case until early nov and wants to see how things unfold in the meantime.

He said that although my partner hadn''t had court ordered contact for 7 weeks he shouldn''t have applied for enforcement but variation instead.

He suggested that we take my daughter of the same age to see son and thinks that will be the key in getting contact back on track (it didn''t do a thing, son still refused to go out with us anywhere)

My partner rung the courts afterwards to clarify what the judge wrote in his notes and he wrote '' contact to broadly remain the same with phone and direct contact'' ''parties broadly agree to keep contact the same'' and then that he had adjourned it until nov.

  • hawaythelads
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09 Oct 12 #360094 by hawaythelads
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I think your partner needs to explain that the judge was suggesting your daughter went to help the kid come away from her house for contact.The most fundamental point that "mummy knows best" has seen to completely ignored.
Diary her manipulations of the situation with the text about he can''t stay over.
The turning the contact into staying at her house.
Her U turn on bringing the kid to you.
I think when you present this to the judge it maybe could be that he was giving her enough rope to hang herself with.
I think your husband needs to also point out clearly in an email that he comes to pick the kid up as per the contact order to take him home.That is why he comes over.Not to visit the kid in her home that only occurs as she is incapable of making the kid available.
You don''t want to go back to court and she paints a picture that you are all in agreement to seeing the kid at hers.It''s only to keep a relationship with the kid despite her manipulation.
All the best
HRH xx

  • MrsMathsisfun
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09 Oct 12 #360099 by MrsMathsisfun
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So the current contact agreement is 1 night staying contact a fortnight?

Agree with haway. If thats the court order all you can do is turn up to collect child. If child upset and refuses. All you can do is return home without child. Anything else is playing into her hands.

Its really all about the long game.

  • Sjw19850141
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09 Oct 12 #360113 by Sjw19850141
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Will she let the child speak to his daddy on the phone? I know it''s not ideal but its a step towards rebuilding contact? Does she have Skype even? I think being in her house is a very odd idea and frankly I''m with Disney here I wouldn''t want my ex in my home, other thing here is I don''t think that nan should be making comments like that within earshot of the child that''s not fair? Other point is if its all about what the little boy wants then short of telepathy how is anyone meant to gauge that without asking him?, I think it''s a control issue and I''m so sorry for your situation, don''t know what else to say but I think additional indirect contact might be a step in the right direction, does the wee chap have contact with his paternal grandparents etc? Maybe they could help too? X

  • sleepybird
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10 Oct 12 #360133 by sleepybird
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The problem is with this is the judge said that it has to be taken slowly and so the ex has clung to that with both hands

No one seems to know what to do for the best and if I''m
Honest I think the judge has made this situation a lot worse.

We did a position statement for the last hearing, do you think it''s a good idea to do another one before the next hearing or just take the diary with all the events into the court and present them to the judge then?

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10 Oct 12 #360135 by Sjw19850141
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Well for my mind she''s not gonna get much slower than indirect contact with some direct contact so I really don''t know what else to say, the diary might help, has a psychologist spoken to the little one yet? That might be an idea to get to the bottom of where the anxiety from the wee one is coming from and they will know how best to try and get him over it x

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10 Oct 12 #360137 by sleepybird
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There''s apparently a councillor attached to sons school and mum said that she is only willing for this councillor to see son.

My partner has called the school 4 times now but still got nowhere with them.

She won''t agree to private help at this stage she said.

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