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Childrens toys, possesive ex....?

  • Enuff Already
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11 Oct 12 #360418 by Enuff Already
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So when you have one party allowing the transfer of toys and one party that does not, what happens when the stock pile of toys and such are depleted at the accommodating persons home? When the kids have bit by bit taken everything bought for them and have little or nothing left to keep them occupied, what should the accommodating party do....? go out and buy more from the already squeezed budget they live on? Yes kids might learn a harsh lesson when they have nothing to play with but surely prevention is better than cure. Common sense should prevail. It is totally unrealistic to expect one parent to ''give away'' almost everything they buy for the sake of the kids just to be the bigger person... Meh!

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11 Oct 12 #360474 by MrsMathsisfun
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Agree completely enuff said. If the transfer of stuff is always one eay the only option is to stop the transfer happening.


As a child my grandparents had a big box of toys we soon learnt that they had to stay at grans and it never worried us.

  • Sjw19850141
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11 Oct 12 #360488 by Sjw19850141
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Well when my ex used to see my son at his house nothing ever came home and on occasion when this was a gift from an aunt or grandma not being able to bring it home really upset him, whilst he never asked me to take anything to his dads it wouldn''t have been a problem (mainly as it just might have encouraged a proper relationship between them) I think that you need to have a stock of toys that live with you and don''t go to mums but gifts can go where the child so pleases as Disney said if its a gift then it has to be a gift, but there again i get the impression that both you and I are a bit more reasonable and child focused than the exs here x

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11 Oct 12 #360500 by Chained
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With us there are toys that can be transported between homes and toys that can''t, i.e. Lego.

Since the beginning my son has learnt that what each family buys is up to the parent primarily to let him take it to the other parent''s house or not and he is fine with this.

My partner''s youngest that is 6, is always trying to sneak toys that are bought here back to her mum''s but we always explain that it is to her interest to leave them here so that she plays with them again next time she visits. There are, of course, the toys that each time are bought here with the purpose of taken back never to be seen again.

To answer the OP''s question, I do not think that there is any way to deal with this but to explain to the child that certain toys that are bought by you stay at your house and a few can be transferred back and forth. I believe she will understand in the end. Also, you could ask for the toys back yourself and make sure that toys that their mum has bought are returned.

What I do is take pictures with my phone of i.e. Lego that are transferred and make sure they are returned as given (this is why I also offer the Instructions Manual to his dad,too).. :-)

Although I agree that it is the child''s toys and they can do whatever they want with them, I do understand that there are expenses involved and that each parent is buying toys so that their child is playing with them where they live, too. It is not very fair when one household ends up with all the toys and the other parent has to buy toys all the time to keep the balance. Makes no sense.

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11 Oct 12 #360514 by carer
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Hi Bobbinalong,

It would be easier all round to put a stop to transferring toys from one house to another. That way things wont get forgotten and the children will enjoy playing with their various toys at the respective houses. Leave a basket by the front door to ''unload'' all items before returning the little lovelies home! When collecting children make sure they come empty-handed!

My child wanted to take an expensive games console to dad''s but I refused as I knew we wouldnt see it again so I do understand.

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  • anna200
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11 Oct 12 #360520 by anna200
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it''s just stuff!!!....if you end up with no toys for a few weeks .. go out and explore your local community.. develop their creativity/minds by inventing toy less activities by arguing over who keeps barbie will just encourage obsessive possessive tendencies. I know my own children who have been very fortunate with material goods don''t ever remember the toys they played with but have fond memories of activities and time spent with friends .the best games ever have been making dens out of boxes or planting stuff in the garden...painting the shed with water...they''re not hard to please .i know it''s really frustrating when one parent is being petty but tit for tat just diminishes your position. Ask your child what they would like to do with their toys and support that ..if they want to keep them all at the other parents house and then are bored they will soon reevaluate their decision..what do you want your child to be, an obedient puppet hung up on stuff or a free thinker who makes informed decisions? good luck..i don''t mean to be holier then thou as i know how these situations can get you down but as far as the kids are concerned don''t worry about the stuff, let the ex fill her boots with the toys... .

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11 Oct 12 #360525 by carer
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Hi Anna200,

Your right - it is just ''stuff'' - but surely children should be taught to respect their ''stuff''. Toys can cost a lot and they get more expensive as the child gets older so appreciating the value of things and looking after them is surely a good lesson to teach a child.

If the OP''s Ex wasnt so hung about things then there wouldnt be such pressure on the OP to return things and he also wouldnt be so worried about the childrens stuff being sold on ebay - which really isnt fair at all is it.

I agree with you about playing with old box''s and make believe - all mine have done this and had brilliant fun - but I do feel strongly that children should have respect for their belongings - whether it is a 50p barbie or a £50 console game - the value matters not. After all - a child wouldnt be allowed to take toys/books home from Nursery/School and they happily accept the rules in that situation. Knowing that certain toys stay in one place will do no harm and they will look forward to playing with the items in the respective homes (IMHO).

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