A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Childrens toys, possesive ex....?

  • Bobbinalong
  • Bobbinalong's Avatar Posted by
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
12 Oct 12 #360548 by Bobbinalong
Reply from Bobbinalong
Thank you all for your replies.
I agree with what some of you say, however its hard from my point of view.
I try to teach the kids good manners etc, I want them to grow up to be good human beings. Be a benefit to the society not a draw on recources and hell bent on material possessions.
However for the time they are with me its difficult, any thing I try to instill or teach them is often forgotten 2 weeks later, like not slurping out of cereal bowls etc, respecting toys and, putting them away.

My ultimate question was, how to handle it with the ex? Is it worth passing a message on, as, although I am being hassled to return this toy today, my daughter has hundreds of pounds worth of toys there I bought, I dont hassle her to return them.

I guess its just how some people are, its a control thing, I remember last year when I posted my sons card, she chased me for £1.25 for weeks if not months for the extra postage, I didnt realise it was over sized envelope!

  • Sjw19850141
  • Sjw19850141's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
12 Oct 12 #360554 by Sjw19850141
Reply from Sjw19850141
Well then the q has to be is she angry with you still? Or is she maybe tight on finance?

  • Bobbinalong
  • Bobbinalong's Avatar Posted by
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
12 Oct 12 #360585 by Bobbinalong
Reply from Bobbinalong
Not sure why you think she would be angry with me??
If she is tight on finances, thats not my problem and still doesnt explain the attitude she has on this?
That is even more deserving of the reply they are the kids toys which I agree with.

  • khan72
  • khan72's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
12 Oct 12 #360598 by khan72
Reply from khan72
Allow me to share my experiences.
I only get to see my daughter 2 hours. I wrote to ex solicitor requesting favourite toys to be bought along. Also asked in 3 Directions hearings, "favourite toys". Toys are never brought along. For the first few sessions i bought toys and i never saw them again. Now I just keep them in the boot of my car.
Example I bought my girl a small pram. She loves it. At the end of contact she was pushing it around and laughing and smiling. Ex saw this. From the ex''s face i could see total disappointment.
I usually bribe my daughter with a packet of gummi bears so she forgets the toys while i put em in the boot of my car. Then I close the boot, and help take out only one gummi bear as gummi bears are the most difficult sweet to get out of the packet ;)(I make a big deal of getting one out as its such an "effort"). Toys extracted and forgotten about. Mission accomplished. Then I hand her back.
The toys are my daughters. Sometimes its worth looking into a deeper reason as to why some people keep toys. I am not going to buy a pink pram every fortnight. Some of us have vicious ex''s who plainly wish for contact to not work under any circumstances. They hope and dream their child hates contact, gets bored and go out of their way to ensure this. Zero toys helps this :)


Question: do you feel its done out of malice?
Answer: do what you feel is right.

My advice. Keep the toys if non-return will "push your buttons". Remove another opportunity for someone to find a large red button saying "Push Here to Wind Me Up". Adults play dumb power games at times. Exercise your option to not participate. You will be surprised at how much it can frustrate someone. See it as a Bruce Lee type of "Game of No Game". (Sorry for getting all philosophical here).

Reduce barriers to good contact. Increase barriers to items which are negative to contact. Simples ;)

  • For real
  • For real's Avatar
  • Senior Member
  • Senior Member
More
12 Oct 12 #360608 by For real
Reply from For real
I like your thinking Khan... good luck with growing that relationship with your daughter, sounds like she has a fab dad!

  • Sjw19850141
  • Sjw19850141's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
12 Oct 12 #360644 by Sjw19850141
Reply from Sjw19850141
All I mean is that she could feel upset about something to do with contact eye but I didn''t mean that justified her reaction, I think you need to put an end to the transfer unless its something seriously specific that she wants to share with mum or you but it does have to be both ways, I''d suggest talking to your ex and just letting her know gently what your thinking an that you''d appreciate of the same came from her end so that there''s no animosity which enviably ends up in disaster x

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11