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Should I push for CAMHS? Advice for son

  • Mark100
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14 Oct 12 #360924 by Mark100
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Hi All

To be clear there was a meeting at school and the nurse wanted to do a CAMHS Referral as did the Head Teacher. Mum didn''t want it but I did. They explained that they would do it but just to let things calm down over the next 3/ 4 weeks as they had settled a little bit.

This post was to really raise the fact that the calm didn''t last long and I am really concerned what mum is doing and saying to the kids. Following the advice form here I am going to put the nurse in the picture and see what she says.

We have adjourned for mediation and the next hearing is 21st Nov. Mum will be saying all is now ok as she likes the current routine. That is why gettingt he help now and getting the problems the kids are having brought to light is so important.

Thanks Mark x

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09 Nov 12 #365394 by Mark100
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Hi All

Just an update and any advice is really appreciated:

First mediation session was a joke as mum just lied like she did at the first Contested Hearing and said that the current order works really well.

I explained that the handovers cause stress to the children and it seems to everybody''s view, including CAFCASS, school and the Judge that something needs to change.

I will go to the next mediation session and will just explain at the start that there is a lot of evidence that the current routine does not work for the children and unless mum is prepared to show some flexibility the matter will need to be put before the court again.

I feel completely intimidated by mum, even at mediation and the mediation process is causing me complete anxiety. I feel sick and am having nightmares at the thought of the next session.

As mum has broken the order several times and justs wants to control me (e.g.in mediation saying ''if we stick witgh the currnt order I will be flexible and let my son go the football'') I am also suggesting that any agreements made are put into the changed order.

To remind everybody my application was to:
1. Decide the next school for the kids - all sorted now.
2. Apply for Shared Residence again.
3. Gat a new routine for the children that includes some more specifics such as birthdays, certain events, etc.

I am actually abroad at the moment on a holiday. I have married my long term girl friend. This will make ex frious even more but I refuse to be blackmailed and am trying to stop her bullying me. I don''t live at my parents with siblings all around me helping me to bully. I am going through this for my children alone and the support of my now wife will help.

Thanks all - dreading mediation, dreading court....

Mark x

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09 Nov 12 #365395 by Mark100
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Sorry - Just an extra point - CAFCASS wanted to do a ''Childrens feelings and wishes report''. I also wanted this and the kids seem pretty vocal about what they want, e.g. after my ex lied to SS saying I abused them and my son was interviewed at school (saying none of it was true) he actually said ''could I have told that lady what I want?''.

I don''t want to put my kids through any more but I am 100% sure they don''t like the current routine and that it does not work and if they had their needs, feelings, etc, taken into account a routine that fits them would be better.

Should I or can I still push for CAFCASS to be involved again? (the Judge indicated that it was costly and we ''should'' be sorting this out and not rtelaying on others - if I offer to pay the 2.5k he mentioned would this be an option?)

Should I try to get it resolved through a nother hearing as mediation is not working?

Should I hang in and re-apply to court in a year or two as it will be harder for ex to bully and control and as the kids get older?

Many thanks from Mark

  • BoysMum
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09 Nov 12 #365430 by BoysMum
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Hi Mark,

Congratulations on getting married :)

I''m sorry mediation was so traumatic for you. I have read through this post and all I have to contribute, is,if you feel your Son is being bullied by his Uncle, you would be foolish to wait another year or two before re-applying through the Courts. The children''s safety and welfare are of paramount importance.

What happened about the incident where your Son complained that his Uncle had physically hurt him? Did you report it to the police?

Personally, I still believe that there are two separate issues that you are dealing with.

1) Your Son being bullied and possibly hurt by his Uncle.

2) You are not happy with the contact levels you currently have.

Even if you were granted SR, this will not stop the bullying when your children are at home with Mum. It could possibly mean that your Son spends more time with you, but what when he goes home to Mum? If you believe that your Son is being hurt, you must take action for your Son''s sake.

  • Yummy_Mummy
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09 Nov 12 #365438 by Yummy_Mummy
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Hi

Congratulations.

I agree with BoysMum.
You ought to report all this to SS and police.

Has your son mentioned anything to the school or confided in anyone else?

Why do you feel you want to wait for another year or two?

Children don''t deserve to be hurt whether it is physical, emotional or mental.

  • Mark100
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10 Nov 12 #365601 by Mark100
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Hi

I tried to sort out the bullying by the uncle with the schol support worker and CAMHS, etc.
To protect her brother ex however reported ''me'' to social services saying I physically hurt the kids. This resulted in my son being interviewed at school by a social worker. They then did a report that the allegations she made were all untrue. CAFCASS, Social Services and the school all told ex that my contact had to remain but she broke the order for a week, taking the children out of school at 2.30 on some days as well...all until the Judge ordered contact to start again immediately and ordered mediation to re-sort the routine.

Basically I feel ex did this to distract any attention from her brother and to protect him. She has even gone as far as saying that he is ''angry'' with me now...all very threatening. The children tell me that he is now being ''nice'' so I am trying to go through the process, hence mediation and hope we can sort the routine for them and hopefully the ''uncle'' situation will have passed.

This has gone on for 13 months now and ex still seems to get away from it, even though social services, CAFCASS and school said she acted against their advice. The court just asked for no CAFCASS involvement (whom I think were beigining to realise where the real problem lies) and mum seems to be left in control.

My kids will always be the most important thing to me and all of this is kind of overshadowing getting married.

My contact levels - Considering my priority when we divorced was to keep them in their family home as much as possible (which I did for 5 years), I think it is wrong that they are now not allowed to sleep there in the school week and instead sleep at their Grans with their mum and uncle, where my daughter does not have a bed and mum is not there to look after them one or two mornings a week. They also have handovers at bedtime twice a week and they often get upset at this time. Like everybody I have ever spoken to I think it''s a horrendous situation and terrible routine (only mum likes it).

It''s more it just needs to be made better for them and I can''t give up the fight to help them.

Thanks again x.

Mark

  • MrsMathsisfun
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10 Nov 12 #365652 by MrsMathsisfun
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I still think you need to be going for quality time rather than quantity.

Dont think trying to get your ex to be flexiable is going to work so you need fixed contact. Thats means x number days per week and those days need to remain constant not a couple of hours per day and certain dates for matches etc.

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