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ex harassing me to change contact order each day

  • JulieP
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04 Oct 12 #359252 by JulieP
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I have a question about what a court contact order means in reality, day to day living - I am being harassed by my ex over contact despite having a court order.

Background: We''ve recently been to court over residence and contact for our ten year old daughter, but the main hearing is not for another 4 months so the judge wrote out an interim order spelling out when our daughter''s contact with her father would be. The remainder of the time our daughter is living with me. I have always been her main carer as her father has worked away for many years.
This is the first week after the court order. Yesterday he phoned and texted me saying he will be coming to the school to see his daughter. I replied saying it wasn''t his day to collect, and so he spent an hour on the phone with our daughter later in the day. He then sent texts and emails saying i should be ashamed, and I am preventing him seeing his daughter. Today he emailed saying that he wants to collect her today, and he wants her to stay over night with him on Friday. None of these are in the contact order.
His contact is the day he requested, time after school on a friday but not over night, and he has overnights on saturdays at weekends.
He has sent messages saying I am being unreasonable, preventing him seeing his daughter, that I am shameful, how can I sleep at night, etc etc
The reason I applied to the court in a non-molestation order and for interim residence and contact was to stop all of these arguments over each day, so that we can settle down and have a calm life for our daughter. I thought the court order would settle things until the main hearing next year. My question is - can I just refer to the court order in reply to his messages, or am I, as he says, preventing him seeing his daughter? does anyone have experience with an ex that won''t accept an interim contact order and has hassled and harassed them each day about it? I''d be grateful for any advice please!
thanks
Julie

  • maisymoos
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04 Oct 12 #359261 by maisymoos
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I don''t have any direct experience of this but it does sound like you are being harrassed and controlled. How does your daughter feel about the permitted contact? If she is happy yes I would simply refer him back to the Court Order.

  • JulieP
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04 Oct 12 #359263 by JulieP
Reply from JulieP
Hi, thanks for the quick reply. Our daughter is quite happy, she hasn''t asked for any changes, in fact she is happy that she will have a full afternoon with her dad on a weekday as he was never around for this before. She is a bit puzzled by her dad''s very long phone calls to her.
I was surprised to be contacted every day by her dad asking to see her every day - and wondered if this was normal.
thanks
Julie

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04 Oct 12 #359264 by jslgb
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Was the interim court order agreed by you both or did he want more contact?

Is it likely to change when you have the main hearing?

I dont think you need to rigidly stick to the interim order if you dont feel its necessary, but it was drafted for a reason. Is there a specific reason you dont want him to have additional contact?

In terms of his behaviour i agree with maisy that it sounds like you are being harrassed and controlled. You mentioned a non-molestation order, what are the terms of this?

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04 Oct 12 #359271 by JulieP
Reply from JulieP
he wanted to split the week with 3 days with him, two days with me, but we live far apart now as I had to move in with my mother at some distance as he would not move out of the family home. It was not workable, and would have been a total change to what our daughter is used to - which is me looking after her every day. I don''t know if it will change at the main hearing, I don''t know what court''s normally decide.

I proposed what was the current set up, - but would in fact go beyond this to be more time with her father than before - he has never spent a full afternoon with our daughter after school.
I didn''t want an arrangement with a different bed every two nights, packing repacking, disruption for our daughter. She is settled and happy, and it is maintaining the status quo.
the non-molestation order didn''t seem to be discussed in our 30 minute hearing, I''d applied for an emergency order for non mol, occupation, contact as residence as my ex was due to return to the UK after working abroad for several years, and I wanted clarity on use of the family home, not to be under the same roof as him because of his behaviour to me in front of our daughter - it has been moved with the occupation order request to a hearing in April next year!
so I don''t have any non-mol order to protect me from emails, texts and phone calls telling me I am shameful!
My fear is that he will hassle me every day, and make my life hell. I think the judge saw this, she shouted at him in court - telling him "what nonsense is this!", and said because there was no communication she was writing out the order for contact.
I had hoped that my ex would be reasonable, and that we could calmly discuss day to day arrangements, but he is bombarding me with rather nasty emails and texts, and I don''t want to get sucked into a huge argument every day. If I stick to the contact order will he be able to say I am unreasonable in the main hearing ?

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04 Oct 12 #359284 by Elphie
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No, he can''t accuse you of being unreasonable at the moan hearing for sticking to the contact order, the judge write out what she felt reasonable.
If I were you, I wouldn''t even repsond to the texts / emails or answer the phone. In the hope he''ll get bored. I find with my stbx if I respond then it makes it worse, I get sucked in to endless emails / texts and the only way it stops is if I stop responding to points, and stop feeding him fuel. So I limit my responses to exactly what he needs to know. He doesn''t need to know what is in the contact order, he was at the hearing and has his own copy.

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04 Oct 12 #359285 by disneybunny
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Ask him politely to stop calling texting you. If it does not stop contact the police. There is a fine line between discussion and harassment he has more than crossed it. You have a right to be free to go about your life without insults on a daily basis.

If possible change your email and phone number, you can leave the old ones active for when he does have contact but don''t look at them every day.

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