This is a difficult problem and I am not sure how to handle it. I have been, and in fact still am, going through a terrible time with my ex. We have had major problems with the financial settlement which culminated with the judge having to write the order unilaterally four months after the final hearing as ex wouldn''t co-operate. My ex is a very controlling and abusive man and is using the court system to continue his abuse of his family as his nose is seriously out of joint now that I am taking control of my own life and he cannot torture me any longer. He has failed to pay the SM awarded, as predicted since he also tried to avoid paying
child maintenance until I forced the issue with CSA and still tried to avoid the issue. The two years of hell are now reaching an end at last, or seem to be, and I thought I might be able to start to be free of the abusive bully.
My children, youngest 13, have not seen their father since we moved out of the house to a refuge more than 18 months ago. They were also victims of his emmotional, verbal and sometimes physical abuse and have all stated that they have now wish to ever see him again. They have written letters to him asking him to leave them alone and he has done so more or less with some of them receiving a christmas or birthday card, some not and a very occasional gushing e mail telling them he loves them, which is completely out of character. The girls have either ignored any sporadic contact or if he starts threatening or blackmailing they respond and ask him to leave them alone. In the past he has been arrested for an assault on my youngest which I chose not to pursue as I didn''t feel it was in her interests to have to testify against her father when the rest of us didn''t see the assault, but did hear it, so wouldn''t be a lot of help in court. He however, did report one of his other daughters to the police twice for assaulting him when she lashed out to defend herself against him. The children are scared of this man and want to have a chance to build up a life without him. He has never been to a parents evening, rarely been to any other school event and has shown little interest in their lives or hobbies. Then almost on the day that the sale of
FMH went through and we moved away he called the childrens school demanding exam results and the like. The school sent reports out but had to ask the childrens permission to release their exam results as they are over 16. The The children did not give permission but now ex is threatening the school with all manner of repercussions if they don''t co-operate and give him every detail.
I can see now that this is just his next line of attack to get at me as he is completely obsessed with me and only doing all this to continue his control of my life and to try and find out where we are now living as we have moved away, those of us how can have changed names and we are doing our best to hide so that he cannot come and abuse us further. I am scared of this man who, on our last meeting to exchange possessions, refused a meeting in a public place and then tried on the day to trick me into going into a private locked car park completely against my wishes. My solicitor has been through the journey with me and also feels that I am not safe around this man as he becomes more and more deranged and unreasonable.
My problem is this. At the start of the proceedure many months ago I tried to encourage the children and ex to repair their relationship and to improve matters so that the children would have the benefit of their father in their lives. Unfortunately, the ex rfused to make any effort in that direction until many months later when he had already completed the total destruction of their relationship first. These are not young children who can be hoodwinked or persuaded into a relationship, but young adults with their minds made up. What I need now though is to be able to stop ex trying to upset their lives which are now for the first time ever becoming more normal. We are all very much afraid that ex will find out where we live and that would terrify and unsettle us all.
I am asking if there is a way I can protect the children and stop this man that they do not want in their lives, from obtaining details and insisting on involvement. I have skimmed over a few basic details here, but I am genuinely scared of ex and need to protect my children.