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STBX making it almost impossible to see my kids

  • Progressor
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06 Oct 12 #359587 by Progressor
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Hi

We are going through a divorce, and I have only just seen my kids once - it has taken 3 months and I can see them 2hours (supervised) every 2 weeks, no phone calls with them, perhaps some emails. It is very very very hard for me. Especially as my stbx is making up lies to make this difficult.

It has taken me 3 months to have the first contact, due to her lies etc. I want to go to court to make an application for more regular contact.

To be honest I want to see them every day, pick them up from school, have them stay with me, weekends etc and they would be very happy with this.

STBX is saying kids are upset with me, after the first meeting they dont want to see me now (all lies, they were very happy and already making plans what they wanted to do with me for the next contact), and she is clearly setting it up to stop all contact with me.


This is consistent with other lies about how she is the victim of abuse etc (when the truth is the other way round) - anyway here is my question:


my lawyer says because I have only seen the kids once in 3 months and have some very loose arrangements to see them for 2 hours supervised per fortnight, the courts would be very unlikely to change the status quo.

my point is it has taken 3 months of delaying and lies by her to prevent contact with me, and she is still trying to prevent contact on all kinds of grounds and lies.

Prior to the separation 3 months ago i was of course a full time live in dad in our FMH and very active with all the kids, and very close to all of them and them with me.

Surely the courts cannot see this as the status quo?

Prior to the separation 3 months ago i was of course a full time live in dad in our FMH and very active with all the kids, and very close to all of them and them with me.

Surely the courts will see my point and help me establish regular contact if I apply to the courts rather than relying on agreement with her (she wants to stop all contact)...?

Or shall I accept 2 hours supervised per fortnight and that she will stop it at any moment, and that a court application will not help me to see my kids?


Any advice appreciated thanks

  • Fiona
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06 Oct 12 #359594 by Fiona
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How old are the children?

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06 Oct 12 #359598 by Enuff Already
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I think the ages of the children are (at this point) irrelevant. You need to make an application to the court straight away, the longer you leave your wife in control the worse it will be for your kids. The status quo is as you say 2 hours per fortnight, this can and is likely to be changed progressively and you may need to prove that you weant to maintain a good relationship with your kids. IF they are older than 10 - 12 you can ask for feelings and wishes of the children to be taken into account any younger than that and its out of thier hands as they are too young to make decisions of the magnitude of whether to see one parent or not.

It is your children that are entitled to a relationship with you not their mother to decide. So take it to a judge. He will have seen all this behaviour from your ex so many times and will see straight through it.

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06 Oct 12 #359612 by Progressor
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Thanks guys, FYI the baby is 1, the girls are 6, 10, 11 - the eldest two at the first contact were telling me there are houses for rent near them and I could take one of them and are keen for me to move to be near them, as am I. Then the letter I got the next day said they are upset at meeting me and do not want to meet me again. These games torture the children and stbx does not hesitate to use them as tools for her games and evil intent.

I am seeing lawyers on Monday and I agree a court /CAFCAS application will be done asap....

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06 Oct 12 #359613 by Sjw19850141
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That''s such a shame I''m so sorry, of course you should apply to the courts and ask for more time, they might well have a reporter come and talk to you or the children which would ultimately help, what I really don''t get is why no phone calls etc my ex did do some awful things and yes I''ve asked for supervision (which he won''t accept) but no way have I stopped him calling or sending anything ( he just chooses not to), now my son really does have a problem with seeing him and I totally get that after what he did but I have always left the door open for him, is there any other way you could rebuild your relationship with the kids? Eg grandparents and aunts/uncles? At least that way you might be able to combat the lies that are being told about you, because that''s the other thing I find off about my ex he won''t allow my son to see his grandparents or uncle despite my point that this might reassure him about himself? Good luck with it all but I would get in contact with your lawyer again x

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06 Oct 12 #359631 by Progressor
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Thanks sjbw

All her family are out of the loop, and dont answer my calls, I know this is because she is keeping her actions from them, they are told I have decided to stay away and dont care that much about the kids. That is all part of her plan, to keep her negative actions as secret from her wider family, this has always been the way with her abuse etc.

I have been leaving voicemails and emails for the kids which are not sent to the kids but instead the recordings and emails are sent by her lawyers to supposedly show the mental torture I am putting them through by telling them I love them and wish I could see them more often. I have missed 2 birthdays in the last 3 months.

Yes I think a court application is the way to go, i wanted to avoid that and hoped she would agree a reasonable contact environment.

I really hope the system (courts, cafcas etc) have experience of parents (in this case the mother) who play these games with lies just in order to make the other parents life a misery and no care for the kids at all. I hope they dont buy all her lies and if they speak to me they will see I am a calm person and loving with the kids and very close to them, and if they speak to the 10 and 11 year olds they will say the same, however I expect stbx is coaching them what to say, and cares nothing about the damage she is trying to do to them.

I want to follow this up with a case for sole custody, relying on her history of physical abuse to me (infront of kids) her mental health problems, several attempted suicides dating from childhood, threatening to kill one of them when I tried to leave her before, and severe self harm history.

The reality is the best I can hope for is joint custody I think.....she is very believable on the surface and knows how to speak so that she comes across as very charming....until I get into her history of abuse and mental problems, then she generally loses the plot, though she will try not to infront of court, judges, etc....


Hoping for the best....

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06 Oct 12 #359633 by Chained
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Progressor wrote:

Hi

my lawyer says because I have only seen the kids once in 3 months and have some very loose arrangements to see them for 2 hours supervised per fortnight, the courts would be very unlikely to change the status quo.


I am not a lawyer but from personal experience I can say that this is not always the case.

My partner had to take his ex to court for visitation and by the time he was in court he hadn''t seen his children for three months, because his ex wouldn''t let him using approximately the same excuses as your ex does.

The Judge was not very happy with the ex about this at all and despite the fact she tried to use this in court, the Judge ruled to his favour.

Of course each case is different but by reading your original post I do not see why the Judge would maintain such a status quo based on this.

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