I have written about this before, but still at a loss hopw to deal with it, my ex wont drop it, her ways I guess that is.
Always had a problem with daughter trying to take all her stuff she has at my house to her mums, I understand that from a childs point of view, she sees mums as the main place she lives and so wants everything there.
She gets away with taking some stuff, but I try to get her to keep most of her toys at my house without making too much of an issue.
My son isnt really bothered although sometimes copies of his sister if he wants to take stuff.
My ex however always makes the comment as soon as the kids walk out the house...''that, needs to come back''
even if its a free mcdonalds toy or something which might be 50p.
My daughter once asked if she could take this rabbit my mum bought her to show mum, I said ok but bring it back as it would be a good toy to have in the caravan. When i next picked her up she forgot it so i got to run back in and get it, my ex shouted at me, ''is she allowed nothing here?''
I thought that was a bit hypocritical, I buy the kids comics and all the usual general stuff which they take back to mums, but nothing ever get brought to me and left.
However last night son brings this toy, ''that needs to come back'' spouts my ex, when it came time to go home, we couldnt find it and he took a mouth organ back with him I got on holiday.
Now I am being inundated with texts fromt he ex wanting this toy found and it needs to come back on friday when i pick them up...
When it was daughters birthday, I bought her loads of monster high stuff she wanted, it has all gone to mums over one hundred pounds worth, probel with my ex from another perspective is, when daughter finishes playing with it, she sticks it on ebay.
I wouldnt mind what my kids did with their toys, its their toys, but the actions and attitude of my ex lead me to a reaction which is, to stop kids takign stuff an dont bring anything with you.
I feel like texting her back to say I am fed up with this petty attitude to kids toys, I will bring this toy back friday, I need the mouth organ back and while were at it daughter can bring back all her monster hig stuff I bought and then that will be an end to it, no more toys moving about....
what do you think?
I find it hard work when its a one way thing, ok for stuff to go to hers, but I get hassled if they leave anything at mine?
I think you both need to grow up. Sorry but it''s the children''s stuff and they should be allowed to do with it what they wish. The birthday gifts should be at the house the child lives at otherwise what is the point. My sons complained that if ex bought stuff supposedly for them and kept it at his house he might as well have just bought it for his girlfriend son. Hope I have not offended you it''s just an opinion.
As Disneybunny says, what is the point of a gift if it is conditional on where it can be kept andplayed with?
Maybe you need some sort of demarcation line - toys that you give to the children belong to them and can be taken wherever. But there are also toys that ''belong'' to your house. They stay with you and are brought out when the children visit.
Although transfer of the toys is a point the OP is making, I think he wanted advice on how to address it with the ex to stop it being such an issue and therefore allowing the kids to enjoy their ''unconditional gifts'' being transferred between both homes. Maybe I am wrong, but being in a similar situation where the kids are NOT allowed to bring stuff to mine but if they happen to there is always the "that needs to come back" comment which just adds pressure to the kids. I always make sure whatever they bring goes back with them but as in Bobbins case they sometime misplace the toys and then there are problems, but the kids know where the problems come from. I have had to curb what the kids take back to mums as it never gets seen again by me or the kids as it conveniently goes missing or gets broken. How is that fair on the kids. I allow my kids to take certain things if they really want to but I am not going to pay bucket loads of money for toys and such just to fill the exes bin. Sorry!
thanks for your replies.
disneybunny, what your saying is right, however this is an issue my ex has developed and in these cases as ever it attracts a reaction.
Yes the kids should be able to do with the toys what they want, but if my daughter takes everything to her mums house what does she do when with me??
Complain she hasnt got anything to do, can you buy me this and that and spend all the day on the internet as there is nothing else to do?
enuff already hit the nail on the head about my question, I wish my ex would grow up and stop being so ''bothered'' about a £3 toy that ''needs'' to come back, what about the hundreds I have spent that went to mums and never came back, to line her enay account later?
Yes, maybe I sound annoyed but thats bevause of the recipricol again...aint one.
I buy gifts for my kids to play with at my place, anything from a colouring book to a wii console, so where do you draw the line on what goes and what doesnt?
As enuff says after my ex has hid money from me and fleeced me in the divorce, why should I fill the kids bedrooms at hers for her to bin or sell on ebay?
I pack my childrens stuff up everytime they go to their fathers, but he never lets them bring stuff he buys back home. It frustrates me to death but I still do it for the sake of the children.
They ask for things for Xmas and Birthdays I say I''ll buy "this" perhaps you should ask your Dad for "that". The response is "no point asking him he will not let me bring it home"
It''s hard but at the end of the day its the childrens stuff and they should be able to take it where they please. Children are not daft they can see what is happening and who is it unfair on?? only them!