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Dividing activities?

  • jslgb
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12 Oct 12 #360680 by jslgb
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Grrrr i''m so mad today!!

Long story short, stbxh only see''s for 6 1/2 hours a week every weekend so for the best part, i dont expect him to pitch in and be taxi for dtrs activities. He doesnt contribute anyway, minimum csa payments (£30), hidden jobs, etc etc etc!

What really makes me mad is that when dtr is invited to a party or has a church function (we both agreed she''d be baptised catholic to follow HIS religion) or something along those lines i either have to swap days with him and take her myself or she doesnt go.

Why?

This weekend she has a party on his day so when i emailed him to let him know i was told ''i cant afford the petrol to take her''. Never mind that he has a full time job, a part time job, OW has a full time job and they live in a low rent council house, whilst muggins here is a full time student in the expensive private rented house he left us in! I didnt offer to swap days, just told him about the party details, and he hasnt mentioned swapping days either, just saying she cant go! He hasnt taken her to anything along these lines ever, he point blank refuses.

What does everyone else do in these circumstances?

  • Chained
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12 Oct 12 #360683 by Chained
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If you can afford it, take her yourself and offer him another contact day.
It is more important that she does not miss her party, than what her father is doing (or not doing in his case).

Some people think that bringing children to the world stops with the sperm donation. Such a shame.

  • Yummy_Mummy
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13 Oct 12 #360803 by Yummy_Mummy
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Are these contact days official?

It is fine if you both can negociate and it is good if you both can be flexible but if you can''t then it becomes a problem.
Is this happening too often or just occasionally?

In my case, we have agreed contact days. On his days, it is his responsibility to take the kids to parties, functions whatever and do what he likes with them.
I don''t get a say anyway.

And if there is a party during my time, I then take them.
But then in my case he just will not work with me at all so it is in a Court Order.

I do not go to any functions at the moment where he is likely to be but thats because I dont want the children to be confused and he embarrasses me and the kids. They get very upset by it and I then get upset.

Does he not want to see his daughter and spend some time with her?
It would be good for your daughter and this would help you out so that you can study, rest...

  • jslgb
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13 Oct 12 #360807 by jslgb
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They are just verbal arrangements between him and I under the direction of my solicitor. He has 6 1/2 hours a week every weekend, saturday one week, sunday the next. He has at no point sought legal advice or expressed any desire to go to court.

He has now decided he will not be seeing our daughter at all this weekend as the party she has been invited to falls directly in the middle of his contact and he is refusing to take her. He didnt ask for an alternative contact, just said he wont be collecting her at all.

This is just another incident in a long line of him not getting his own way. Even if he would have taken her to the party i still would have had to provide presents etc. I have now reached a point where i am not as flexible with things as i was, as he likes to chop and change days for things such as golf, and then he''ll make a mistake, turn up ranting and raving at my door on the wrong day and I will have to call the police to get rid of him.

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13 Oct 12 #360811 by Yummy_Mummy
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You could jot down the contact times as you can''t remain flexible due to your commitments. You could contact a mediaitor or a solicitor and have it official in which he can''t mess you about.

If he misses his contact time then it''s hard cheese for him.

Is there anyway you could ask your mum or family to help in days such as this? Alternatively, you could ask your daughter''s friend''s mum to pick her up to take them to the party and then you could pick them up from the party and drop them off both.

Your ex just can''t have it his way all the time to suit his convenience.

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13 Oct 12 #360812 by jslgb
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I dont have an issue taking her. That wasnt my complaint. I''m peed off because its always me taking her to these things, even when they fall on his day i usually swap so i can take her and he gets his full day!

We have had the same arrangement for contact since he left almost 2 years ago, and he''s had numerous letters off my solicitor detailing them too.

I think from now on i''ll just be assuming contact will be cancelled if she has an invite or church thing as this is the decision he has chosen to make this weekend!!

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