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Outcome from today''s hearing!!!

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12 Nov 12 #365875 by GETTING STRONGER NOW
sorry but I appear to be coming from the other side. My children 15 and 12 refuses to see their father and it has little to do with anything that I have said. For the first few months they saw him spasmodically but it always ended in disaster with the kids extremely distressed by something he had done.
Until July I was forcing my son to go out with his dad until my children made me realise it was causing them more distress.
I have done everything to encourage their relationship, i allowed him home for Xmas and the New Year. I have been out for meals with them, I have been to his house just so the children can see that he and I can get on.
The problem is my stbx thinks the children should slot into his "New Life" but refuses to answer their questions when they have them.
He too as accused me of causing this situation which is just his way of blaming someone else, something he has always done.
The important thing is finding out why the son does not want to see his father and an independent person would be the only one likely to get to the bottom of this.
I have taken my children to mediation and to family therapy where they explained all their reasons for not wanting to see him, some which were new to me. ts easy to blame the other parent, emotions are running high.
I will never force my children to see their dad again, I just gently encourage that they read and respond to his emails which I do not read or interfere with. At present they do not respond but at least they are reading them now.
the longer these situations go one the worse it is for everyone, things get distorted and put out of proportion and even innocent comments can be twisted.
I''m sure his x will have a totally different view on the situation to you and your partner.
How do you and him behave in front of him? do you blame his mum because if so he will feel protective towards her.
I am unsure how old his son is but he is the only one who knows how he feels, the bickering between your partner and his x will only confuse him more.
the judge has probably seen cases like yours many times so although you may not be happy with his Directions i''m sure they are with the best interests of the child.
Apologies like i say I am in the same situation has your partners ex, everyone has there view on events.

  • sleepybird
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12 Nov 12 #365919 by sleepybird
Reply from sleepybird

Our case is very different to yours. son has just turned 5 and your children are much older.

he loves being with his dad and since the hearing the ex will only allow contact in her home with son unless son agrees when asked by her to go out with his dad.( he hides when she asks him sometimes and other times just says ''no'')

The contact order has been thrown to one side as far as she is concerned and now my partner is seeing his son around 4 hours every other week.

She accompanies my partner when he takes his son anywhere which has led to them argueing and to my partner suggesting that he have his son alone for some time but she refuses calling him selfish and says that she and the judge dismissed his suggestions for contact at the last hearing. (the judge didnt and actually didnt make any variations to the order in place)

She refuses counselling now although the judge recomended it and my partner has suggested around 5 counsellors in her area. she says its too scary for son and she thinks this will all sort itself out in the end.

Son asks my partner not to leave when he is with him at her home so that shows how much he loves him.

Son doesnt have any idea what he wants and because this situation has been allowed to carry on for so long now, it will be harder for him to deal with contact over night although I am sure that if his mother just let him go and told him he was going with his daddy then he would be fine as he has always really enjoyed his time with us in the past, even asking to stay longer but the ex used to insist that son calls her and asks her himself or she wont allow it, he never wanted to do that funnily enough.

My partner and I dont talk about the ex in front of son as we feel he needs a break from the constant battle so thats not the reason he is behaving this way. We have fun and do fun things when hes with us.

The judge made a bad decision at the last hearing and now the situation is worse than it was before with a confused and torn 5 year old little boy in the middle!!!!!!

I beleive firmly that this is what the ex wanted all along and has done her utmost to make sure it happened.

The biggger picture - my partner had to take her to court for reasonable access over a year ago as she wouldnt agree to it.
He spent 3 years driving 60 miles to see his son for 4 hours on a sunday that she would allow and 60 miles home again. hes always paid for him, clothed him etc and has shown himself to be a loving and dedicated father so what is happening is not right for either my partner or his son!!!

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